A
female
age
36-40,
*elbelle2430
writes:I met the man of my dreams 6 months ago. We have been inseperable since our very first date. I spent two years single before meeting him, one year by choice, the second because I didn't met anybody. And then he came into my life. We clicked on every level, mentally, emotionally, physically. He is intelligent, handsome, fun, giving, successful, everything I want. Our friends got along, our families loved us, we were great. He is an amazing man and always supported all my decisions, and was always there for me. We were known by everybody about how happy we were and how much we loved each other. About two months ago we started having problems when he went out drinking and got too drunk. At first it was funny but then it got really annoying, such as being so drunk he didn't even know what bar he was at. After 4 weekends in a row of this happening, he finally decided to stop drinking altogether.We always spent every single night together, it's just the way it happened through both of our choosing. Then all of a sudden he started asking for more space because it was alot especially with his job. I always gave it to him but I was hesitant. I was insecure in a way because it was a change from what we normally did. I was still frustrated with him about the drinking incidents, and we were starting to have little fights. On my birthday last week I saw a text that he sent his boy saying that things were on the rocks with us and he was about to get his "single body ready". That hurt, especially coming from a man who has always treated me with such respect and love. He cried after I found out, told me how much he loves me and it was just a joke to lighten the mood. I forgave him. His issue with me is that he wanted more space, so the next night I told him I thought we should stay seperate, which he replied that now he wanted at least two nights. Between that and the text I was lost. So I stayed quiet but I was hurt. Late the next night I told him that I want to be with somebody who can stay with me more often and not put a limit on it. It was hard to change a routine that I enjoyed so much, but I was trying. The next day he came over and told me he wasn't sure that he wanted to work on our relationship anymore. But after talking he said he would try. This is on Wednesday. After he left he texted me a couple times throughout the night but they were very short, not like the open, sweet man he usually is with me. The very next day he asks me to come over! I was so confused bc I thought he wanted space, but I went over. He barely talked or even looked at me. I tried cuddling with him while we watched a movie and then we did have sex, but I initiated it. I was just trying to get close. After we cuddled but I could tell he was holding back. In the morning he woke up, kissed me and said he loved me, then went to work. Halfway through the day he messaged me on Facebook and said he couldn't do it anymore. In his past he has always left girls all of a sudden so he promised me if he ever had doubts he would talk to me first, but then gave me 24 hours! He finally texted me on Sunday to say that he had thought about it but decided he was done. At first it was bc he said I was selfish that I didn't think about him and the time he needed, and that I didn't know what I wanted out of life. Then it was that I didn't deserve to be with someone who had to figure out what they wanted out of life and relationships. And finally it was that he knows what he wants, but that there was something missing with me so he has to go find it. I think that he is just scared bc this is his first serious relationship and we did fall in love and get serious pretty quick. But how could he just throw away all of those amazing memories and promises we made each other? He told my friends and family that I was the one! As soon as things got hard he ran. But I feel like I pushed him away. What if I was more understanding and just gave him the space without thinking about it? Why doesn't he love me enough to work through our problems? How could he just give up?
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female
reader, Intrigued3000  +, writes (7 March 2013):
 It was not your fault. Do not blame yourself. You are experiencing Step 2 (Pain and Guilt) in the 7 stages of Grief process.
Let him go peacefully and with love, knowing that you loved him with all your heart. He was just not ready to take the love that you had to a deeper level. He left as soon as the work required to keep a relationship set in. You were willing to put in the work. He was not. His loss. You sound like a caring person and he would have been lucky to have you.
Take the time to grieve, treat yourself well, reconnect with your friends and in time you will accept it for what it was. It was not a bad experience. You had a great time with him didn't you? He really lost out on something good. Someone else will come into your life who will recognize a good thing and will be willing to work for it. The best is yet to come.
A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (7 March 2013):
 Look, you were only together 6 months and after 4 months you had problems - it should not be that hard!
After 6 months it still should be the honeymoon period, things should be fun and easy, there should not be any problems that early on. If there are problems early on, it is a clear indicator that you are not right for each other and it isnt working.
When a relationship is 100% right, it shouldnt be difficult to make it work, the first year should float by easily without any issues. If that doesnt happen, then it wasnt right and you should just let it go.
I could critique everything you have mentioned in this post, but I dont think it would help give you any clarity on what happened. It will just be easier for you to accept that you were not right for each other, it was a short relationship and it simply didnt work out.
After 6 months you cannot be that attached to someone and it will be fairly easy for you to get over, this wasnt a long term thing so write it off as a bad experience and move on. Just keep thinking about this - if you really were the 'one' to him, then he would have fought for you. He clearly go in over his head, rushed into it then realised there were certain things missing and backtracked. He said a lot of things to you too soon without really meaning them, hence why it was so easy for him to let you go.
Move on, and next time dont rush into a relationship so quickly, take it slower and dont be going into the "I love you" and "You're the one" business so early.
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