| A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes: I think about leaving my husband every day. I think, I'm so confused.I don't know if I'm right to feel how I feel. He stopped being affectionate with me sexually years ago.Yet he is not sick, but does not want sex. He also does not make me feel sexy,or loved. Now I'm not selfish,or someone who gives up easy.I tryed so many things, But in my mid 40-s I feel I can't go on like this for an other 20 or more. Yet ,I have no hope right now it wil get better, and I tried everything on my own ,I can...He won't say ever that he is not going to stay with me, yet Ifeel ,he might if I don't make this step soon. Sex is not the only thing, he was a good provider, and ok father. I would never say ,he is bad. But can't show love, and I ,miss it so much... Yet I'm so scared to leave. What if I get it worst....It is so hard to live in this limbo.What should I do to make a choice faster ,and right. What do you think? Thanks Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2009): Thanks, lots' of very good advice.It seems most of you thinks,I should probably not waste my time,and just go and risk something new.I think you are right, what makes it very difficult ,that he is not saying ,that he does not love me...And this is somehow keeping me in ''prison''.I know,it is just weakness from my part, because it won't change how he is with me... It is 24 years together...YOu always feel,its like an investment. But I agree, without taking a risk, I will never know,what would happen,if I don't give a chance, good or bad.Sometimes I think,yes it might turn to be way worst, but than how would I know, what would it look like if I stay in this unhappy stage and he will dump me sooner or later, leave me even more powerless... If you can tell,anything else,what makes me feel more clear,I would really like that. Thanks.
A
female
reader, Lina319  +, writes (4 May 2009):
 You are absolutely in the right to feel the way you do. We are all human, and sometimes our emotions get the best of us, in your situation, with reason! If my husband stopped being affectionate with me years ago, I wouldn't be so positive either.I agree with brit429, you have to communicate your dissatisfaction to your husband. Don't hesitate, and don't think about the outcome. One thing, one issue at a time. Talking about this issue might shed some light on where you two stand. I doubt your husband doesn't feel the tension. He is well aware of it, and probably just as scared to confront you about it. If you are thinking of leaving, dont feel guilty, you have every right in the world to, but don't let this be the final answer. If you love your husband, and i'm sure you do, then talk to him. You mentioned that you dont give up easily and you have tried many things to deal with this problem, talking i am sure has been done. But sometimes the way we speak and the tone we use can make all the difference. Now I dont want to tell you to do something rash, but if I were you, honestly, if I had this talk with my husband I would be as affectionate, respectful as possible but still express how I feel, even if it means I will wind up hurting his feelings... which means including everything, from the thoughts of feeling unwanted, to considering divorce if it doesnt change, or marriage counseling. Maybe if he hears that dreadful word that no married couple wants to hear, he might just start to make changes or express why he has lost interest. Good Luck, I hope all works out for you, if thru all your hard work you come out defeated, an ending always opens a beginning, take advantage of it.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2009): he is getting some somewhere else hon, sorry leave him before you get a disease
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2009): Open up those lines of communication, and let him know how you are feeling. Tell him what you long for and need! Be honest about wanting to end the relationship. He may have become so comfortable with you that he doesn't realize what you are missing so much!
Life is one risk after another! If we don't take risks we will never know what we have missed!
No one can tell you what you should or shouldn't do. Only you can decide what is best for you.
The ending of a relationship is never easy. But it can also be the start of a whole new life.
Good Luck and Best Wishes!
...............................
|
