A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I don’t know how to begin so I gues ill just start talking. I afarid. Afraid that no matter how nuch I try ill never meet someone that will love me as much as I do them. I know someone that will but he doesn’t want to. Should I just sit around here hoping that one day he will come around. Am I stupid. I think I am but I don’t know what to do. Before we moved to this new city our relationsship was lovely. We even talked about getting married. Now I feel like im fighting just to spend alittle time with him everyday. I think I being a fool. He is making a big fool out of me. He has told me himself that he doesn’t want to be with me because he still wants to go out and party and have a good time. But all im doing is sitting around at home wanting, trying to wait patiently on him at least, but its getting really frustrating. Im sick of this shit. I ask myself so may times why can’t I just leave him. Why am I sitting here hoping for something that isn’t going to even happen. I don’t understand why he expects me to stay at home and wait on him when he can’t even respect me when he goes out. Am I really that stupid. Im afraid to leave. I really am. I think if I do that then I my not find nobody that can treat me good. But what good is he to me when all im doing is crying everyday. Its not worth it. Its not worth it at all. All the stress and pain he is causing me. Its not worth this. Im 21 years old I shouldn’t feel this way. I should be living my life. But Im stuck im really truly honestly stuck. He is a really good man but right now he is just a straight up ass hole to me. I want to be with him. Im afraid to go out and do anything because if I do I don’t think he would want to be with me later on. I so scared to just leave him because its to hard. We’ve been together 2 years. We were friends for a while then we started dating. Those are supposed to be the best relationships but this one is not turning out to be that way. I don’t know. Is it because he is a man and he thinks everything should go his way? Ill do anything for him and he knows it. But I think I really need a break. That’s hard to stick by though. I keep saying it but I run right back to him not even two secods later it seems like. Whats wrong with me? I guess me running back isn’t much of a help. Maybe I should make him chase me but I don’t know how. I hate waiting. I just want someone to love me as much as I do them. When is it gonna come to me. When will it be my turn. I know if I just back off alittle and let him come to me I would know how much he really cares but that’s hard. I just need some kind of advise. But of course I have no one to talk to. I have no friend s out here. Just him. And look where that has me. The only one I did have moved away. But when I occasionally talk to her she tells me to leave. Something I know I should do but its hard. Can somebody at least point me in some kinda direction that would help some of my sorrow. Ease my mind just alittle. Maybe im the problem. Maybe its my mind. I don’t know. I been through this before and I left him the first time he starting to act this way no questions asked. And its happening again and im afraid if I leave again ill mess up. Because when this happened with my last boyfriend he wasn’t even doing anything wrong. I just jumped to conclusions. And I honestly feel like I messed up. Because I loved him a lot. I still do. And I don’t want to lose that chance again. But I don’t like being so insecure. and I don’t like it when someone makes me feel that way. Maybe I need to back up and just let whatever happens happen. But that hard. Its so hard. I need some help. I lot of it.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, sappygirl +, writes (18 September 2008):
 "I don’t understand why he expects me to stay at home and wait on him when he can’t even respect me when he goes out. Am I really that stupid." YOU ARE NOT STUPID, SO DON'T TELL YOURSELF THAT. YOU HAVE TO RESPECT YOURSELF FIRST BEFORE ANY MAN WILL RESPECT YOU.
"know if I just back off a little and let him come to me I would know how much he really cares but that’s hard." THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT YOU NEED TO DO. BACK OFF. THE MORE YOU TRY TO SHOW THAT YOU LOVE HIM AND CARES HE WILL TAKE ADVANTAGE OF IT, NOT CHERISH IT.
"don’t like being so insecure. and I don’t like it when someone makes me feel that way." THEN DON'T LET HIM MAKE YOU FEEL THIS WAY. BE STRONG SO THAT WHAT HE DOES AND SAY DOES NOT AFFECT YOU.
I've been in the same exact shoes that you've been in. wondering why he doesn't love me as much when i'm giving and doing everything i can. Then I realize, that he can never love me the way i want if I don't love myself first.
i was being clingly and needy without even realizing it, and this quality will kill any attraction that men have towards you. The are drawn to strong, independant women who know what they want and don't rely on them for emotional issues.
By reading you post I can't understand your fear of losing him, but what you should be more afraid of is LOSING YOURSELF. You need to get out there and make new friends. Do things that will make you happy besides him. He cannot MAKE you happy, only you can do that for yourself. Emotionally he probably feels tired because your draining him. That's why he's acting like a jerk, to get some space and distant. So if you want to be with him and want it to work, you have to work on yourself, love yourself, and this will remind him of the woman he first fell in love with. Good luck
A
male
reader, flahammerhead +, writes (18 September 2008):
You sound to me like you have been scared for a long time, scared of not being loved and cared. Saying "you just want to be loved", suggests when you don't feel that way, you will be unhappy. In other words, you have based your happiness on how you feel you are each day in the relationship, instead of being happy with yourself first and finding the relationship that works for you. It is my guess that you didn't feel much love growing up and have found yourself "running" when you don't feel loved in a relationship too. I believe your friend is correct that you need to move on AND to seek counseling for yourself as it appears you have pain that predates your relationship, but has affected you relationships and your life. Take charge of your life and happiness, including getting healthy yourself first. You will find a healthy relationship when you are in that state of mind too.
Peace
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A
female
reader, Missbarrass  +, writes (18 September 2008):
Try this.
You say your stuck. Who does not feel stuck? We are stuck to our house till it sells, we are stuck to are car till it sells, we are stuck to our jobs till we find a new one and we are stuck with are partners....
But the only reason we stick to people is due to our own inscurities. And you my dear sound very upset and very very down.
My advice...
if you cant leave him now, then try a few things to build up your self asteam. Please go for a jog! You may think I am a keep fit guru or something, but I am saying it works.
Start by a brisk walk around the park, you can drive to a park you hardly go to if you feel people you know might spot you! Walk one day, abit faster the next, then jog. Then feel yourself build in strengh. Get your hair done! Buy that pair of shoes you have wanted for ages but can not justify the price.
Cause honey, you are at a low at the moment and need a pick me up. And when you feel better in yourself you will see a relationship is what you choose it to be. If you dislike your partner and cant move on, or think you will be lonely forever... you will be! If you think your dislike your partner, think you can do better and know you will smile more without him... then you will be!!!!
Its all down to mind set so just remember these three things to get your started on a happy outlook to life...
1) Keep Fit
2) Treat yourself ( your worth it)
3) Changes in your life can only be made by you!!!
Keep your chin up.x
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