A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:Lately, I have been having really troubling thoughts. I have come to terms with the fact that I have fallen in love with my 10 year old step sister (I'm 18). I just don't know what to do anymore. Before anyone asks or starts accusing, I am not a pedophile. I am not attracted to other girls her age, and the thought of that makes me sick. But my SS is different. Let me give you a little background. I've known her half her life. We have always been close, but recently things have been different. We have gone through a lot together due to family issues, and I know when about all the issues in her life. She always comes to me about them, while her parents are completely unaware. Maybe this is why I feel so close to her as it has made me realize that she is not like other girls her age and is quite complex. We seem to have this understanding. I guess our background explains why I feel this way, it's not that I'm looking at her physically or anything, but for the kind of person she is. She acts much older then she is, we get along and we have had to go through the same crap going up, probably why we are so close. But I need to end this, at the end of the day she is 10 and this attraction is really starting to affect my life. How the hell do I get over this crazy attraction? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, cupid penguin2  +, writes (9 August 2010):
Of course u love your SS but if u think ur fallin in Love w/ her I say take a day or two away from her to get your head straight. Take a breather, live life then go home then if u don't feel tht way anymore the two of u should plan a trip to an amusement park. I mean wat 8 year old doesn't like rides, tht way both of u will have fun nd there will be nothin weird bout it. But if tht doesn't work u should search farther into it
A
male
reader, craigzetack33 +, writes (3 May 2009):
Such things are not unknown...lifelong romantic attachments have been known to be kindled even at this early age. Your love for each other is legitimate and strong, but you should wait until she has reached a certain age before you marry her. If you are still inclined towards each other by that time, the wait will have been worth it because your love by then will have grown even stronger.
...............................
A
female
reader, ilovebowsandcherries +, writes (30 April 2009):
 maybe its sisterly and brotherly love but you're reading too much into it.
because you guys have gone through alot together you feel you need to be there for her and protect her and help her.
maybe this isn't love for her in a sick sexual way maybe it's love that you guys share for being close sister and brother.
i've got half sisters and brothers im really close with them! i love them to bits like but as family.
perhaps that's how you feel about your sister you just want her to be looked after and you feel protective over her.
maybe it's just all in your head thinking its more than that.
some step sisters and brothers hate eachother but perhaps you guys got a special bond that's unique and refreshing i don't think its you wanting her at all i think its the fact you always want to be there for her when she falls you want to protect her.
hope this helps.
x x X x x
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2009): Um to be honest you need to teach her how to be a kid again, because it's no surprise that she is quite grown up as so many horrible family issues have affected her life. You need to treat her more like a kid and then you will think ofher as a kid not a potential partner
...............................
A
female
reader, ADVICENTE +, writes (29 April 2009):
 That is disgusting step sister or not and shes 10. What is the matter with you you need to stop any wrongful thoughts now. I have a 9 yr old daughter and I would kill someone for looking at my 9 yr old daughter that way. If you had a blood sister that was 10 and one of your friends expressed feelings for her that way what would you do and would you ever trust him alone with her? Hell NO, you would be worried of him hurting her in some way. You better look at the big picture and steer away from this one before you end up in jail or killed by her mother or father!!
...............................
A
female
reader, i wanna love u like mad +, writes (28 April 2009):
 i see what you mean about you cant help yuor feelings. but think of it this way. shes your little sister. i know that your not blood related or anything like that but if you live in the same house how difficult would it be for you parents to find out that you've made a move on your ten year old sister? you might not see it in this way but if your friends find out i dont think they'd be very supportive of it. you could lose alot of people here. plus you could lose your stepsister. try looking at her in a different way. theres an 8 year gap between you and she is so underaged that it would be counted as pedophilia. i really understand you but other peope wont.
hope that helped your situation x
...............................
A
female
reader, suckerfreediet29 +, writes (28 April 2009):
Come on man u know better your sister she only ten years old cant u find someone in your own age group im sure u can thats a no no please dont go there because it will be consider rap and that is unlawful find a companion with in your own age group and allow her 2 stick 2 hers
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2009): Seek professional help...please.
You said "She acts much older then she is, we get along and we have had to go through the same crap growing up, probably why we are so close." Oh my, she is but a child!
Does what yiou say above, mean you both grew up in the same home? If so, it sounds like you and this little girl (the step sister) grew up in such an unhappy home, plainly a home that could've lacked boundaries, or had far too rigid boundaries but clearly this home likely lacked love, affection and stability.
