A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Ok, so I've been with my boyfriend (6 months). Things are going good!!Anyways, we met online and still have our profiles up. In the beginning he had mentioned..'yeah, I should delete this profile that I hardly log into.' And as time went by I never mentioned it again nor did he. There is a way for me to see that he's logging on without me logging in.. I did it today and it shows 'online the last 30 days' The weird thing is that every other month or so I look at it and it says the same thing. So, does that mean every few weeks he's logged on?How can I approach him with this? Should I? I mean he's my boyfriend!! And we spend about 3-4 days a week together. It's not that I don't trust him but why does he make me have doubts like this??I really don't want to have to create an account or have a friend lie for me to catch him in a lying. What can I do?Thanks in advance.
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male
reader, GrimmReality +, writes (28 July 2009):
 Well it could also be one of two things. At some sites if you close your browser without logging off your page, it can stay logged in continuously.One way to verify it for the site in question is to look at the sign in screen. If there is a check box that allows you to stay logged in continuously. I just wanted to point that out. However, that seems a less than likely scenario due to the way we all use our computers.The only thing you may be able short of asking him(and of course asking him does give him the option of lying to you)is if you are near his computer to ask him to use it for some innocuous task and then have a little look at his browser history. For if it is his computer, he is unlikely to clear his history every day. Be careful though to make sure you "need" to use it when it is not turned on or in his hands. If you ask him if he is using the computer, he will say "yeah, hold on a second". and then clear his history and you will have to rely on his explanation.Once again I don't personally condone such drastic action (wink, wink), but listen to your gut, for it never lies. If something smells like crap, its because it is crap.
A
female
reader, masquerade711  +, writes (28 July 2009):
 Speaking as a person who's had quite a bit (perhaps too much) experience with online dating, one of two things could be happening here.
He very well could be lying to you, and still logging in once in awhile.
However, you said that you have a way of checking this without logging on. I was a member of a site like this once, and the search result for "online in last 30 days" wasn't actually accurate. It was just random profiles that were chosen by their server. My cousin and I tested this theory out and stayed offline for 40 days, did the same thing you did (checked without logging in) and my profile showed up as being online in the last 30 days.
I know that's a lengthy explanation, but I only mean it to explain that perhaps you shouldn't jump to a conclusion just yet. Maybe sit him down and say something like, "I'm going to ask you a question and this would be your chance to answer me truthfully without fear that I'll flip out on you." Chances are he'll take that chance and come clean, rather than risk being found out later.
masq
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A
female
reader, Helples +, writes (28 July 2009):
 Honesty is the best way. I think I would go about it by being the first to bring it up, to see if he lies to you. Ask him, "Out of curiosity... Have you checked out the so and so website these passed few weeks? I wonder if it has changed." If he mentions it to you, you could continue to ask him questions but if he lies to you, you should be honest with him and ask him why he would lie to you.
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