A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Dear CupidI've had an unusual experience recently.I haven't felt attraction for anyone since 2011 and ever since that point I have been to strongly dictated by my head that I can't find love yet or meet anyone until I've healed myself, built self worth, ect, ect, you know how it is when you feel that you have to live up to your highest standards to become your best self until you attract that in your life.Well I was a little concerned recently that I haven't managed to feel attraction for anyone in so long since making some sort of subconscious pact.I was walking to my local shops last Friday evening to get some poorly medicine when I saw a neighbor walking and I said hi as I've recently started to try and reconnect to life after a long period of time.My neighbor said hello back and then to my surprise he turned back around and mentioned about getting some drinks from the shops and on about walking with me.He asked me what I was doing that night and if I wanted to chill round his and have a drink.I told him no as I was poorly but some other night would be good- I don't get to socialize that much.When we were walking back home we were taking about icecream and then a few hours later he came to my door with the icecream from his house that we had been taking about.I wasn't going to invite him in but thought why not since he brought the icecream round.I noticed quickly that he used the world girlfriend under some context.He also mentioned it again but then said only joking.One thing he said also when I was talking is I'm just like his mother, and that her and I could talk for afire about the same things.Oh yeah, just remembered that part, he said at the start that I am his sort of girl.I can't remember what else but was said, but he said he felt bad for me after things I'd said in conversation and said he would mow my lawn, get my wallpapered ect. He was basically volentering his help to me in a way that translated in a taking care way.His actions were unusual and it's mad how the universe brought this out of the blue when I'm making efforts to be in touch with my feminine energy.He did say he wanted to kiss me and then to further it down. I told him no. He came round on the Saturday and apologized for making a pass so I told him it's ok- I kind of expect most men to want sexual contact with a woman.He mentioned about my house and garden again, basically offering his support. He asked if he could come round later and I thought he meant at night time but to my surprise he came round at 3pm in the afternoon.I was busy so asked for him to come back at 9pm.He told me he wouldn't try it on again and he didn't make any overt passes but he mentioned about his mum, saying that I was just like her, and used a metaphor that I was the daughter she wishes she could have if she didn't have a son.She didn't actually say it but he was making a comparison.He said a few things that indicated that he wanted to spend more time with me, and he also said that he wants to be serious with someone and pointed his hands towards me, involentry.He said he wasn't going to try it on again and I think that was an indirect message that if I wanted anything to happen then it would be up to me to make a move.He said at the end of the night he would only wait for so long- he was on about sex.Ok, so here's the thing, I do feel attraction for him but he could never be a life partner as he doesn't drink water. That means that he doesn't value health to the extent that I do. It also means that we wouldn't be compatible for the long run because a relationship can only last with a person of complementary lifestyles and values and that's the end of that- Just to make my point clear.What I don't understand is why a man would ask for sex but then mention about girlfriend and wanting to be serious with someone.I have studied men's behavior for 7 years and I don't get it!Does he think by telling me something 'I want to hear' will get him laid because I can't understand why someone would use that talk when they don't know a person.Why would a man be so keen to indicate wanting a woman in their life if it was more than just sex.I think he might want a girlfriend from his action's, but was trying to get sex also. Either way none of the two are going to happen due to my high standards and personal reasoning. It was just an unusual situation to be placed in.Do men make their decisions quick about a woman and are quick to get a girlfriend or do they use it as a way of trying to get sex on a regular basic.
View related questions:
get a girlfriend, period Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the two people who wrote back with productive answers.I laughed so much to the lady who wrote I can't be serious about the water. Not drinking water is the equivalent of not doing health. It would be the same analogy as saying to a religious person, " I don't believe in God". My highest values are of health.However, I will re-think about weather taking someone seriously because they don't drink water :). My standards are high enough so I'm not won over for nothing.Thankyou to the man who wrote the helpful answer. I value hearing a mans thoughts back. The part about dropping hint makes a'lot of sense but I will think nothing more into it other than that. I build trust in my own time.To the third answer, "hur hur hur, drop the speil". How is that in any shape or form helpful? No, it isn't at all.If you said to a woman, "I must have sex to be in a relationship" and she told you, "drop the speil", what would you think? Would you think she's not compatible and that there couldn't be a long term future for you both since you don't share similar values?Maybe your standards are not too high so you can't understand my point.Also you've given an answer without a reason so it doesn't stand for much in comparison to the first man who wrote.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2014): It sounds like he's after sex so I wouldn't think you need to start getting all high and mighty and saying "oh we can't be together because you don't drink water and that's one of the things I look for most in a man, hur hur hur" so leave out the spiel because he has only got one thing on his mind.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2014): You wouldn't consider dating him because he doesn't drink water? You can't be serious. Anyway, take things slow and see where it goes. He just might surprise you. Take your time and get to know him. That may be his agenda as well since he's making his interest known to you.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2014): For the heterosexual adult male; when it comes to women, decisions about sex are immediate.
The decision to commit, is very slow.
Beware anything that seems too good to be true. Just be open-minded. Build and attach your feelings over a span of time. Don't let loneliness prevail over common-sense.
Make sure he's not just sweet-talking you into sex. He is giving you clues that he has romantic-interest in you; but don't get carried away.
You can get to thinking too far ahead; trying to anticipate where he's going. Best take it slow, so you and he arrive at the same conclusions. Everything is "maybe" until they are put in precise words.
My advice to men and women who want to date, after being out of circulation, for whatever reason.
Take time to get to know and evaluate a romantic-interest.
Develop feelings slowly, to make sure you are on the same page.
Sex is eminent; but it should be delayed for a few dates, just to see if a person's heart is in sync with their intentions. If you're horny, that may not matter. If you want something meaningful? Take your time.
Don't depend on what you speculate. Listen to what is "said!" Don't be afraid to ask for clarification, or an explanation. This is where communication is crucial. If you want to know, ASK HIM! Are you interested in dating?
Not "are you looking for a girlfriend?" The answer will be "yes, now lets have sex."
If things are always mixed signals and indirect. You're being manipulated, and someone may be playing around with your feelings. That's why humans have the ability to talk and communicate. We can ask questions and get precise answers. We can analyze data, and solve problems.
Sometimes when sex comes too soon; many women are likely to attach feelings, when men don't. Then this site is flooded with dozens of posts under practically the same topic. Mainly by people too anxious, or thinking too far ahead. Instead of living in the present. Many expressing regret or frustration. I welcome the questions; I hope they listen to the answers.
Stop thinking in terms of "girlfriend;" and think as a potential "date" and/or "romantic interest." More likely
a sex-partner; if you allow him a short-cut.
A courtship has to occur leading up to becoming a girlfriend. Commitment usually requires mutual attraction,
and a desire to be exclusive. A bit soon for all that. Don't you think?
If you keep things in proper-perspective; you'll pay more attention, and you're more likely to interpret signals as they are intended. You shouldn't have to read between the lines, if his intentions are clear.
Things will develop the way they should. You won't read too much into things said in "code." He's dropping hints. That doesn't mean anything. He has to man-up; and express his intentions. Then you can agree or disagree to date him.
Not have to write to an advice column to figure him out.
One thing is for certain. He wants to have sex with you.
He just might want you for a girlfriend. Whether you want him for a boyfriend, and he is boyfriend material; has yet to be determined!
...............................
|