I say that because, quite often in cases like this, the older (step) siblings want to protect and look out for the younger ones. And in some cases, when the family is so dysfunctional, quite often the step/siblings turn to each other for love, support and comfort. And that is okay. But then there are times when their own sense of loss and pain in their family, run so incredibly deep and they go over the line into a romantic realm. And one or both of these step/siblings cope very, very inappropriately. To me, it appears your romantic attraction to this little girl, stems from your own sense of loss combined with raging hormones of a male adolescent. You have to get this in perspective and use some restraint and never, ever go over the line here. It is one thing to love and want to care/protect her...which is noble of you but it is not 'noble nor right' to want to romanticize her. That is plain wrong and you would be manipulating her for your own self-gratification. You are the older step-sibling, so in effect, if you romanticize her now, you will someday desire sex with her, and then you will be sexually abusing her. Why would you do that to someone you love? You are a big brother , a role model to her, her life boat, so to speak. If you carry on this path.. this will cause her future ramifications, that could ultimately damage her. Survivors of sibling incest, carry on with life, only to finally understand the seriousness of what happened to them as teens. She will figure this out when she is older and I worry about how it could affect her, emotionally. Suicide, promiscuity and a host of other serious, severe emotional problems. Give her a chance at future happiness, Do not use her for your self-gain...that is just so horridly wrong. You two need some professional intervention from a family counselor. You both are suffering from deep pain and emotional problems due to the after effects of an unhappy childhood. You need help, fast. Do not even think to damage her the way your family damaged you. Do not let this go any further...please! Please get professional help as soon as possible.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2009): sorry, thought you were in the U.S. Regardless, the consequences for you to pursue anything whether they be legally, socially, or with regard to your family going to be big.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2009): I know others don't want to judge, but I will be straightforward with you: This is not healthy. I think you could be experiencing something akin to transference. This happens sometimes when ppl come to depend on another so much that they develop inappropriate feelings for that person (Doctor/patient, student/teacher, etc). I think the fact that you and your SS have shared some trying times has brought you very close together, and your dependence on each other has clouded your judgement with regard to your feeling for her.
I don't doubt that you love her, but make sure that you put her first. She is 10, and if you start acting differently, or inappropriately, you are going to cause some serious issues in her. She is coming to you b/c you are someone she trusts and looks up to. Do not tamper with that. I don't care if she acts like a 40 year old woman, she is 10 and while she may have had to learn to deal with certain things b/c of family issues, and grow up faster than she should have in some areas, does not mean she is mature enough to deal with this. You will cause her harm.
This will also cause problems for the family in general, and you will be destroying the one place where she should and has a right to feel safe.
Finally, I don't know what state you live in, but I do know that many states have laws whereby you would automatically receive a life sentence for being sexually inappropriate with a child under the age of 14.
I think maybe you should talk to someone.
...............................
A
female
reader, bobbles32  +, writes (27 April 2009):
 To be honest, I'm a bit scared of answering this. You know that you can't date your siblings, be them a step sibling or not. It's not accepted socially and could get you into some trouble.
Your family would be devastated. Are you sure you're not just confusing the love between brother and sister and the love that a couple shares? It sounds silly, but it could be the case.
You've got to realise that USUALLY girls that are 10 are not even close to being developped, emotionally or hormonally. (is that a word?)
Anyway, She's too young, plain and simple.. there are also sometimes laws against this. Well , I know there are laws against you being with her intimately, but also in some places it is against the law to be with a sibling. Think about it some more..
...............................
A
female
reader, thatgothgirl20 +, writes (27 April 2009):
 I think you should fight this. If she is someone you truly love, you will realize that she is too young for you. She may act more mature, complex, etc. etc., but she is still too young for you. Children grow up fast, when they are forced to grow up fast, and that seems to be how her situation was. You should look up the book, The Hurried Child, and read more about this, because, just because adults pushed her, or rushed her into growing up or "acting" grown up, doesn't mean that she truly is.
Maybe you two are too close. I'm not saying to stop being there for her (if you can fight this and still be around her) but maybe find friends your own age, and encourage her to do the same. You are not always going to be there. Things happen. She needs to find other people to rely on besides just you. Go online to singles sites maybe. Just become more outgoing, do different things, and even though you might still be thinking about her every now and then, or more so, at least you will be out doing your own thing and possibly getting out of these feelings that you think you might have.
The fact that you came on here to talk about this shows that you are concerned about her and yourself. If you didn't come here, and just went ahead with what you were thinking, instead of asking, "How do I get over this attraction," you wouldn't be the person you are today.
She needs to grow up to become an independent young woman. If you are her crutch everytime she has a problem, this will hinder her. I'm sure that she will miss you when you become more outgoing, and wish that you'd spend as much time with her as you used to, but remember you are doing this for her.
...............................
A
male
reader, Sambuca_Dave +, writes (27 April 2009):
 OK...
Erm not being judgemental but that is a bit weird (sorry). Disregarding her age I think you need to realise that she is yor step sister and perhaps the reason she comes to you with her problems is because you are the older brother.
Are you sure that what you are experiencing isn't just love of a family member and not love as it is used in relationship terms?
You should maybe spend some time away from the house and away from the problems with some friends and enjoy life while your young. Go to the pub with some friends seeing as your 18 and have a good night drink, dance and flirt with girls and in no time at all you should start to notice that attraction will start to lessen.
Dave
...............................
A
female
reader, Ms.Ebby +, writes (27 April 2009):
wait another 8 years age is not always a barrier but the fact that is illegal will stop you. If she still seems the same then go for it
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2009): Yeah you really need to get over this.its wrong for one thing however you cant help how you feel.I suggest you just take some time away from her to be honest or try to go out more and socialise you may find someone your own age to like.good luck
...............................
|
