A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:How do you help ease the anxiety of a man who's afraid?For the background story see here: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/should-i-move-back-to-be-with-my.htmlSo a month and a half ago, I told this guy Steve that I had feelings for him.Steve said he didn't see me like that, and he has a girlfriend. This came as a surprise, because we see each other 6h/day pretty much every day (through volunteer work), and he never once mentioned one. He hasn't mentioned one since, either. The more I investigate, the more convinced I am that he doesn't have one at all.Through tons of evidence and knowing this guy well for 4 years I've come to the conclusion that he's completely terrified of what might be happening between us. Despite this, he calls me all the time to get me along to things (when there's negative sexual vibes, the instinct is to end contact, certainly not to initiate it).I know the ball's in his court now, but I'm wondering if there's anything concrete I can do to make him feel safer around me and more able to move forward at whatever pace he needs to?
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks everyone
Right, so,
Miamine, I'm working on the divorce atm, but it's still in it's early stages, and yes this certainly has something to do with it. This is exactly why I suspect that he does have feelings for me he wouldn't act on...
Thing is he does run hot and cold... whenever he talks ABOUT me (not TO me), he gets excited, smiles and jumps about (this is based on what my friends tell me as well as what I saw myself twice when he was talking about me and I was in earshot). They also say he's depressed when I'm away although admittedly he doesn't make any real attempt to stay in touch, bar the occasional "hey, when are you back?"
I dunno, it's not as simple as it looks here despite what he's come out and said. His expressions say something completely different...
Probably I should just finalize my divorce and get on with living, and leave the ball in his court...
A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (27 April 2011):
 "I know the ball's in his court now, but I'm wondering if there's anything concrete I can do to make him feel safer around me and more able to move forward at whatever pace he needs to?"
I read your original post http://www.dearcupid.org/question/should-i-move-back-to-be-with-my.html
Get a divorce and Steve might be able to think about you more seriously. Men with good morals will probably not touch a married woman. Even though your case is slightly different, it still may make him feel uncomfortable.
However, I'm not sure. He has already told you he's not interested. He may or may not have a girlfriend, but he's not actually killing himself to keep you. He's not really showing the actions of a man in love, instead he sounds like a friend who is trying to tell you not get your hopes up because he doesn't feel the way you do.
Your not in love with Thomas, so get rid of him. Then you'll be free to choose a man who you can really love. I wouldn't waste time with Steve, if he wants you, then he should chase you, you've already told him how you feel. To tell the truth, I really do think he has a girlfriend.
Sorry.
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