A
female
age
36-40,
*nb4eva
writes:I'm a 22 year old and I think I'm a lesbian. I never had any type of.dealings with.a female but this is something that is constantly on my mind. It's to the point where I sometimes watch lesbian porno wishing it was me. But I'm afraid I won't be accepted by my peers. What should I do???
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female
reader, compleatly confused  +, writes (28 December 2010):
dear bnb4eva,
I've been there done that , you don't need to kiss a girl to know if your gay I don't think at all , it's all about feeling the love and compassion for another girl , that longing to hold her and kiss her spontaneously.
just like you I thought my peers would not accept me especially seen as how I was 14 and outed
but before I told my closest friends I had to know who would accept it so I would try and bring up gay things in a conversation, find there views on it and see what they say
but the honest truth is that you truly wont know what will happen untill you do it , no-one can tell you what will happen
I say make sure first before you make any snap decisions
if you do intact find out you are then just get it over and done with , you are 22 your in a position where youcan distance your self alot more if they don't accept you , but you never know you might be pleasantly suprised
but you can't stay in the closet forever
good luck I hope you do well! :)
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2010): “There comes a time when you have to stand up and shout:This is me damn it! I look the way I look, think the way I think, feel the way I feel, love the way I love! I am a whole complex package. Take me... or leave me. Accept me - or walk away! Do not try to make me feel like less of a person, just because I don't fit your idea of who I should be and don't try to change me to fit your mold. If I need to change, I alone will make that decision.When you are strong enough to love yourself 100%, good and bad - you will be amazed at the opportunities that life presents you.”
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2010): Thanks everyone for your advice I really appreciate it... it definitely made me think about alot of things. And clarified things up!!
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (26 December 2010):
 Porn is not real. Might you like lesbian porn because hetero-porn is often not that nice?
Are there real life women you would want to be with? Someone you like beyond friendship. You get labelled with the gay/hetero tag for the people you date, not the porn you watch.
Lesbian/straight isn't also a clear divide especially since it is far more accepted in society for women to be bi-sexual.
But thinking your lesbian might also give you a way to escape the role your peers are pressuring you in. A way to rebel? Might you be trying to find who you are, rather then what society is trying to tell you?
What is it YOU want, were does your heart tell you to go. Not your porn movie or friends.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (25 December 2010):
 Never let what people think about you ever stop you from exploring your own sexuality. I wouldn't get too hung up on your label. The real issue here is who you're feeling oriented towards. If you feel that you're more wired to loving women, then explore it! It's a joyous thing and part of our growth process.
Many women get married and have families knowing that they've always been a lesbian, yet fear of how their family or society will view them cause them not to follow that path. So they feel stifled, unfulfilled, and depressed in life.
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A
female
reader, TheFallBackGurl +, writes (25 December 2010):
 there is nothing wrong with being a lesbian im a lesbian and i didnt know untill after id been dating guys for some time at first i thought i was bi but im not my parents are very religious my family has a church that they own and run but they are taking it pretty well my grandma has no problem with it she just doesnt want to see it (as in the kissing and stuff) my mom was a lil upset but she got over it within the week when i learned i was lez i had specific questions if u have any feel free to message me ill answer them to the best of my ability. im sure ur scared right now but its just who u are people will accept u and yes some will reject u but hey u cant hide who u are hope everything works out hun
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A
female
reader, DenimandLace44 +, writes (25 December 2010):
 Sometimes we have to just live what we are even if it isnt the popular view. You will be able to live as you are for awhile, but there will come a time when you are so miserable, you will HAVE to be yourself. And when you reach that point it will be easier than you think.
You may be suprised at their response...they probably suspect already. But even if they dont, there are other friends out there that will accept you just as you are. Believe me, you will find a way thru this.
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A
female
reader, followtheblackrabbit  +, writes (25 December 2010):
 You "think" you're a lesbian...it's not a sure thing in your mind it seems. I read this article which stated that a lot of straight women were still aroused when viewing lesbian porn or reading erotic lesbian literature. A lot of women are a little bi-curious :) Being a lesbian would mean having more than a passing sexual interest in other women, it would also mean being able to fall in love with them. Your sexual orientation/preference really isn't anyone's bussiness but your own. But before you put that label on yourself, you really should try and see how you "deal" with women. Have you ever had a crush on woman? How do you feel about being a woman's girlfriend? Being a girlfriend? Try dating women. Get an idea of what you want out of life. But, being gay isn't a choice. Sadly, there are people who will not accept you if you are. It's a fact of life. But, there are also people who will :) Be strong, the world is changing little by little and there are places more gay-friendly than others.
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