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female
,
anonymous
writes: I have a question about jealousy...I am worried that my boyfriend is still in love with one of his ex-girlfriends.She was married with kids, (she had an affair with him) and I saw in his phone that he called her a few weeks ago while I was on vacation. I also read one of his e-mails to her (he left it open!) and it was extremely nostalgic and loving. She lives in Boston, so I'm not afraid he will cheat on me with her, or anyone else, but I am constantly afraid that he is still in love with her, though he says he loves me. I fear that when I am not with him that he is talking to her. Should I confront him about this? If so, how? Otherwise, how do I get over my fears?
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female
reader, jezibelinhell +, writes (16 July 2006):
 People snoop into their partners emails, cell phones, etc...all the time. They even make software that does the job for you, so there must be a market for it. I could say the politically correct thing and tell you how naughty you've been for being a snooper, but I like to keep things real. Snooping is a form of self-preservation and I don't care what anyone thinks...there's NOTHING wrong with having your own back! Unfortunately, snooping sometime yields results we're not happy with, and you have to prepared do deal with what you may discover. Confront him...immediately. And yes, those calls and emails warrant some real questions. For starters...why did he wait until you were on vacation to contact his ex? Listen to your gut, it's usually correct. Good luck!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2006): Obviously, this matter will not go away on its own. The longer you stay clammed up about how you feel, the worse your resentment will become. The issue at hand needs to be addressed. Tell your boyfriend that you happened upon the email he left open and ask him how he feels about his relationship with her and his relationship with you. It is important, though, that you do not appear to be probing into his private life, or pointing your finger at him. If you're too accusatory or nosey, he'll only become defensive, and you won't get the answers you seek. Be patient and understanding. There's no harm in being nostalgic, but if it is putting a strain on your current relationship, then you need to come to a decision about his contact with her. I wish you the best of luck. I hope things work out for the best for you. Peace and love!
~RJGirl
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