A
male
age
51-59,
*ob-from-US
writes:A friend who asked a question here and got some good advice recommended me to this site. I just started looking around, but I like it. I might just start answering questions myself.Anyway, my request for advice deals with an ex-girlfriend from high school. I dated this girl in high school for a while (2 years), She wasn't my first girlfriend, but I was her first boyfriend (in every way). Well, she got more and more possessive and we broke up. She was such a nutty psycho-bitch that while I was dating who would eventually be my loving wife, she would park outside my parents house (and then eventually my apartment), and follow me as I went to pick up my girlfriend (who is now my wife for 15+ years). She would actually follow us into restaurants, stores, you name it. Like I said nutty psycho-bitch.Well, about 2 months ago, an old high school friend I hadn't see in over 15 years (oh, I forgot to mention, my wife and I moved about 3 hours away from where we both grew up) contacted me through classmates.com. I arranged a visit (without my wife) because I thought I was only seeing a bunch of old male high school friends. Well, guess what, nutty psycho-bitch was there (she was married to one of my old friends brothers for a while, so was still in contact with this group).I was friendly and we talked, she is 3 times divorced (not a surprise) and was asking about me. She wanted my cell#, but I lied and said it was paid for by work, and only for work calls. I avoided telling her much except that we live outside Philadelphia.Well our phone# is listed in the directory, and I discovered that if you go to superpages.com and click on 'regional search' you can get a list of everyone with any name similar to mine. I'm on page 2 of this list. Over the last few weeks, we have been getting a bunch of calls that show up as 'private caller' on the caller-id. They never leave a message. My wife knows she was there that night, and that I didn't give out our phone# or address or e-mail or anything (my wife knows how much I disliked this person, who I had forgot about for a long long time). But now we're getting these phone call hang-ups. My wife answered once or twice only to be hung up on. I have never answers the 'private caller' calls, I am afraid it will be nutty psycho-bitch (I'm really liking this name I made up for her!).Should I look her up? (Not sure how since I have no clue what her current last name is, I'd probably have to ask that old male friend how to get in touch). And ask if it's her calling? And if so, why the hell is she bothering us after all this time. Or should I file a complaint with the phone company, not sure where that would go, since it's just annoying, not threatening. My wife is almost to the point of suggesting that we drive up, pay a visit, and have someone just disapear.
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broke up, divorce, ex girlfriend, friend's brother Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2007): Protect yourself legally. Document EVERYTHING. Save voice mail messages to your PC, be sure to include the greeting and any timestamp to keep you out of trouble. If it's really ugly, have a camera set up on a tripod in a convenient window so if she's outside, you can reach and "snap."
At least you didn't marry a psycho like I did.
http://www.thepsychoexwife.com
A
male
reader, Bob-from-US +, writes (7 December 2007):
Bob-from-US is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks everyone. We don't want to change our phone# or get a temporary one. When we bought this last house, it was in a different township and had to change numbers. I actually paid extra every month for 1 year to keep the old phone# and have it forwarded to our current number. What a pain that was. Not gonna do it because of this person.
The phone company says that if the call comes up as 'private caller' (which it does), and isn't originated from the same phone company as us, then a trace won't work. Instead, what they did was add a feature (for free!) called anonymous call rejection. No more calls can get through that are 'private caller'. If it is her calling, she will have to 'unblock' her number before calling. Then we can have a caller-id record, and can issue traces with the phone company.
Hopefully, the fear of having to 'expose' herself if she calls will just stop this.
Thanks again.
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A
female
reader, Cateyes +, writes (6 December 2007):
 I'll make this quick and simple...report to your local phone company the problem. Ask them if they can give you a temporary phone number for one month and go back to your original one. What they will do, is your "old" phone number will show as no longer in use or something to that effect..you can work with them on that...because that happened to me. They would rather help you out believe me.
Hope all works out with you.
Yea...I liked the name you gave her too!! :)
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A
male
reader, anon_e_mouse  +, writes (5 December 2007):
 I would say just change your telephone number, perhaps even contact the phone company to put a block on the number she's possibly calling from.
If it gets out of hand I'm sure you can do something about it legally - harrassment or something.
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A
male
reader, CorpusDei +, writes (5 December 2007):
 Having been in a similar situation myself, I can certainly relate to the frustration, the irritation, and the concern that being on the recieving end of this can cause. The biggest thing you need to understand is that any attention you initiate to her will be misinterpreted and will likely add to the situation. Don't call her, don't initiate anything. When she calls you, if you pick up, limit yourself to "Yes" or "no answers. Don't be antagonistic, but don't do _anything_ to move the conversation forward. Basically be as completely boring as you possibly can. End the call by telling her you've got something on the stove, or somebody just pulled up, or some other BS answer. It will likely take a little while, but a person in this mindset is needing attention, any attention from you. When she stops getting it, she'll probably try harder for a little while, then some other poor sod will catch her attention and she'll leave you alone. Then change your phone number and make it unlisted.
If things escalate, then you need to take a stronger tack. Advise her in a calm manner that you are no longer in a situation where you feel comfortable associating with her and you politely request that she not call you anymore. If she calls again and espically if you find yourself in clear and rational concern for your health or property, then look into what's required by your local police department to get a restraining order. Above all, though, remember that the more attention you feed her, the more she's going to keep coming back.
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