A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:HiI met a man online. We have gone out several times but something is definitely off. We can only meet about 30 mins from his house. It's like he has a time limit. He says him and his ex still live together which is a HUGE red flag. They share 3 children together. Whenever I ask why he or she hasn't moved out he tells me its financial reasons. I don't have his home phone number , only his cell number. If I text it takes hours for a reply and some bogus excuse. I was sleeping all day. I am hiding from the world. I was busy feeding the kids. He won't answer his cell when I call, either. I have told him I believe there very much together and hes looking to cheat on his wife. Of course he denies that as well. Also, I'm not invited there because apparently the house is messy .I'm very glad I didn't sleep with him. Just been very casual dates and one kiss. I'm ready to throw in the towel. Any suggestions?
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (26 August 2021):
 Urgh, OP
I was thinking if that really IS his ex-wife he will be looking to find a woman to shack up with and live off asap. If he can't afford to live on his own (and pay child support) he will either stay there with her, or want to mooch off another woman...
So yeah, hard pass.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2021): It is very obvious he is either married or the equivalent of married and scared she will find out. Yes he is still with her because of finances, but whatever the reason he wants to cheat on her with you, and you would be a convenient, his blow up doll, his side piece, saving him money he cannot afford to spend on prostitutes. So he tells you excuses like I slept all day etc in the hope you are dumb and desperate enough to accept them and carry on meeting him. He could gain a great deal from you if you carry you, just think about it, where else could he go to get free sex behind his partner's back? You are also over looking something else which is obvious. If he is short of money so that he can end that relationship he will never make a good partner for anyone. He would always be expecting them to provide somewhere to live, car,food, clothes or go without. He would have concentrated on making sure he has a better job and a bigger income so that he could end his sham of a relationship and started again as a single man dating, not looking to cheat and sneak around because it is cheaper.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2021): Seems pretty much like he's married to me!
Did you really need to come to DC about this?
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (24 August 2021):
 Any suggestions? Yes, do what your gut instinct tells you. Yo KNOW there is no future with this man. You KNOW he is lying to you. You KNOW he is no good. Why are you still wasting time on him?
You deserve better. Walk away and don't look back.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2021): Dump him. Its not rocket science. Or you could always go and knock on the door and speak to his wife if you need further assurance.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2021): Throw in the towel!
He is clearly cheating on his wife. He’s looking for some excitement in his life and if you carry on this with him, you will be the one who gets hurt.
Walk away. It’s going nowhere. Find someone who is available for dating,
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (24 August 2021):
Throw in the towel.
He is living with his ex and kids. HOW can he even HAVE a relationship with anyone else?
While I get being financially hard up, THAT happens. And I GET living together to save money and BE there for your kids... I think it's ABSOLUTELY unrealistic for him to be dating.
While I don't think you should visit and meet his kids until you have known a guy for a longer time (I'd say 8-12 months) - that wasn't his concern, his "messy house" was... If he can't text you back because he is "sleeping" maybe he should get off his ass and clean the house?
Think about it. He can't be there for you. You can't be there for him. Not really. He can't even answer his phone.
Wish him well, block and delete and try again with someone else. Someone who is FREE to date.
I would 100% walk away if I were you. This is a non starter.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2021): Throw in the towel.What else ?This guy puts so much effort and care in keeping you at arm's length,and in making sure to NOT include you at least a little in his daily life, that he must be a big fat liar and be still very much together with his so called ex. But even in the very improbable case he was telling the truth, I don't see where's the joy ( and the future ) in the kind of relationship you have now, where you need to be kept a secret and you only get the crumbs of his time and attention.
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