A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi,For the last few weeks I have had a suspicion that my girlfriend is cheating on me.It started about 3-4 weeks ago when she started chatting to men she had met on hotornot. she became really secretive about what she was talkng about online and then soon over the phone to one of them.Then the other week she asked if I would babysit our 2 year old boy while she went to a party her sister had been invited to. She even asked to borrow my tomtom so she could find the way.Anyway fast forward to now and she has started going out to her "sisters" more and more and I feel somethings up. She in an open moment was showing me the people she talked to and I noticed the one I'm worried about lives in the same town as the party. Checked my tomtom and the adress of the party is his!!I really don't know what to do as we had an argument last night where she was all defensive saying that if I don't trust her I should end it.Please help me Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2007): We had a good heart to heart over the phone last night as I work away.She assures me she isn't cheating and that this guy is just a friend, and I do believe her. She says that she feels like something is missing in our relationship and that despite all the arguments in the past and us both promising to change, that nothing has. She was honest and said that at the moment she didn't feel like we could sort things out but she is willing to try one last time.I need to get past my insecurities for a start but having been hurt in the past it's sometimes difficult to do but I will try.I think that over tha last year or so we've been stuck in a rut and don't have much time to ourselves but as parents of young kids know it isn't easy but I know we need to try.I think before I used to bury my head in the sand and think 'she's on one' let it blow over and return to normal but I really realise now what I've got to lose and I know I need to work hard to make her happy.
A
female
reader, Midge +, writes (10 July 2007):
 Sounds like it could be nothing, or could be something.
The next time she decides that she is going to her sisters, or going out, and you are not sure if she is telling the truth, you need to find out if she is. To do this, you need to make sure that a friend is on stand by that has a vehicle. Ensure that when your girlfriend is about to leave, your friend is ready to move fast. As soon as she leaves the house, put the baby in your friends car and follow her at a safe distance. (I know what I'm talking about because I was the friend with the car a few weeks ago for a friend of mine. Fortunately it worked out well for her)
Follow her to her destination. The baby at that point will be asleep (hopefully) and you can wait outside for a time whilst you check out what is going on. Baby and friend wait in the car for you.
The idea is there, but the basics are outlined.
If you find out she is cheating on you, at least you will know and can deal with the issue. If in fact she is just meeting some people she has met and its totally innocent, you can do one of two things. 1. Tell her what you did and that you are really sorry and that you wont mistrust her again, or 2. Deal with your insecurities and make it up to her by supporting her going out and having a little "me" time.
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A
female
reader, love-him +, writes (10 July 2007):
 Hey babe, it does seem that she could be cheating.. if she is still denying it, and you do still feel very strongly that she has cheated, you need to decide wether to forgive her or end the relationship, because relationships are based on trust and without that trust, they just dont work.. im so sorry that i had to put it like that, mail me if u want to talk x
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A
female
reader, EGGBERT  +, writes (10 July 2007):
Hi,
I am sorry to hear your having this problem and I understand completely. Next time she heads off to see her sisters and your gut says she is going elsewhere, tell her your going to come along for the ride. See if she gets all upset and decides not to go. That would be a clue for me. Also, why is she chatting to men online when she has you in her life. Could be she is telling you something without actually telling you anything. I would watch her behavior very closely. Watch out for a change in sexual behavior, meaning not wanting or wanting to try new things.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (10 July 2007):
 Sorry but I'm thinking she is cheating too. Did you tell her that you know she has been to his house? It really irks me when cheaters try to turn the tables on their partners. Of course you can't trust her because she wasn't upfront about what she was doing. For the sake of your son the two of you need to sit down and really talk about this. Does she plan to keep carrying on like this? Does she see a future for the relationship? Be prepared you may not like what you hear. Good luck Buddy, this shouldn't have happened.
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A
female
reader, His_Lilly +, writes (10 July 2007):
She's quite obviously cheating.
I think you should sit her down and tell her how you feel. Before she says anything about that crap of "not trusting her", tell her that you're fed up with it and it IS over.
Her reaction show tell you how she feels about it. If she doesn't seem bothered, she's been waiting for you to break up with her so she can hook up with this guy. If she IS bothered by it, tell her to pack her bags and go live with him.
He COULD just be a fling, but thats no excuse. It'll teach her that love isn't to be tampered with. Either way, you deserve much better and will be happier with someone else.
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