A
female
age
36-40,
*ainbowlady
writes:Hey. I have a real problem. I think I am falling in love with my best friends husband. I have known my best friend, lets call her Sarah, for 17 years. She has been with her husband for 4 years and has been married for 5 weeks. When they came back from their honeymoon i picked them up at the airport. I have always got on really well with her husband lets call him kris but when they went away i started missing him a lot and when i saw him i was so glad that he was back. i think i am in love and i keep avoiding sarah because i don't know how to act around kris. please help as i don't want to lose sarah from my life.
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male
reader, GrimmReality  +, writes (19 July 2009):
 You need to understand that your friendship is more important than letting your feelings become selfish in nature. Please don't even go there with "Kris". Nothing good will come from it, and letting the cat out of the bag will probably do irreparable damage to your friendship with his wife. I know we vcant peick who we fall in love with, but I would seriously reconsider any thought of making it known. If Sarah already knows you are acting strangely around her and her husband, then you've had it.I'd suggest you stay away from them BOTH. for to keep pushing your luck here may cost you more than you can imagine.
A
male
reader, Ted-ster +, writes (18 July 2009):
Good for you for admitting that this a problem, a big problem. It's hard to admit that. Yes, I think you already know it: that you need to get your own life, own husband (assuming you're not married). Having these yearnings (...probably the result of complex issues that you're not even aware of, such as jealousy about Sarah, as a person, not even necessarily about Sarah's new husband) is only going to distract you from finding your own partner, your own path to happiness. If you have your own partner, this yearning for Kris might be a form of escape, a naughty, fantasy about having something that your friend has, but you can't have. Even if you love your partner, sometimes your mind creates these distractions to mix things up a bit in your head and soul. I'm sure those feelings you have must be intense, but we humans are nothing but a bunch a chemical bags walking around looking for food and sex, probably in that order. Men, arguably, in the reverse order. My sage advice to you is to be comically upfront with both Sarah and Kris together, usually after a couple of glasses of wine. I'd first say to Sarah, "OMG! I can't believe you landed such a stud! He's so cute!" Laugh and clap and by happy for her! And ask her if he has any friends! Ask Kris and Sarah together if he has any friends! If you're upfront, playful, instead of keeping secret what is obviously a crush, I think that you can all have a laugh. A few of my wife's single friends, at least a few years ago, would feel my muscles, pat my flat stomach by the pool, etc., after a few margaritas, and in front of my wife, and we had a good laugh. My wife even told them I was great in bed, which I didn't mind! But these women moved on, and found their own nice guys. This is just a phase -- enjoy the crush, and find someone (or work on your own marriage) that you can have fun with, and go on nice trips. Good luck. There are more shiny pebbles on the beach -- trst me -- find your own.
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