A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:How do I break the ice? To make the summary short: b/f had a rough patch three months ago, I over-reacted to my needs instead of thinking about his, he was very hurt and broke up with me but in the end he was more hurtful to me than I to him. I am over it and I realized that everyone makes mistakes and have forgiven him and am okay with whatever will happen. I'm even dating someone new! But I feel that what happened was very rash and haste and at some point, I would like to sit down with him on friendly terms and discuss it in a calm manner and see if we both agree with the decision. The thing is, he lives a couple of hours away so I need something to break the ice.. I was thinking of sending him a handwritten note to say that in hindisight his decision was correct but I hope that sometime in the near future we can get together in a platonic manner. Is that cheesy? I think that handwritten notes are a lost art and I'd love to get one in the mail, instead of a text message or email.. but I dont know if this is the right thing to do. NOTE: My decision to contact him is set in stone, if I don't this will bother me forever. I just want to know the most non-direct way to break the ice.. Thanks!
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionEveryone - thanks for your responses and support. I'll do it and hopefully, he'll appreciate the gesture as well.
The point is not to get back together. The point is to facilitate a dialog to understand what went wrong and create a possibility of getting back together sometime in the future. Obviously I can't say that b/c approaching people directly esp on somethign as sensitive as this makes them often close off, so this is meant to be as a very indirect approach that he might or might not appreciate.
A
male
reader, daletom +, writes (12 August 2008):
This is perhaps the most noble, gracious and respectful thing I've heard in a long time. Assuming, of course, that you are sincere, it speaks volumes about your integrity.
The worst he can do is ignore you - perhaps out of his own lack of integrity, or perhaps due to embarrassment over your obvious maturity. Unless it comes across as something like a third-grader's "my mother made me write this" apology, there is NO way it can be used against you!
(And I agree with you about written letters. My wife and I wrote to each other - real letters, sometimes a "thinking of you" card - for over three months before we even met. We were nearly in-love without ever seeing each other. Last week was 35 years since we met; next week is our 34th wedding anniversary.)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2008): Definitely do this - much more personal and I would be so flattered if someone bothered to do that for me. Its lovely to receive a letter in the post.
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A
female
reader, superrrshawna +, writes (12 August 2008):
 go for it. why not? and i love getting letters in the mail, too. words mean so much more when the person's hand actually wrote them out somehow. you might want to specify that you are seeing someone else so he doesn't mistake your interest. good luck!
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