A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm in love with my partner , we've been together for a year and a half, we've been through so much, specially at the beginning. The truth is, even though I thought I knew him ( we were friends for years before falling in love ) the fact is I did not. I rarely had seen him with girls and the only two times I did see him with a girl I forgot about that when we first made love, I only knew how loved he made me feel. Now, I despise him because that very first time before getting down to it I asked him if he had checked himself and he said he was totally clean of stds.Six months into the relationship , I'm pregnant and He had left his mail open in my cellphone and I get his Std screen only for 3 stds which says Positive for genital herpes. I wanted to confront him but I just instead told him I had heard rumors that the girl who was with him before has herpes. He got all defensive, almost mad that I'm talking about him and herpes, that he's totally clear, that he got all the exams negative a million times. I wanted to leave him but I was too weak, too in love. He was mad at me that's why I know how he is a nasty liar. Then one day he got drunk and I got the truth out of him. Or maybe the truth. That he "never" had any symptoms. I wanted to know if he knows who was the girl who gave him the herpes but he doesn't know and I Feel resentfull because he can't even tell me a number of girls who he slept with ! And now I know 35 names of girls who have had sex with him including a lot of girls who used to be my Friends and it makes me sick, and also they are not my friends anymore since they know I'm with him.I thought I knew him but now, in my eyes that same boy who I thought had the sane values as me (what I look for in a man) is a slut. I hate promiscuity I saved myself for the special guy and all I get is stds and I resent him because he didn't care that I told him that contracting herpes while pregnant puts the babys life at risk. He asked me for forgiveness and I did, for my child. He was born healthy.Now the months have gone by and stuff of his sexual past have come to the surface and I'm hurt again. I fight it off, it's just the past.For ten months all my exams come back negative and doctors say I don't have it but I've been struggling with severe itchiness and swelling and pain, it difficults my day and taking care of my baby. I can't think, because it itches so hard and I can't go out.In desperation because I couldn't stop scratching and it was getting like a nightmare I just put lemon juice in my vagina. It hurt like hell and then it relieved the symptoms and I felt better, i started doing it everytime I got the symptoms, and it suddenly went away the only thing is that I have bumps on the inside ): and they don't go away.Doctors say that it is all mental, that I'm stressed out. Six doctors.I feel so nasty, like I could never let a new person into my life because I don't want them to get this awful curse.Yesterday he didn't put the condom and didn't tell me and now I'm getting all the symptoms again and I just hate him so much.He lied to me, he disrespected me, put my health at riskAnd yet he was trying to make me feel bad for him telling me the only girls he had unprotected intercourse where his two ex girlfriends who he "loved" thats why he did not protect himself and they cheated. And he is sure one of them was the infected one. But he's been with some really promiscous girls And says he used protection. Now I see a video of him begging a girl he never told me about to go condom-less and she says No! I don't like it when you cum inside me and he is just begging her because it's all the way better without. It was like a slap in the face for me because it means he always would try to get them to not use a condom and now I'm f*cking scared of Hpv.I f*cking hate him now , and I messed up because I got drunk on friday night that I went to work at an event and when He found me I was crying and saying all kinds of stuff I didn't mean and I think I can't handle how much I resent him anymore. I just need some advice on what to do, he says he can't let me go and it's really hard for me but I can't be with him because I feel so sick after we make love , I know I'm doing damage to my body, I used to be healthy but not anymore and I feel that he is not right for me but my love for him keeps me with him. Please don't tell me that I need my family and friends because my mom just doesn't want to hear about this anymore and she's the only person I have , and it's a very delicate problem. My therapist told me to keep all this to myself and it doesn't seem to be working. I need some advice am I over - reacting? Can we live with the herpes? I have a wish and that is that the doctors are right and that I don't have it but the symptoms make me almost sure that I have it , and the exams. Say negative but the doc told me to wait four months for the next and I'm crossing my fingers but , do you think I'm better off leaving him since I just feel there's too much that I can't handle in this relationship. Please help me and I'll be so thankfull to you baby.
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condom, drunk, ex girlfriend, herpes, liar, my ex, sexual past, std, vagina Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (2 November 2017):
 No I think you should end things with him. You don't have anything nice to say about him, you don't trust him and you have very different beliefs to him. He has lied to you, he has risked your health and well I don't think you will both work out long term.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (2 November 2017):
 I think you are in pain, and it'd because of this man. His past is NOT in the past, as he has herpes. And he lied about it to you, which again brings up how this is not in the past, this is him right here and now. This is the present. He puts your health at risk, the baby's health at risk, he lied to you about many things and he's not the man you thought he was. That's not your fault, how were you to know. You trusted him, as we all do when we're in love. You need to trust your partner. The fault lies with him because he betrayed your trust.
So what to do? Honestly, I think you would be much more at peace and calm if you leave him. If you don't want to leave him, at least take a break from being intimate with him until you get your test results back in 4 months and until you feel better and not itching. If he doesn't respect this, then you need to leave him.
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A
female
reader, 02DuszJ  +, writes (2 November 2017):
 Yeah like femmenoir said, be drastic here and don't dilly dally being indecisive- don't FORGET that he put YOUR health at risk and how many others? Begging for no condom sex swayed it for me- really says bad stuff about his character
When you feel indecisive remember these things
Good luck :)
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A
female
reader, femmenoir  +, writes (2 November 2017):
 You sound totally confused and this comes across loud and clear by what you write.
One minute you love this guy, the next you hate him or even worse despise him.
You must make a concrete and accurate decision based upon what your plans are and when you do, stick by them, because the more you're indecisive, the harder it is always going to be for you.
What this guy has done to you, by way of lying is absolutely disgraceful and i would encourage you to stop tolerating his wicked behaviour, not to mention his very sleazy and easy past.
He has lied to you to such a degree and he may have given you sexually transmitted diseases and has had you worried out of your mind.
You've caught him out a number of times and all the while, things appear to be getting worse for you both.
He can't let you go, but you must do what's right and what's best for you!
When he slept around, he was doing what he thought was right for him and he didn't care what anybody else thought or what sexually transmitted diseases he may be spreading around.
You need to place yourself, your health and your sanity and that of your child's needs first and foremost.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2017): 02duszj, thank you so much for your advice , I really needed other person's view at this. I'll be planning my way out of this . Blessings!
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A
female
reader, 02DuszJ +, writes (1 November 2017):
You can't be with someone you have so much disgust and resentment for- that will destroy you. You also have such a strong difference in values- so that's probably going to come between you.. I would be constantly worried about him sleeping around.
I mean 35 that you KNOW of- what about the multitude you DON'T know about?
For me the fact he DID put your health at risk would be a deal breaker. That's just NOT stuff you lie about.
And begging girls for no-condom sex when he's not even sure what exotic cocktail of diseases he has says A LOT about his character.
I'm sorry that you found out that the true colours of someone you love/loved.. it must be a blow but I think you're lucky to not be so besotted that you can't see the horror of some of his actions, like some women..
As for your STD, if that many doctors say you're clear, it may well be psychological- kindof like phantom pain. Just check again in a few months
For me just eughh.. it doesn't sound like this is stuff you're going to be able to forget about, you said it yourself
Things are not the same as they was and I don't think there's any way to go back, now he's revealed his murky character. I would get out- and MAKE SURE you get the paternity financial support you're legally entitled to, even if you have to go through courts
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