A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have this strange issue. I feel that I am very attractive however, I think I must be the only one as I never get hit on, no one asks me out and no one stares at me in the street. Whenever, I walk into a room I don't even get a glance from one guy, let alone many. But this is hte thing, I really feel as if I am pretty/attractive. I am very happy with my hair, my teeth, figure, boobs etc but I don't think anyone else sees it! I have never been called ugly, but I have never been called beautiful either. so I'm confused, whats going on? My theory is that I am an Asian female in a predominantly white area in England so perhaps this is it?
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2010): Actually not to contradict YouWish as she gave great advice. But I suspect you have the same problem as a hell of a lot of girls I know. You are getting checked out and hit on but you just don't see it or don't see it that way.
These girls I know complain about the exact same thing and look for reasons for it too. "Am I sending out the wrong signals" "Am I not pretty enough" and in your case the reason you think, is your ethnicity. Well that's a load of crap in their cases and I suspect in your case too. I walk down the road and see guys check them out all the time and they never notice it. Whereas from the minute we leave to go somewhere to the minute we go our separate ways there's always a guy taking a good long look at them.
You have to remember we guys are very adept at not letting the girl who's boobs we're ogling, see us ogling her. We've been doing that since we were kids, we've had a lot of practice. I'm sure you've been somewhere with friends and caught guys checking them out lots of times and I bet these guys too made sure your friends didn't notice them doing it. It's funny because that leads women to think that they're friends are always getting checked out but they're not. It's not that, we're just sneaky feckers, us guys.
My girl friends always get chatted up too but they just see it as guys being friendly or, and I really don't understand this, they know they're getting chatted up but don't count it as such because they're not interested in the guy.
Let me tell you a little secret about us guys, we NEVER, I repeat NEVER, spark up a random conversation with a girl if we're not interested in her (I'm not talking about co-workers, or shop assitants etc. I'm talking girls we've not met before). There is absolutely no such thing as "just being friendly" for us guys, girls like to think there is but there isn't.
Basically guys are checking you out all the time, they just don't let you see them do it. Remember there's no such thing as being friendly, if a guy starts talking to you he's interested full stop. Even if he doesn't make any sexual overtones or make a move on you, he's still interested, that's how we work. We talk to girls we like, we don't approach girls we're not interested in. And if like my friends there have been plenty of lemons and weirdos asking you out, do count them as being hit on, they are men after all. Even if you're not interested count them and use the fact that these men like you as an ego boost.
A
male
reader, gigolojone  +, writes (9 September 2010):
 Sorry to hear that.
You did talk about your beauty but did not talk about the way you dress.
Could it be that the way you dress or the clothes that you wear do not bring out the beauty that you possess?
Try to change your wardrobe,look for some clothes that look really nice on you that when you wear them you will be the center of attraction.
If this doesn't work,you can always get back to me and i will be more than willing to make further suggestions.
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A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (9 September 2010):
 In this case, it's all about the signals you're putting out. You may be very attractive, but if people think that you're a snob or an ice queen or otherwise intimidating, they won't look in your direction.
Make brief eye contact and smile at people. That's huge - do a lot more smiling. Your expression and body language must draw people in! If you intimidate people, they assume subconsciously that you want nothing to do with them, even though nothing could be further from the truth!
The other thing is - you need to go where people are in the mindset of dating. At the grocery store, the bus station, or the airport, guys aren't really in "pick up" mode. However, at the club, the bar, a sports group, and you're in business!
Also, if you're always alone, that can be intimidating too. Next time you go out, go with 2 of your friends, not more, not less. Good luck!
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