A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my partner for 3 years, when wee meet he loved to party, joke and had a great sex life, he is in his late 40s never married or had kids but always worked hard and still does. So that was his life. I'm in my early 30s loved the young fun side to him. Then I introduced him to my kid and I'd say for a man who had never had kids of his own took to the role of step dad really well, he's been good to her too. I know it's only 3 years but I use the term step dad to reinforce the good job he has always done with her. However in the past 8months things have started to change, he no longer has a interest in drinking,or going to parties, someone made a joke about me sexually not even serious or offensive but he is offended by it saying he doesn't want me seen that way? Shouldn't he see me that way? Or even feel flattered that they do and just laugh it off? I try and flirt with him and it goes down like a lead balloon he doesn't show any interest back and tells me things like you're more than that ? Then wee haven't even slept together in 3 months! Which he tells me is because of his work and stress.I have tired speaking to him about all this and he tells me he has tried to change so much for me? I never asked him to change ? I fell for him! Now sexual jokes are offensive, parties are a no go and it seems sex has gone out the window too. Yet he wants to be a family man and look after me which he does in a lot of other ways but gets offended when someone see's me as women and not just a Wee housewife so to speak. I am honestly thinking he's going off me and this has now ran it's course. Why wouldn't he see me as women or sexually anymore. It is ripping at my confidence now.
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (25 September 2023):
 I agree with the nonny who said:" Um, it kind of sounds to me like he decided he wanted to become an adult?"
Yes, he sounds like he has stepped up to the plate with you and your daughter as a father figure.
Not wanting to party or have people tell dirty jokes about you seems pretty reasonable.
He doesn't see you as a PIECE of meat, he sees you as his partner. Pretty respectful if you ask me.
"gets offended when someone see's me as women and not just a Wee housewife so to speak." He sees you as more than a "wee housewife", but not as a SEXUAL OBJECT. Doesn't mean he doesn't find you attractive or sexy, but he knows there is more to you than your vagina.
As for the lack of sex, that is a downside for sure. And something you two need to figure out.
TALK to him like an ADULT. He is a good deal older than you and definitely mature enough to have a conversation about sex.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2023): Um, it kind of sounds to me like he decided he wanted to become an adult?
Everything you describe (apart from the lack of sex) sounds reasonable to me.
I have a relative in their 40s who still goes out partying and slamming drinks etc and honestly it's cringe-worthy. Especially as she to, has a young child.
Sounds to me like he just wants to settle down.
That said, it's all bothering you, not just the lack of sex so you need go have it out with him. 8 months is a long time to be unhappy in silence.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2023): I don't understand your question.
First of all, what is it that you want?
Do you want a partner or a stepdad for your kid, or something casual?
What you say about him partying and drinking? If that was also you, at your age and a kid, you sound a bit childish.
Not to mention asking for attention from other men, just to boost your confidence.
Maybe that's the thing he find off putting all of a sudden. If you used your appeal and sex to get attention, inclding his, maybe it's time to think how you're acting before you start judging his behavior.
He's older than you and maybe he feels insecure and doesn't want to be a fool. And yes, he may have started having some issues with his libido at that age.
You need to talk liek adults.
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