A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I was out of state for new years' and I met this guy. We hit it off, exchanged numbers, but then i had to return home before we could hang out again. We texted sporadically at first, but for 2 weeks now we've texted every single day for hours on end, such that it's almost become routine.The thing though, is I feel like i may have texted myself deep into the friend zone. Our conversations are full of teasing, "lmao"s and slangs, and we even type in broken english to each other sometimes (generally reserved for "the guys"). But then again, we've exchanged nudes, and our convos these days are mostly of a sexual nature (not sexting though, just establishing preferences and such).Basically I think he's an awesome dude and I wouldn't mind getting into a relationship with him even with the long distance. But I'm curious what you think: have I shot myself in the foot with our interactions so far? And if there's still a chance, how do I proceed from here on out?Thanks :)
View related questions:
exchanged numbers, long distance, teasing, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2016): OP here
@WiseOwlE thank you for your reply! as it is, we're still actively messaging, with him initiating most times. but you've definitely given me something to think about.
@ellsie96 actually read the book and i thought to myself "i'm definitely NOT a cool girl" but i can see why you'd say that. Our conversations have been laidback from the jump though, because I was under the impression that he had a girlfriend at first so I wasn't expecting anything (the nudes etc didnt happen until it had been firmly established he no longer had one). I wasn't (and i'm still not) putting on an act for him. But I dunno, I just feel like with the way our convos are our ceiling might be friends with benefits :/
A
female
reader, ellsie96  +, writes (29 January 2016):
 Okay so I definitely don't think you've shot yourself in the foot so far! But what I would say is, you've just met this guy and things are flirty and fun (the nudes, the talking about sexual preferences etc) so to him he's probably thinking, yeah this is great! Got this girl who wants to have all the fun over messages, she's really cool, not said anything about feelings or a relationship or seeing each other, perfect situation.Lots of young guys like zero commitment, and right now that's what you're giving him.If you like him, try and maybe get that across without either sounding too attached or like you're asking for too much, but you also don't want to seem too laid back. Try and strike a balance.Have you seen Gone Girl? Roll with me here this does have a point.In Gone Girl there's this bit where they talk about "cool girls" and right now that's kind of what you're being like.I found the quote online about them"Men always say that as the defining compliment, don't they? She's a cool girl. Being the Cool Girl means I am a hot, brilliant, funny woman who adores football, poker, dirty jokes, and burping, who plays video games, drinks cheap beer, loves threesomes and anal sex, and jams hot dogs and hamburgers into her mouth like she's hosting the world's biggest culinary gang bang while somehow maintaining a size 2, because Cool Girls are above all hot. Hot and understanding."Sorry that's quite long! But basically you don't want to become one of these girls.Try and tell him how you feel about him, you know that you like him and would like things to go a little further than this very flirty-friendly texting, and see how he reacts.If he's not interested in anything this more than this exchange of nudes etc. you've got going on then he isn't ready for commitment and was sort of just taking you for a ride, find someone better for yourself if that is the case.Hope this helps :)
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2016): You move too fast. You're exchanging nudes with a guy you haven't even established much more of a connection than sending too much information about yourself?
He just may not be into having a girlfriend so willing to show-off to get his attention. Even though it may have started out friendly and fun, he may have started to see things a bit differently towards the end. He may have just tired of daily texting. It gets old!
You're trying too hard to get a relationship. Texting is not the way, and long distance is a waste of time when you've only just met someone and haven't had the opportunity to form a romantic bond person-to-person.
Meaning in real-time, in the same room!
I read hundreds of posts from people who try to convince the world they can hold a romance between two devices. Skyping and Instagram are fine for teens, but grown-ups require more intimacy. Emotional and physical connection. People can talk until they're blue in the face, but will never convince me that they are having real relationships when all they do is message and use devices.
When circumstances require people who have real relationships to part, then the waiting has a purpose.
If your bond is established from a long-standing relationship and you must travel, or if you have a bond through marriage. Then you struggle to keep that real thing going. I think for any other purpose, LDR's make no sense.
Conducting a romance that way might be fine for females, but guys like sex! They're going to get it, and will play the little game of LDR to please you. Trust me, they won't hold-out on getting-off to pretend all he needs is a message to be happy. They will play fantasy-romance with a silly girl tied-up in a LDR, and have a real girl on the side. You wouldn't know the difference. For guys with no real emotions, LDRs are fine. The demand nothing much from them but to be present and respond to messages. That requires no emotion or true human inactive skills.
You might be happy clinging by threads of text messages, but real guys want real girls. Too much of anything is bad.
So daily messaging eventually gets boring and silly. Unless you were already in-love, and circumstances set you apart temporarily. The longer you're apart, the more things become strained. People are meant to be together. Period!
Fear not. He may have just lost interest in the messaging, not necessarily in you. However; if there is distance between you, he may not be willing to give up enjoying the pleasures of the natural senses to "read" what you feel day by day; or just view images of you on a screen. Technology is wonderful, but nothing takes the place of having something real and enjoying the human connection. Bonding emotionally and by the sense of touch. As nature would have it.
He might be unable to romantically connect with you emotionally through technology and emoticons. Some people eventually learn, after a lot of frustration.
...............................
|
