A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:so i've got a very basic question. i'm in a stable, committed relationship with my girlfriend. we've been together about four months now, and were casual for a while, taking it slow at first. but now we are exclusive and i don't even want to look at another girl like that.my question is this. i met my girlfriend at work when she first started working with me a handful of months back, but right before i met her, i was on a dating site and i began talking to this other girl i met on there. this other girl and i hit it off and talked frequently for a couple weeks but hadn't actually had the time to meet yet. well then i met my current girlfriend and we instantly hit it off and started seeing each other. so naturally, i told the girl i'd met online that i had met someone else for the sake of honesty. she was bummed but wanted to remain friends. she's started seeing another girl in this span of time, as well.so now to my question. this girl from the internet and i still speak occasionally if we're both on facebook at the same time, etc. it's usually pretty light convo, how have you been? etc. well today she informed me that she got hired at a job right next to my work place (which somewhat makes me uncomfortable in itself) and she wants to meet up for the first time for lunch this friday after she gets off work and before i go in to work. thing is, her and i have never met before as i said. AND we met on a dating website. she says her girl is totally okay with it. but i am all about respect and i don't really know how to approach this situation. while i DO think her and i would be potentially really good friends and JUST friends, i don't know how thrilled i would be if the roles were reversed and my girl was meeting and hanging out with some chick for the first time that she met on a dating site.so what do i do? do i just tell this girl we can't be friends? or is it okay for us to be friends? how do i handle this in the most fair, respectful way? my girl comes first and foremost, but i'm not sure what is and isn't fair. thanks in advance.
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female
reader, TwanasKarma +, writes (7 March 2013):
 It's great that you're addressing this issue here and I'm sure input given will assist you with your dilema, but the more appropriate manner to deal with your dilemma is to address it directly with your partner and with the other woman.Ongoing honest and open communication with your partner and others prevents future misunderstandings and unnecessarily failed relationships and friendships. Direct honest communications with others is always best, right? Do the right thing for a change, otherwise you might lose both, forever that is. Just because you keep a truth quiet, doesn't mean it's not deceit. TwanasKarma.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (7 March 2013):
 I don't see a problem being friends..
What does your girlfriend say? have you asked her how she feels?
I know I always tell my husband when I'm meeting a friend male or female... I had lunch with my ex husband last week... I told my current husband about it before it happened and he was fine with it. I also told my ex I would NOT have lunch with him unless his current wife approved....
Maybe the better thing would be to double date as couples, then everyone meets at the same time and is friends on the same level....
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2013): Handle it the way you would expect your girlfriend to handle it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2013): As long as your girlfriend is aware and you are not hiding anything from her, as long as the on-line girl is aware and you are not hiding anything from her....why not all of you go together and meet up? There is nothing wrong with having a new friend and actually meeting someone you've been corresponding with for so long... as long as it's all on the up and up.
I would not suggest meeting up with the girl alone, only for the sake of your current girlfriend. Your girlfriend is your priority and she should come first. Now, if she is not interested in going and wants you to go yourself, don't do it...it will backfire. Almost a guarantee.
If the conversation has run it's course and you really don't have any interest in meeting this person anymore, then respectfully decline. The world will still turn and life will still go on ;-)
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