A
female
age
30-35,
*isingstar624
writes:So here is my problem. I think that I am in love. This makes absolutely no sense. Here is my story... I was in his class, he was my professor, I his student. There was some sexual comments made but never to the extent where someone would report it, the chemistry was phenomenal. After the semester ended and he was no longer my professor we decided we should meet up for coffee or something. Somehow we began talking almost every day- every other day. One night we spent 2 hours on the phone just talking to each other. Christmas break ended and I returned to school where we met up, we had sex once and talked until 6 in the morning. When I woke up he greeted me warmly and we kissed a bit, then talked until I went home at about 3. He said he would call me later to maybe meet again that night, he couldn't because he was too tired but that was fine. We kept talking for about a week. Not a frequently but still enough to keep me thinking he was interested. It has now been a week since I last heard anything from him. Granted classes have started and he is teaching but he should have time to send one text or e-mail response right? I have sent him 2 emails, a couple texts and some fb messages and he hasn't responded to any. Is he trying to tell me that he isn't interested? I know that he probably just wanted sex and that Im dumb for falling for him, geeze I barely know the guy. Hes 21 years older than me and he has a set life. I have no chance. My problem is that I might be in love with him. His personality makes me so happy, when I was with him it felt right. I get butterflies whenever he does decide to text me or respond to anything and even when he doesn't I can't stop thinking about him. Im freaking out because I feel like I am reaching stalker potential. I want to see him so badly, I look at his facebook all the time. It hurts so bad that he doesn't respond but I am holding onto the hope that he is interested and that he will respond eventually. What should I do? Should I give up on him even though he is the first guy I have liked this badly in 4 years? I have had boyfriends and dated but no guy has captivated my interest like he has. I find myself not interested in anyone else which has never happened in my life. I really don 't know what to do anymore. How can i get him to respond without overwhelming him? Did I already overwhelm him? Is there any chance for me? How can you stop thinking about someone who is constantly running through your mind?
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (18 March 2012):
 Sorry to hear that it all went pear-shaped for you but I think perhaps you will be a bit wiser from the experience. Best wishes for your new romance.
A
female
reader, Risingstar624 +, writes (15 March 2012):
Risingstar624 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo all those who answered this question, thanks for your advice. Against all better judgement I went with my "heart" and got it smashed into little pieces. The professor and I no longer speak and I am now seeing an amazing man who loves me for being me and who doesn't leave me hanging, thanks everyone.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (18 January 2012):
I know someone who is an assistant professor at a university and who doesn't teach every semester. This person still holds their rules and regulations to be binding, even in the 'off' semester.I think you are spending a lot of time fantasizing. Is everything else going okay in your life?
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A
female
reader, Risingstar624 +, writes (17 January 2012):
Risingstar624 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAnswering some questions: No he is not married. He has no kids or girlfriends or anything. I would have never gotten involved with a married man. Also he is not technically a professor at my college right now. He is an assistant professor or something so that means he is hired based on the classes he is teaching the semester. So this semester he isn't even employed by my school. I would never put his career at risk. I know I may seem kinda crazy but I do not want to completely uproot his life. I understand where he is coming from I just wish I could be part of his life in any way. Even as a friend or hookup buddy.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2012): What should you do? Unfortunately, what you need to do in this situation is forget about the professor and move on. The indications are that he finds you attractive and wanted to have sex with you, but he realizes that he can't have a proper relationship with a student. That's why, after getting sex, he has withdrawn. Maybe he'd be up for an encore performance, but as you want something more that would only lead to additional pain and suffering.
Do yourself a huge favor and move on. Use this as a valuable lesson. Coworkers and others that we relate to professionally or in a position of authority over us, such as a teacher, should be off limits generally speaking.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (17 January 2012):
Does "he has a set life" mean he's married too?
Look, I'm sorry, but you got sexually involved with a guy who probably does this a lot. He's in a position that places him squarely in contact with loads of co-eds, many of whom are naive and not that experienced. He figured out how to chat you up, pressed the right buttons and voila, you went to bed with him.
Now, he realizes that you are more into him than he is into you and this means that he has to cut off communication. The stalking and messages and all that will have reinforced for him that he has to distance himself from you. He's not going to upset his "set life," and start openly dating one of his former students, the semester after he had her in class. It's a career killer. Not to mention, he probably lines one or two of you up each semester and it's an unspoken truth that it's not going to lead anywhere.
The problem here is that you have decided this means more and that you have developed feelings beyond the casual closeness--an oxymoron, I know but it seems apropos--that you two shared for a short while.
I think you need to take a great big step back, block yourself from all the stalking behaviors, this is sounding a bit obsessive compulsive right now, and conduct a brutal reality check.
It's not nice, it's not comfortable, but the fantasy world you are building is going to come collapsing around your ears as you come to realize that it's not going to happen. You may as well face this sooner, rather than later.
I would suggest going to the campus counseling center and having a long discussion with one of the professionals there. This guy may have a pattern and maybe he needs to lose his job, but you need the help in coping with what's happened.
Sorry for the inevitable let-down you're about to face. Get help and good luck.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (17 January 2012):
 Maybe he decided that his job was more important than a fling with a coed. If you are a student at the sam university that he teaches at, whether directly a student of his or not, he can get sacked.
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