A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been going out with my current boyfriend for 3 years now. We have had our ups and downs but for the last few months we have had a smooth patch. As we starting going out quite young (ish) the relationship has sometimes made me a little insecure and sometimes he has had his doubts and pushed me away. He is still growing up (he is 23 and I am 21) so sometimes things have been difficult and time has taken it's toll. We have had a lot of great times and still do but after a long time it has taken the shine off things that I wish was still there. He doesn't see any problems in the relationship and would be shocked if I suggested anything otherwise as I am a positive person on the whole. Anyways, around 6 months ago I started a new job. In all the time I have been with my boyfriend I have never looked at or considered another man ever I have never even had the thoughts. But when I started to work at this new place I was introduced to a guy that is just a year older than myself. To begin with I thought nothing of it but very quickly and progressively I have developed feelings for him out of my control. He is totally different to my boyfriend in so many ways so I was surprised by this myself. When I first started working there (before everyone knew that I had a boyfriend) this guy was very flirty and chatty to me and took a great interest in my life. He is single himself. Loads of colleagues made suggestions about us which made things awkward, until of course they found out I had a boyfriend. Ever since then there has been quite an awkward tension between me and the guy, especially when we are the only people in the office at a time. We still have conversations every day amidst other people but the tension is very high. Sometimes when we are alone one of us sparks conversation and it is the most crazy feeling like we are the only people in the world and when he looks at me in the eyes I feel things I have never felt before in my life. I know it sounds ridiculous, how can eyes be a sign of anything? but it is the strangest feeling in the world that when we look eachother in the eyes it's like I am filled with warmth and happiness and comfort but also terrified at the same time. It's like I feel like he can see my soul when I look him in the eye. Anyways, feelings have progressed on my part to the point now where I can't stop thinking about it. I feel absolutely awful and terrible because I really do love and care for my boyfriend but the element of attraction has somewhat diminished over time. It is the most awful situation. It's crazy as well because this guy at work might just not even find me attractive for all I know and it might just be in my head. Soon I am due to finish working there (end of contract) and I really don't know what to do. The thought of not seeing him every day is awful but I can't act on these feelings or I would mess everything up and everyone would hate me. What should I do? Please help.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (1 February 2016):
 Forget about this guy at work for the moment. You need to concentrate on your relationship for now. You say you love your boyfriend, but a relationship needs more than love.
If you feel that the relationship has been good for the last few months well great, as am sure everyone knows all relationships have their ups and downs. So you need to think hard if you want a future with your boyfriend at the minute. I am aware you are still very young, so now is the time to walk away if you don't see a future with him.
Now as for this guy at work. I think you have built him up more than he is. You want what you cannot have. Everyone hinted that you two would be good together before they knew you where in a relationship and that started putting ideas in your head. It might feel awkward now yes off course but that's because you know that you feel funny whenever you see him. You say your contract is up soon, you don't want to leave understandably. But believe me this will be a good thing because it won't take you long to get over this crush. However that doesn't mean you should stay with your boyfriend. You need to think long and hard about what you want.
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (30 January 2016):
 Some people have a stronger magnetism than others. It doesn't have to mean anything other than he has a strong presence, and he's not one to be standing on the side lines. The eye contact does not mean you are soulmates or that he will make you more secure and never push you away. It's a good thing that he will be moving on. Your obsession with him will fade in time. Having strong and confusing feelings does not mean you have to do something about them. You can accept that it's just part of being human to be in awe with the unusual.
It's not that everyone would hate you. Who's everyone by the way? Even if you want to act on those feelings, you have to break up with your boyfriend first. It clearly sounds like you are not because you still love him.
It is difficult when boyfriends pull away. Commitment fear and being a men are almost synonymous. You can't tell them to not be a man but only to understand how they are. You can only make sure that your boyfriend is committed to you and not going anywhere. Also decide how much pulling away you can accept. If it's more than weeks at a time then of course this is a deal breaker. His absence would just tempt you to start an affair, if not with that guy.
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