A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I think I am being bullied by my female boss, and I am not sure how to deal with it. I have never really gelled with her like I have with other colleagues, although we do get on to a degree.She insinuated today that I had misfiled some reports, although I would say that her communications skills aren't great and I may have misunderstood what she said, if, indeed I did mis-file them.Anyway, out of the goodness of my heart I offered to stay behind from work for a while to help look for them. A male colleague who I get on with better than her offered to give me a lift home. It seemed to me that the instant she could see we were getting on well, she started belittling me in front of him. He asked what we were doing, and she explained it all to him and then made a snide comment about 'well the process works around here when things are put back in the right place'. Am I right in saying that is blantant bullying and why is she doing it? I didn't know how to respond to it and just laughed it off, although I wish I had said something - I just didn't know what!She has done this before, particularly if there are people higher up the chain of command than her around. She will suddenly get very officious and start knocking the quality of my work, even though I believe it to be very good.I have been bullied before by my ex-best friend, ex boyfriend and Dad, all quite severely and wonder if I have 'victim' tattooed on my forehead!!!! Please help!! Why is she doing this and how can I resolve it?!?!
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female
reader, Midge +, writes (12 June 2007):
 Firstly, what she is doing is not right and any manager should do their utmost to ensure that that kind of behavious doesnt happen in an office environment. The fact that it is your boss that is doing this, means that she is in the wrong, and she needs to be knocked down a peg or two.
I have been in that situation before and can totally sympathise with you because it is a very awkward one to be in.
The first thing you should do, is arrange with her a meeting. You need to get your feelings out in the open in the confinements of an office. If it makes you feel better, get a work colleague to go with you for moral support. I'll be honest when I say this meeting may not work in your favour, however it is the first set in the "correct" chain of resolving this problem.
If this does not resolve the problem and she continues to do what she is doing, then you need to arrange a meeting with her superior.
In the meantime, you need to make a log of exactly what she is doing, who was there and what she said so that you have proof of this as her manager may say its all in your mind, which I doubt it is.
If in the even that that then doesnt resolve the problem, you really need to seek outside advise and as a last resort seek advise on a company tribunal. Your notes on what she says etc will then be taken into account.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2007): Hi love This a horrible situation for you, It sounds to me like you are very good at your job and she is just looking for bits to pick at.. Trying to make you look foolish infront of colleagues is just not right, If for instance she did have a problem then she should ask to have a chat with you in private.Are you very good at your job as this could be just down to being jealous on her part also if your attractive..Are you the kind of person who likes to do anything for anybody, kindhearted.It could be so many things and to be honest its pure bitchy ( boy dont i dislike that) You also say that you have had the same treatment from an ex friend ex boyfriend and your dad sweetheart you must of just about had enough no wonder this is getting you down. Would it be possible for you to go to someone much higher up in the chain of command and talk to them about the difficultys you are experiencing, I no this is somtimes hard as you really dont want this person to find out as it could make life harder, Thats why this in my eyes is bullying. A good self assertive class if you could find one in your area could help alot give you some idea how to react and cope with this, as from what you say you have had the stuffing knocked out of you on quite a few occations. Hun dont let people put you down inside you are probably stronger than all of them put together.. I do hope i helped a little and things get much much better soon for you lots of love and luck and take care xxx
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2007): There are some people who are not happy with themselves and so try to belittle those whom they consider to be having better lives.. I would personally just ignore them or not give them any importance...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2007): You're on the right track and let's face it, your bully boss is 100% insecure about herself and skills. What happens with women who have low-self esteem do the wrong thing, by criticizing other women in the same work place so "they can feel better about themselves." You handle her "rot-weiler behaviour well." In fact, don't even consider her your boss.. Don't be afraid to speak up. I am sure you have many special skills in the workforce that she dosn't have and you are a threat to her. Keep your head up high, for those such as this "witch" there is a reaction to her actions that follows.... that is the spiritual law, no doubt..when there is an action there is a reaction to her behavior. If she get's ugly, walk away or try this "Plug your ears with your hands." Place a set of "earplugs on your desk" and that will give her the hint. It worked for me....When I had a women boss who did the same thing, I finally said, "Talk to me later when you are more civil." I don't want to waste my time participating in your indecent rott-weiler behavior." Later....Good luck and keep your head up high.
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