A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Typical questionMe and my bf have been dating for about 3 months and I think Im in love. I really want to take our relationship to the next level (sex) but Idk if it's the right thing.He's not a virgin but I am and i did make a promise to myself to wait till i knew i was in love. I have a promise ring and have taken an abstinence pledge. I know that he respects my descion but I think I really wanna do this.Any opinions? Thanx =XWe're both 16. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Lauren90 +, writes (22 September 2011):
 I am 16 too and me and my boyfriend waited until about almost 5 months. It was our first times too. I have dealing with emotional anxieties ever since. I would wait until you are emotionally ready, alot of people don't realize how that can have an impact on it, until they've experienced it. Be careful, and safe.Take care, and keep me updated.
A
female
reader, Love_is_all_youu_need  +, writes (28 June 2009):
 Wait until you're 100% certain before you do it.
Two words of warning though:
- Make sure you use protection, do not risk getting pregnant.
- Your first time hurts like hell. I can't even describe the pain, so don't expect it to be a pleasurable experience on the first occasion.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2009): At your age, I'd be very, very careful in making decisions about sex. Dating for three months is a nice beginning, but it really isn't long enough to test the quality of the relationship. I'd wait until you've been dating at least a year.
If you do have sex, you should use contraception, but remember that even the best contraceptives are only about 98% reliable. What would you do if you became pregnant? Would you be willing to have an abortion? Would you be willing to bear and raise a child? It's important to think these things through BEFORE you have sex, and it's important to discuss them with your boyfriend. If your relationship can't bear this sort of discussion, then the two of you definitely aren't ready to have sex.
There's an emotional dimension to this as well. Sex makes you vulnerable to each other on a very primitive, elemental level. That can be wonderful or awful, depending on how well you know each other, how much you trust each other, how fully you accept each other. It's NOT a substitute for knowing each other in other ways. Spend some more months talking-- get to know him as well as one can possibly know another human being-- and the sex will be all the better for it, when and if it happens.
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A
female
reader, Fiona xxx +, writes (10 June 2009):
 Thanks for your reply. When you said you knew there was a possibility of having sex before marriage. I bet you thought it would be when you are a bit older than you are, and certainly to somebody whom you know you are going to marry - possibly if you have known him a year or whatever. I think you need to consider if how you are feeling now, is it a lot different to your anticipations. All I know is, it's easy to say one thing, when you have never been in the situation, and it's another following through with it, when the opportunities are there.
I am sure it helps if he's a christian too, that way there will be less pressure. If you waited until 6 months, that's in effect waiting for the same amount of time, that has already gone by, does that feel like no time at all, or feel like ages?
I know you are not in love, and you cannot be sure that you will marry him. Can you accept having sex, in the way that other people do, see how things go, and accepting the possibility of things ending at some point?
It's not if you have sex with somebody that determines if you get hurt, it's how emotionally involved you are - ie knowing eachothers life stories and knowing so much about eachother early on etc. It's all this and being dumped that determines if you get hurt if it ends, not if you have sex or not. It's possible to not have sex and still get hurt if the relationship ends.
I guess it depends on how much the waiting means to you, or if your attitudes have changed.
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A
male
reader, dddddddd  +, writes (10 June 2009):
Easy! If you're not sure then chances are you're not completely ready. Wait a while, think it over, and maybe a bit down the track you will be sure you're ready.
You could regret it if you think you're not ready. No harm in making sure you're sure!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2009): To answer some of you guys um question i guess
I am catholic and I took the pledge knowing that It was a possibility that I would have sex before marriage. Maybe I am not in love but maybe i am kinda sure I want to lose it to him.
I am on birth control because of my PCOS and no he's not pressuring me into anything. So I guess I could wait till 6-8 month period.
Um, he is a cristian by the way...
Thanx for the opinions too i would love to hear more plz
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A
female
reader, Fiona xxx +, writes (9 June 2009):
I don't think anybody is truly ready or sure, when they loose their virginity. Three months is a while isn't it, longer than what a lot of people wait, these days isn't it.
At 3 months do you really love him? Or are you in love with the idea of being in love with him? 2-3 months is plenty of time to decide you have things in common, and know you are really fond of him, and you'll imagine you will be together a while. Is this enough for you? True love doesn't happen until you are at least 6-8 months together, so would you wait that long? Would he be happy to wait, knowing that he has had sex before?
How much did you believe in the promise ring, and your abstinence pledge? Was it something you really believed in and were passionate about at the time? Was it something you did because your Mum wanted you to do, or was it because your friends were doing the same thing? Clearly it will be hard to discuss this with others who took the pledge because they would disagree with you even thinking about all this.
Did you take the pledge, from your heart, with total commitment? Or at the back of your mind, were you a bit open-minded, thinking perhaps you would have sex at some point, before marriage?
The thing is 3 months might not be long enough to know this is the guy you will marry.
If you have sex with this guy, and you split up, your eyes will be open to sex and you will want it again, with the next person. That's inevitable.
There are a lot of wider issues, due to your pledge.
What does your boyfriend think about this pledge? Did you tell him that you took it? Is he a christian? Or is he the average sort of lad, who just wants sex, and you see yourself as the average sort of girl, and perhaps think, in retrospect you shouldn't have made the pledge?
I don't know if you have asked yourself all these questions, but having sex does change you, and you have the added complications, rather than somebody who has been together for 3 months, and are wondering if it's long enough.
What do you think of the pledge, now when you look back? Do you still believe it's the most important thing to you, or do you regret it, thinking you made it, before knowing that you would have this opportunity and feel this way?
What about the other people, whom you took the pledge with? Do I assume they are somehow not tempted, and somehow have avoided a boyfriend?
I am interested in knowing what others have to say and hearing your follow-up.
Do take care, and don't feel guilty about whatever you decide and good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2009): http://www.dearcupid.org/question/thinking-about-losing-your-virginity.html
Copy and paste to your browser.
Written by Satindesire and will be helpful.
All my love,
SY.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2009): If you're not certain, than don't do it. The loss of virginity ends up being one of the most regretted things i've heard about. As well as seen on this site.
Once he's got it, you can't have it back.
And as for maturity wise, how do you know?
Well.. picture going into a store to ask the sales clerk to get the condoms from behind the case from you. Can you handle it? Is it embarassing? Do you have second thoughts or an urge to just leave without them?
And four months later, you go into the same store. Can you handle asking the sales clerk to get the home pregnancy test for you? Are you embarrassed? Ashamed? Regretting anything?
And if you have a pregnancy scare, are you shocked? Did you think "it won't happen to me" or are you fully accepting and understand that you took the actions that lead to this?
It's up to you , Love, but my opinion says "wait."
Wait until you have no doubt whatsoever and know and can handle the consequences.
My husband was born on birth control. A friend of mine after her mther's tubes were tied!
~SY.
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