A
male
age
30-35,
*aviet
writes:Wow, it's been over a year since I last visited this site but I definitely need you guys to help me out here. I'll probably be waffling so I apologise.If anybody remembers my last question 13 months ago roughly, I had a horrible post break up experience with my ex. She ended up being in relationship with a lying douchebag who was supposed to be a mate to me for almost a year until recently. I was heart broken and felt so low for most of the year. She was my first love and I don't think I ever truly managed to move on.Skip the story if you want and go straight to the real question.THE BACKGROUND INFO:About 2 months ago, on a weekend which I was very bored, I decided to randomly message her asking her if she was free to go out for drinks at night. She replied that she was and we later met up going to a local pub and had a few drinks. At the time she was technically no longer in a relationship with her ex. He still believed they were together and were on a 'break' but she dumped him because he smashed up her mobile phone which was his final chance out of many. I can tell you that he was a manipulative, abusive and a control-freak boyfriend. He has lost so many friends, including his best friends and it is his fault. Other than the way he treated her, I also hate him for my own personal reasons - he lied to me and took advantage of my break up with her, making the break up feel alot shitter than it should've. He used to prohibit her from seeing her own friends. He departed on a family holiday a few days before I asked her out for drinks, not expected back for 8-9 weeks.Anyway, so her and I spoke about her situation with him and how we felt about each other (both of us were fairly drunk) and I brought her back to my house and she stayed the night. This became an every weekend thing, we would meet up and she would come back to mine. As you'd expect we were pretty sensual with each other alone in my bedroom. We would also subtly flirt alot and hug in college. We decided to keep it a secret although only our closest friends were aware that we had been seeing each other.During this cycle of what seemed to be lust, I started to develop feelings for her beyond just being physically attracted to her. I actually cared about her and she would always tell me about her ex trying to win her back, talking to her via facebook chat. Eventually she told me that she loved me and never stopped and I reciprocated. A week before he was supposed to return, he had messaged her saying that he was going to suicide if he didn't get back with her (selfish right). This meant that she was left with choices which she would be unhappy anyway. In addition, she also made a promise with me that she would never hurt me again like she did last year so she refused to get back with him. In the end he didnt kill himself (the coward that he is) and requested to meet up with her the day he arrived back home. On that very same day she was supposed to come to my house after speaking to him and ending it all for good. However, she was 2 hours late, prompting me to go out to look for her. I found them in the high street, 10 minutes away from my houseand he was very hostile to me (me and him have a fierce rivalry). She had been crying, her eyes sore and watery. I tried to seperate them telling him to go home and leave her alone. I called her dad as a precautionary measure and he said he would drive down soon. But it got to the stage where I had to stand metres away because I refused to let him aggravate me into a physical fight. The whole time he was grabbing her and trying to kiss her, every attempt she forcefully denied. She got sick and tired of him and kicked him in the balls. He retaliated, judo slamming her into the ground, bruising her and left her with a nosebleed. I immediately intervened pushing him away and had to restrain myself from punching the prick. A nervous wait ensued as I was left hugging her tightly while the bastard was leering over us trying to intimidate me. What infuriates me is that NOBODY bothered to call the police, i would've but my phone just happened to die out. Ten minutes later her father picked us up, confronting her ex. Luckily they didn't fight cos if I was her father, I would've knocked him out.I ended up staying over with her at her dad's. During this time, he spoke to me gratefully, telling me that he is glad that I called him and that I am sticking around for his daughter.THE REAL QUESTION:It might not seem relevant to everybody, the background information but it was the only way I felt I could back up what I'm feeling and asking. Although we are a lot more obvious about the way we act around each other apart from any kissing, it still feels like we are keeping a secret and I am starting to feel a little irritated and worried about what other people will say and think. I know that she hurt me in the past but I also hurt her while I was with her which is why we broke up. We firmly believe that we wouldn't have the same problems/mistakes as before and that what we have at the moment is different from our old relationship. I have discussed with her before whether we should become a 'couple' but we didn't come to a conclusion. My family and friends have expressed concern for my welfare as they don't want me to get hurt again but I trust her to never hurt me again. Overall, I do want to ask her to be my girlfriend once again because I think it would benefit me so much. It would clear any speculation once and for all, I'd be able to have her around without asking (or sneaking her in) and I'd be able to tell her I love her publically. I feel stupid now that I'm asking but I hope to hear what you guys think I should do. Thanks for reading and answering in advance :)
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best friend, broke up, drunk, facebook, flirt, her ex, kissing, move on, my ex Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (28 April 2012):
 Go for it and ask her, he sounds like a big waste of space and I am glad he is out of her life, it is obvious you both want to be together, am not sure what she is scared of when she wants to keep it a secret, it could be that she is scared of him, but she has no need to be any more. Her family and your family I am sure would be happy for you both, so ask her to be your girlfriend, I think you both should be together, good luck and I hope that it works out.
A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (25 April 2012):
 That was a long [pst for such a simple answer mate, if you both have feelings for each other and you want to make it official and you both genuinely think that it'll work out this time, then just ask her out...
Good luck
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