A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hello all. I have a very confusing situation that I need help with. I am currently married but we have been living together but separated for years. We stay together because of our kids and the lifestyle for them; but neither of us are happy. We simply don't get along and haven't for years. I haven't dated anyone else since we got married, and hadn't really even desired dating. My life had been my children and I have given up my chance for a happy relationship to stay with them.Well, recently I met someone who changed that feeling. From the moment I first saw her my heart skipped a beat. It wasn't just her looks and I can't explain what I felt; but it was amazing. We got along instantly and had a blast hanging out a few weekends ago. We partied, danced, cuddled, and I tried to kiss her, but she didn't let me that first weekend. We just spent another weekend together, however, the cicumstances were very, very odd. You see, my wife was actually here this time and this girl is a friend of my nephews girlfriend. Oh, and she's also half my age. Lost yet?Well, I explained my situation with my wife and how we live separate lives (how I have my own room, etc.). At first she was ok with it and we had a great first night this 2nd weekend. We were laying out near the lake I live on and were wrapped in a blanket cuddling. We kissed for the first time and it was pure magic. We then fell asleep outside and I woke up kind of freaked out. I woke her up and said we should probably go back up to the house. She went into the bathroom and when she came out we were holding hands and she said, "I just can't do this, you are married and so much older than me" and went to sleep on the couch. My heart literally felt like it was tearing apart. We talked the next day and I asked her if she meant what she said ... she said yes. I told her I understood even though it hurt to do so. I don't want to lose her forever so I thought the best thing was to say we should remain friends and that it was all ok. I think she knows I want more though, and I know that she likes me too (from her friend). She is just to afraid to let herself get caught up in such a weird situation. We've texted back and forth since she left yesterday, but I know she's afraid to get close to me now.Finally, my question ... how can I reassure her about all of this? What should I say without pushing her away more? Should I keep it cool and just be friends with her? Should I just sit her down and tell her my true feelings and risk it all? Am I an idiot for thinking that I should be allowed to find happiness again?:::::sigh:::::
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2008): Thanks for the advice all. The moving out thing is a tough one, but I guess I don't have any choice long term. I am still talking to "the girl" and keeping it as friends. She just asked to stay the weekend again this Friday with me though. Oh the confusing web I am in. :)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2008): Sweetie... Just give her a little space. I think she is more scared by the fact that you still live in the same house as your wife...That would really creep me out if I were in her shoes.
If she knows how you feel, keep it on a friendship basis for now. That way she dosen't feel any preasure, and she can really get to know you inside and out.
Please considder finding new living arrangments...It will be much easier in the future if you do. Best of luck!!
~~The GabberJack
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A
male
reader, Straight Up1  +, writes (2 September 2008):
 Can't blame the young gal for being nervous about the situation you are involved in....and in fact hats off to her for being smart enough to hold back!!it may make YOU happy to be with her...but the baggage you carry my friend would scare a woman of any age!! I mean...you still live with your wife no matter what the arrangement...it looks bad to any woman interested in you.If you really want to be happy for yourself...then move out of your arrangement and be a great father as you currently are.But to date a young gal..you have to be patient and understand her fears!! remember she has to think about her future... what that looks like to her friends and family....if she wants kids one day...a built in family... your age in 10 years when she wants other things etc etc.and I can relate... not just throwing blind advice!! dated many young gals and am a single father!!
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A
female
reader, cthulhuhugs +, writes (2 September 2008):
 You probably can't change her mind about what she wants in a relationship. She obviously knows how you feel, so I suggest you don't make her more uncomfortable. Just relax and let your friendship grow. If you refuse to change your lifestyle you can't really expect the same of her.
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