A
male
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anonymous
writes:I was bullied really badly at school, this guy to begin with asked me for money in order to be his friends, my parents had moved house so I didn't know anyone and I was just starting high school. Although I stopped paying him after my first year the bullying got worse. Even last year he got a group of kids older than me to torment me. It was so bad that I'm scared still today to walk past them on the street.This year I met this girl who I started to like who's at my high school. Even though she didn't want to go out with me or anyone (she was shy) she was one of the few people who who was nice to me. The problem I have is that I think I'm now stalking her. I don't follow her but I know where she lives, what her phone number is, her birthday etc. even though I never asked her. I've been outside her house twice at night, the latest was last night. It was then I realised that what I was doing was wrong and she might hate me if she knew I was there both nights though last night I had to go past her house as one of the bully's was walking up the other way up the street where my car was nearby.My question is this - Am I stalking her, is it a cause of the bullying from before, and should I receive professional help?
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (29 June 2006):
 If you continue to do these things surreptiously, at night, and without her knowledge, I'd begin to worry about you leaning toward stalker-like behaviour. Right now, you're probably a little obsessed with her, but nothing to get too worried about.
What happens though, if she discovers you lurking outside her place one moonless night? She'll completely freak, and you'll never have any chance with her again, that's what.
So, do the right thing. Get talking to her. Stop sneaking around and admit that you like her and you like that she was nice to you, and that makes her attractive. Just start by saying hello with a smile. Work from there.
Here's the warning though: if she doesn't return your smile or wave back, or say hello to you after a few attempts, THEN you back right off. When you know that she's not interested, but you keep at it, *that's* when things get ugly and stalkerish.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2006): I know some people wont agree with this, but my advice is to take up a martial art if there is a good one near you (nothing competitive or that involves blood). It's amazing what confidence it gives you. I have never had to use mine but it gives me confidence to stand up to people. I'm a teacher and i've several times found that a quiet but suprisingly confident kid is actually a martial art student. Of course once you have the ability to hurt someone you have the responsibility to control that power and not use it, but bullies will pobably sense it and back off. Then hopefully you can get your perspective back with this (and any other) girl. Hope this helps. good luck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI went to the the principle when it happened. In fact I went twice the teachers did nothing serious and the bullying got worse. I know I should have put that in but unfortunately teachers aren't always great at these things
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2006): First, why the hell didn't you go to the administration about his bullying?!?!?!
Second, you're not really stalking her, but those are signs you might want to consider. You don't need professional help at the moment, but you can go for it if you wish. I suggest you friggin stand up for yourself and first, go to the principle, tell your parents, and ask your counsellor to setup a meeting with that bully. YOU HAVE TO Solve that problem. As for the girl, you just have to keep it easy.
Geez, I need some help explaining stuff.
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