A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Im very worried because i think im fridgid. All my life i hate it when people hugged me or touched me and im exteremly stiff, it never realy bothered me but then i relised something is very wrong with me. I dont want a boyfriend like everyone else and i hate it when friends try and hugg me goodbye. What do i do? Is there something wrong me or could i just be shy? When i was younger i was inttroduced to sex at a very young age like 5 or 6. I went to this terrible school where there was this 'mentally challenged' girl. She was about same age as me. These two boys used to drag her around the playground and finger her against her will. But the teachers didn't do anything. I just have this image of her in my head screaming for help welst being dragged away into this 'plastic playhouse' for kids. I was to terrified to help her and i feel so guilty.The two boys were about 12. When i told my mum she didn't care she thought i was making it up. Also my dad used to take drugs and bring all his friends to the house. All i remember is my parents shouting. I have had a pretty sad childhood.Do you think all of my memories have put me off sex? maybe im fridgid because of this? What should i do i dont want ot be fridgid anymore?
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drugs, frigid, shy Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (22 September 2010):
 I agree with Ashley it sounds like you anwered your own question...funny how cathardic this site is huh?
A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (10 June 2009):
 Pretty easy to explain, you have grown up with a negative image of both sex and relationships. To you sexual acts represent rape and relationships are conflict.
While it is easy to see why you feel this way, it is something you are going to have to deal with unless you are content to remain single for the rest of your life.
In a way, you have been sexually abused and would require the same kind of therapy abuse survivors need. There should be support available, a doctor would be a good place to ask for advice.
Therapy could help you deal with the trauma and learn that it doesn't have to be like this. That not all sex and relations are like the ones you experienced as a child.
Sadly, what you experienced is all to common, but at least that means that help is available. Start reading about abuse survival. Don't think you can fix this however with self-help. You had all your life to get twisted up like this and are going to need help to untwist. Often just seeing that you are not alone helps with getting started on the road to recovery.
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A
female
reader, Ashley-Pie  +, writes (9 June 2009):
I don't know much about stuff like this, but i think you just answered your own question.I've read a lot of books about children that have gone through things like this and the impact that is has on them and i think that this is a touchy subject.You're very brave for coming on here and talking about these things that happened to you and i think that the next step for you is the healing.No, i don't think you're frigid. I don't like that word.I believe that you are hurt and have problems that you need to deal with before anything else can happen.And once you have you can find someone that really listens to you and cares about you and you will feel comfortable enough to be less frigid around them. Someone that takes the time to listen to you and know what you've been through is worth letting your guard down for.
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A
male
reader, holikdad +, writes (9 June 2009):
Unfortunately past experiences can have a huge impact on your sex life so maybe. It also could be a chemical imbalance so I would consult your doctor as well.In your situation if it is your past that's making you this way then you'll just have to find the right guy that you like enough and treats you the right way that will allow you to open up. Though if this is the case it'll take you awhile to find that person because you've narrowed down you requirements for a partner.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2009): You could be autistic?
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A
female
reader, kittykhaos +, writes (9 June 2009):
 Have you thought about seeing someone a councillor maybe. You obviously have bad associations with sex and i can understand if this is what is holding you back from physical interaction. You need to get rid of the guilt you feel for not helping this girl at 5 or 6 you were probably worried (and rightly so) that they would do the same to you. I think its awful that your mom wouldn't listen to you. Also it sounds like maybe you have a bad feeling towards men because of your father and his friends. I know its a slightly odd question but do you find men attractive? Is there a question maybe of your sexuality or do you think it is just a deep down mistrust of people? I have some friends who are very shy but they are still able to hug people. Try and talk through this with someone and i hope that you can resolve the underlying cause in your head. Not everyone is out to hurt someone i hope one day you are free to expirience how amazing letting someone in can be :)
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