A
female
age
30-35,
*ebbieLovesYou
writes: just need opinions! Heres what its about. Well i have a boyfriend and ive been going out with him for ten months now, but the big problem is that he treats me like his little B**ch. See he sais its all because his ex girlfriend cheated on him that he was so in love with her and he was the best boyfriend with her like he didnt care about anything she did and then she cheated on him. And so he sais that he cant be like that with me because what if i do the same that she did. He gets mad for everything basically if nothing comes out the way he wants it he gets mad. He will get mad if i go out with friends, He doesnt let me wear what i want, he doesnt let me talk to guy friends. Like all that tipe of stuff, and so we fight basically everyday!. i love him with all my heart and actually this is my longest relationship. i know that he loves me, i know that for a fact. and hes sweet like a really good boyfriend when everything is his way. but it bothers me how i get to be treated like im nothing, i will never cheat on him, i love him so much that i wouldnt want to loose him, but i think i deserve to be treated much better. I just want some opinions of different people, tellin me what they think i should do.
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female
reader, secretalmost +, writes (10 September 2009):
The signs your boyfriend is showing are sigbs of a potentionally abusive boyfriend. You are your own person and then comes the relationship. Im sure he loves you & you love him. But what your dealing with is not good. Things progress and so do stages in people's persona. I advise you to break it off. You deserve much better. And if you ask me, he's still in love with his ex as well.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2009): JasonX is spot on! You've been with him for 10 months. I was with a guy for 3 years (just broke up recently) and I think we were at about the same point as you at the 10 month mark. He started out not being able to trust me because of what his ex had done as well. I loved him as well, and before him my longest relationship was only about 6 months. So I thought that in time he would trust me, because he'd see how much I loved him and that I only wanted him. It doesn't work that way! He starts out getting mad at everything, he'll continue that way and it will only get worse. My ex also got mad when I went out with my friends, didn't let me wear what I want (he would criticise my clothes in a way that made me feel like it was really important and I was really small) and yes, within the first year he'd stopped me talking to my guy friends. He does these things slowly, so you don't notice them happening and don't think it's that bad when you do notice something. But it is that bad. Oh, and my boyfriend was also very sweet to me - he would draw and paint things for me, send me sweet messages and we'd do a lot of fun things together. Of course it's not all bad, that's what makes it so so hard to leave. By the end of our second year together, we couldn't go anywhere in public together (that was just a phase that lasted a few months because he thought that any time I looked within about 90 degrees of a guy between the ages of 15 and 35, anywhere up to 100 metres away, he'd think I was checking him out and wanted to ditch him and throw myself at the stranger. This phase left me a complete wreck because I was powerless to make him feel better as I wasn't doing anything wrong!). He never believed I wasn't wanting other guys. If someone starts out not trusting you, anything you do (or don't do) can turn into a huge argument. Things like him not liking your clothes early on puts you down, makes you feel small and means he can control you. You even say he makes you feel like you're nothing. You don't deserve that! In our 3rd year together, I changed pills and got a few persistent pimples on one of my cheeks. Nobody else I knew even noticed them. But my boyfriend found them repulsive, and 3 weeks after they appeared he had gone from saying sweet things like "you are my life. I love you" to saying "you have no personal hygeine, it's disgusting! Why haven't you fixed them yet? I'm falling out of love with you". Over pimples no one else noticed, after 2 1/2 years together. Soon after that he was turning my face to the non-pimple side during sex. Talk about demoralising. And when a few months later the pimples cleared up, he wanted me to work hard to get him to fall back in love with me. That is not what love is. What your boyfriend is doing is the beginnings of emotional abuse. That, in time, often leads to violence (as it did when I tried to break up with my guy). I've only talked about very few examples of the methods he used to control me, because his jealousy and insecurity stopped him from treating me like I deserved. You can already see that you don't deserve what he's doing to you, and it will only get worse and harder to leave the longer you stay with him. You cannot change him, even if he wants to change (as my guy eventually did when he could see what it was doing to me. He truly did care for me but what he was doing was changing who I was, I had lost myself in trying to please him and be what he wanted. I think you know what to do, you just need us to confirm it. Be strong and get out now. Make the most of the support of your friends and family.
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (3 July 2009):
He doesn't trust you. And he's making you suffer because of what someone did to him in the past. Why should you have to pay for someone else's mistakes? He's obviously insecure and mistreating you because of his insecurities.
I would say first you need to have a talk with him and let him know that he needs to trust you unless you prove otherwise and that it's not fair to you to have to pay for others' mistakes. If he doesn't get it or try to make a change, then you'll need to end the relationship that way he can work on himself and you can work on getting your self esteem back, because you don't deserve to be treated like that. You're not a prisoner.
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A
male
reader, baddogbj  +, writes (3 July 2009):
 The fact that you are staying with him and putting up with it is simply going to confirm him in the opinion that treating you badly is the right strategy ...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2009): First of all, I think you've gotten the best opinion that anyone could give you, and that was from yourself, "I think I deserve to be treated much better".
He does not see that you are you...and you should not have to pay for his past relationship/ex. If he can not trust you then that is his problem, not yours... since you have never given him a reason to doubt you. You a not his pet, nor his bitch...you are you and you have a life to live for yourself , not just his. If he can not trust you even a little, that what is the point of being in a relationship? Not to mention you guys fight everyday...if he can't learn to even trust you then I see no hope in this relationship and only a future of abuse for you.
He has a problem with trusting...well ok but he should be a man (since he likes to act like one) and deal with his problem and not punish you for it. He doesn't need to act like a little kid. He knows what his problem is so tell him to deal with it else you are done. Else just leave him, I'm sure you can find any guy to treat you better.
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A
female
reader, softballgirl334 +, writes (3 July 2009):
 I know I am pretty young but I have had friends who have gone through this. If he doesn't let you do things like have a night with the girls insed of going out with him or talking (not flirting) with oter guys and doesn't let you wear clothes that u want to. Then you should have a long talk with him. i know it's hard to talk to a guy about that. I have a lot of guy friends and most of them are quite clueless. But you need to do it. He needs to relize what you feel. It is so important! But still after you have talked to him and he continues to treat you that way You should break up with him. If you break up with him and he trys to get you back don't fall for it. A lot of guys say they change but don't. Good Luck and No guy no matter how great of a guy they are.. Should ever treat you that way!
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