A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:i have been with my boyfriend for over a year now. it is mostly an internet relationship because of the distance. though we plan on moving in together and getting married.i have alot of feelings floating up inside my head and i dont know how to talk to my boyfriend about it. i love him to death and i really dont want to leave him. i know he loves me too but there are things i cant get over. and i feel trapped because i dont know if i can get over these things. i hurt everyday because i cant stop thinking about it. i dont know how to stop. long time ago he watched porn. and it changed how i saw us. then i found out he once had a porn addiction. i started having problems with wanting to show him my body. everytime i did i just saw him getting off on other people and i felt ridiculous. ashamed even of my body. and that it could never measure up to what he has seen. and so often got off on. since then i caught it a few times.. during times he has watched movies and well clearly watched him masterbate to it. doesnt happen all the time but once in a blue moon. that i know of anyways. ive never said anything just tried to brush it off. but the pain i have felt over it. i dont know if i could get over this?ive had a long past of sexual abuse. and bfs who has done stuff like this to me. i feel this has brushed against old wounds. i was tramatized over stuff like this actually. and now im forced to deal with these feelings over the one i love more then anything. i hurt everyday. i feel so alone. and i feel the damage is greater then fixable. but i cant leave him? so im stuck here with all these feelings. i feel gross and disguisting. i know he loves me and the times hes masterbated wasnt because he isnt attracted to me. i also know he doesnt see it as cheating. but its lusting over someone else and getting off on it. weiter its physical or mental he brought a third person into us. something that should be special between us and us only. what makes me so different when he gets off so easily on others?i am just left here with all these feelings that i cant get over?and i hate myself because of it. i hate how i feel and i hate how i cant just walk away. i feel trapped inside my mind. and im driving myself crazy with thinking hes doing it all the time and i just dont know. like if i keep watching il find more?and its messing with my head. i look at him and i feel so distant. and i dont want to be but i cant get close to him.i cant because of how disguisting i feel. how i feel i dont measure up. how i feel completely gross inside. and it comes years of trama. and selfish boyfriends. and a slight brush against those wounds cos's years of pain. and deeply rooted problem. please help? i dont like how i feel inside and i dont know how to get rid of these feelings..
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female
reader, deba  +, writes (13 January 2011):
I bet you measure up just fine, I's your bf who has a problem. porn is addicting and not something most guys "get over". The women he's looking at on porn sites are not real. they either have had plastic surgery or have been photoshopped to the max. Also ask yourself "could he be accepted as a sex/life partner for any of them? Would they look and act that sexy toward him if they had to live with and clean up after him day after day? they're in it for the $$$. As a older wife who had a marriege totalled by porn, I say run while you still can. porn will distroy the intamincy of a marriage physically and emotionally. If your wondering now If you measure up how much more frustrated are you going to feel after marriage? you want a man who thinks your the only woman in the world for him. don't get locked in with anything less.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionyes i currently am in therapy for my childhood. just trying to figure out how to deal with my feelings so i dont ruin my current relationship if that makes any sense?
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (13 January 2011):
 Have you tried therapy? If you've got all these past years of trauma bottled up, maybe you should focus on that first?
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