| A
age
36-40,
*
writes: I have started dating a new guy. We have not had intercourse yet. Dating for a few months but have done plenty of other stuff. I’m late 20s and he is in late 30s. When we first started fooling around I noticed he wasn’t really getting a full erection, very soft. I also think he couldn’t tell if he was hard as I could feel him reach around to feel himself so to speak. First time I gave him oral he was really soft but ultimately gained an erection and ejaculated. I have since performed oral maybe a dozen times and it’s usually the same except once when he could not get hard. Before he ejaculates he is usually pretty erect. But I feel I can’t take my time because when I do it softens up. This is literally my first relationship where the guy hasn’t made the move to intercourse and I am obviously left wondering if he has a form of Erectile dysfunction. I don’t want to bring it up because I don’t want to embarrass him and make him feel uncomfortable. I really am okay with whatever his issue is I’m just not sure what it is. Do I give it more time and let it play out. Is it psychological or physical? Any advice or input greatly appreciated!
View related questions:
ejaculate, erection Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2017): You've only recently started dating. It's too soon to be questioning his manhood or comparing him to other guys you've been with.
If there is one thing that bothers women more than anything, it is comparing her to some other woman a man has been with. So don't compare him to other guys; he's different. All men are not the same. Are women?
If you're more sexually-aggressive than he's used to; then his mind is busy, and he's not focused. He's having a little performance-anxiety. Maybe even judging you, as you're judging him?
Erectile-dysfunction cannot be fully concluded; until you are told that is the problem. You might "guess" incorrectly. Some guys have a lower sex-drive, or just take longer to reach full arousal. Some guys are really self-conscious about his size with a new partner. Diabetes will also cause difficulty in reaching or maintaining an erection. Side-effects from pain-killers or allergy medications also may cause difficulty getting fully-erect. I think in time he will explain without being asked.
If he had real ED, he wouldn't get hard at all. If he is a single-guy, but doesn't get much action, he may masturbate a lot. That will decrease sensitivity. Especially if he masturbates to porn to compensate for the lack of real-sex.
I always caution people in jumping to conclusions. It's too soon to ask questions about his manhood. You're both still getting to know each other; and I would even suspect he's just a little shy.
A
male
reader, Denizen  +, writes (1 November 2017):
 It might just be nerves as you are still quite new together. If it persists then you might tactfully approach the subject with him and decide on a course of action. This might include his visiting a doctor.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2017): There could be many reasons for his ED. It could be that he is still attached to a previous love which he is unable to forget. This is quite common when someone loses a spouse to death for example. Or he is simply not into you much. Sorry to say this but it could be a possibility. Or his ED can be physical due to an illness. Anyway talk to him and ask him if there is something wrong. I bet deep down he is screaming for help.
...............................
|
