A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm 18, and just about to move away to university and have been going out with my boyfriend for just over a year now, he's 21. The thing is i'm very confused at the minute. I think i love my boyfriend - but i don't think i'm completely happy with him like he is me, because i think i could be bisexual. I know there is absolutely nothing wrong with homosexuals but i really really don't want to be. I admit i do have crushes on girls, and secretly would like to experiment with a girl - not just any girl though, i'd have to feel like really in love with them first. I don't watch lesbian porn because i just think its really seedy and dirty. Its driving me crazy. I haven't got any gay/lesbian/bisexual friends, and none of them would suspect me of feeling like this. Also i'm very girly and into fashion and i don't fancy the stereotypical lesbian.. the girls i have crushed on are very pretty, girly and fashionable - and i feel like i will never actually get a girl like that because none of them are gay, and i am too embarrassed to come out and tell people i am.My friends and family would be very shocked, and i really dont think they would be happy with it. My best friend has very strong negative feelings towards homosexuals and thinks its disgusting. Often leaving me stood awkwardly when she has a rant about them.And my poor boyfriend is in the middle of all this, because i feel im stringing him along and trying to make it work between us just so i can try and forget about my girl crushes. Sometimes he's all i think about and then other times i just don't think about him and all i can think about is the girl i have a crush on at the minute. He is absolutely gorgeous and the most nicest generous man i have ever met, my parents love him, and would be so angry if i hurt him. I seriously don't know what to do, i almost feel depressed.
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female
reader, unknown x +, writes (8 September 2009):
 There are plenty of girls who are bisexual or gay that do not fit the stereotype, and are girly and into fasion, me being one of them. I worried about the same thing when I came to the realisation that I was bi. You just have to wait for the right girl. You say you are soon to go to university, and I think this will open your eyes. You'll meet plenty of girls like this, and have the chance to experiment with the right girl, if you want to. How you really feel will probably shine through once you've met more people at uni. For the minute I wouldn't worry about labelling your feelings, but just see what happens in time. Hope this has helped, Rosie x
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2009): First, please relax and know that what you're going through is normal. At your age (and over the next 3 to 4 years) you're likely going to grow sexually. It's not uncommon that you'll have an urge to try some same sex experimentation and it does NOT mean that you're homosexual. If you find yourself falling in love with women (only) then it's possible. Same sex experimentation is not uncommon, and occasionally some women find that in their early 20's they may have an urge to be in a relationship with a woman. Often, this runs it's course and some of these women move between relatinships with men and women, and ultimatly turn up with men.As for what a woman that's gay, or is interested in same sex experimentation LOOK LIKE... there's no single look. The idea that Lesbians are all bull dikes, is not at all accurate. It cuts through society and has little to do with looks.Going to University is a good time to have this kind of experimentation. Sex can be just sex, and not a relationship- if that's what you want. Be careful, and you should not ZERO trouble finding a cute girl to play with.
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A
female
reader, LethalInjection-x +, writes (7 September 2009):
 It's hard to know what to suggest to be honest. How long have you felt like this? As although I hate to hear this myself, I know it can be true that there are such things as "gay phases". If it's only recently that these thoughts have been going through your mind.. I'd leave them for a while to see how things go, no use throwing something good away for something that could turn out to be nothing. I've said this as well due to the fact that feelings like this can be stirred up by other things. For example, it could be due to feeling too tied down while young.. being a little unhappy with your current relationship, or even because you're moving away soon.
You appear to be very.. stereotypical when it comes to homosexuality. Most of the lesbians and bisexual girls I know are very feminine and most definitely not the stereotypical gay women.
It shouldn't matter what other people think, but in this day and age it usually does unfortunately. It's understandable for you to be worried about other people's reactions.. but you should try not to think about this until you've figured out whether this is seriously a life change you're going to make.
You should talk to your boyfriend, tell him how confused you feel about the feelings you've been getting but make it clear it's not his fault. To be honest, it will be difficult to work out how you feel without actually acting on it, which would most likely cause a loss of your boyfriend. Which is why it's important that you think about it for a while first. You mention trying to make it work with your boyfriend.. if this is failing, whether you're straight, bi or gay this wouldn't be any different, so perhaps this is something else to consider.
Lastly, I personally don't think genders matter when it comes to relationships/love/sex, and you shouldn't feel bad about the feelings you're getting, most girls get them, and some of them turn out to be gay, some don't.
x
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