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female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: I need to know his feelings about me. This man and I have developed a really strong friendship. In fact, I would say he is probably my very best friend. We met by circumstance last year and immediately, I felt this strange cosmic connection like he was my soulmate. When he told me he lives with his gf, I changed my course of action and decided that I could be friends with him. We both told others that we were attracted to eachother from the start, but with the gf situation, I maintained what I could have from him friendship. I just didn't realize how close we would become. I was dating someone for a few months and I realized my "friend" became a little jealous. He would say things like "He will never get you, I am your soulmate." Since, this man moved back to England and my guy friend has been there for me as a friend would be. He calls about everyday and we talk for hours about everything. He has been out of town for the last week with his gf and he still has called several times when alone-- of course as a friend would do. I have known him for a year, but have never met his gf and honestly, I don't know if she knows anything about me. From what he says, there isn't anything wrong in their relationship, but he does say he has no plans to marry her. We have this strange thing between us. Even yesterday when I was at a movie, I turned to my friend and said, "Wow, that is like me and ______ he is gonna land up with the wrong woman". Just then I looked at my phone and had a missed call. It was him. We always seem to think of each other at the very same moments. When it comes to me with someone else, he offers advice as a friend would, but always seems to say something about how he doesn't want to see me get hurt--or that person isn't right for me because that person won't "get" me like him. I know I can't even give myself emotionally in a relationship because I already have an emotional relationship with him. I am not young or naive. I think I love him and I feel we are supposed to be together. What am I supposed to do? I don't want to tell him this and then risk our friendship because I need him in my life. Do I just continue to wait and see? or should I just remove myself from his life and let him continue with the life he had before he met me. I know if he lands up marrying her it will devastate me because I am not a fool-- I sense his feelings for me as well.
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female
reader, Miss_confused87  +, writes (30 July 2011):
Hi,
I suggest that you don't wait for this guy, if it was going to be then it would have happened by now. The only person who will get hurt is you. If your feelings are that strong that you can't just be friends then walk away. It's the hardest thing in the world - he will always be the 'what if' guy but the heart ache is not worth it.
I'm speaking from experience - we let our friendship turn into something more and when I pushed for more, he chose his wife. I know feel like I've lost one of my closest friends. Everytime something exciting happens in my life or I hear a joke he would like, I wanna tell him....but we crossed that line of friendship/relationshi and he is gone. It's hard but just take each day at a time. You will get over him and find someone single and less complicated. X
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2011): You have an emotional relationship with him - and he's having an emotional affair with you! Unless he breaks up with his girlfriend, it can never be any more than that. I don't doubt that his feelings towards you are genuine but the whole situation is rather unfair on you, and of course his girlfriend, though chances are you're right and she knows nothing about it.
I don't think that friendship alone will be enough for either of you for much longer. If he doesn't leave his girlfriend but the two of you continue to grow closer, I fear that someone will end up getting terribly hurt in due course. If I were in your position I'd take a chance and let him know how I felt even if it meant risking the friendship, because I'd rather not have someone in my life at all than keep hanging on, longing every day for he who could never completely be mine. That's only me though :) I honestly think in a situation like this, *you're* the one who knows the right answer deep down. You sound like a person very much in touch with her intuition - what's your gut telling you to do?
For what it's worth, I do believe in soulmates, and if I met someone with whom I felt such a connection I'd more regret *not* saying anything than telling the truth. Whatever you do decide, I hope it works out well for all concerned. Don't be afraid to follow your heart though... sometimes, it really does know best. Good luck and take care x
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