A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I think a guy in my workplace is following me around when I'm on lunch... Now I don't think it's anything sinister but I'm finding it annoying. It all started after some post from his department came to mine by accident so i bought it down for him and since then he's always said hello and stopped for a chat when he sees me- which is fine. However everytime I'm In the canteen he will come in too and sit down next to me and just chat which is ok but then he started getting flirty. I'd be making a drink and he would start splashing me with water or pinching my arm whenever he passed me. He then hinted he wanted my mobile phone number and I ignored the comment and when he insisted again saying he could text me if I'm ever bored I said I rarely get bored as I'm busy etc.., He knows I'm engaged and he is married and in his 60's and I'm in my 20's so I do think it's creepy. Now I started going on lunch at different times hoping to avoid him but no matter what time I go he is sure to follow - this has happened every day for the past 4 months. On a couple of occasions he's been sat there already so when I sit elsewhere he leaves his mates and comes sit with me. There's no way he would know when I take my lunch as I usually decide 5 minutes before and then tell my manager and she doesn't discuss lunches with anyone and no one in my department knows this guy to tell him. So based on this I'm assuming he follows me! Once I went to sit in my car to eat (our offices are on an industrial state so you can't really drive anywhere at lunch time) and he came up to my car asking what I was doing!!! I said I had to make a few phone calls and needed privacy which would be possible sat in the canteen. He chatted a bit and then left. We aren't allowed to eat at our desk so I can't stay in the office and it's not always possible to have lunch 1 of my colleagues either. I don't want to make a big deal about it to anyone as he hasn't done anything inappropriate but I'm worried he might. A couple of women who work with me tease me about him saying he seems to be always around me- so they have noticed too- I'm not imaging it! Thanks.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2011): I was having a problem with a stalker at work too. Only he never attempted to talk to me. He would only follow me around the cafeteria and then past the elevators. It got really obvious. One day my coworker told me that he followed her onto the elevator and boom....he was on our floor all the time. He has no business on our floor. He works for another company and has no need to be here. I figured if he is trying to find out where I work, he will probably try to find out where I live!I told security about him, had 2 witnesses...my coworker and the cashier in the cafeteria make statements as well. Document everything and have others do the same!!! HR reprimanded him on Tuesday and as of Friday, I only ran into him once getting on/off the elevator. I hope it stops but I don't want to piss this guy off. People who stalk you may have psychological problems so trying to be respectful of him but stand your ground is a good idea. You definitely need to report it!! And be careful...you never know how he may react.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2011): I posted this but my code isn't working so I'm replying via this way. Thankyou for all your responses but I do feel I need to defend myself with regards to grymlocke666. I NEVER used the word STALKER in my post as it's a bit harsh to use and I would only use it if he was following me out of work.Now you said you read my post but if you had read it properly you would see i'm not married- I'm engaged and that ge doesn't work in the same department as me- he works downstairs therefore when I go to lunch the canteen is on my floor so I have to just walk across a hall. Unless he is psychic or can see through floors he wouldn't ever see me leave for lunch. I could understand your point if he worked in my office and saw me leave my desk and then caught up with me but this isn't the case.You also seem to be implying that I actually encourage him but all I'm doing is being polite and talking to him- if he has interpreted my politness flirting then I can't be blamed. He probably is lonley- I agree with you there and as I stated I have no problem with chatting but he does the flirting and asked for my number and his touching. Now if I gave him my number then you could accuse me of "dangling meat" but I didn't.The reason I haven't told him to stop following me is because I don't want to embaress him and create an awkward atmosphere when I go on lunch. He would probably deny it anyway saying it's coincidence so what is the point??? Hopefully he will get bored and move on to someone else.
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A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (15 May 2011):
 I totally agree with you that he is creepy. He may even have asked another male to keep an eye on you and phone him as soon as you leave for lunch.
Potentially this is not a good situation. Invite one of the girls to join you for lunch several days in a row.
Is he a higher level manager or a guy some crucial role? You do not want to harm your career.
He is just being creepy at the moment. But he would only need half a hint of encouragement to cross the line.
Get hold of a poster on Sexual Harassment and then ask HR if it would be OK to put it up on the Notice Board? That is not as far as revealing that there is a problem, but it out to alert a professional HR person that a problem may be brewing.
The couple of women teasing you are Seriously Out Of Line. Any form of harassment at work is Not OK. The women should be supporting you, not teasing you.
He may have done this before. His inane behavior may be known.
Next time he comes near your car don't even open the window. Just indicate that you are busy and then ignore him. If he persists just syart the car and drive it to a different part of the carpark without another glance at him.
Don't ever work back late unless another female works back late with you and leaves at the same time.
Complain to HR as soon as you feel too uncomfortable.
This is a very difficult, potentially bad situation for you.
Do you have a confidential Employee Assistance Program in place at work, in case you need (paid for by employer - but your name should not be divulged to employer) counselling that you could access, to discuss this?
If you still cannot fix it and you do not want to mount a sexual harassment claim, then you may have to find another job. Which is Not OK, but you need to be safe at work.
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A
male
reader, spinnaker +, writes (15 May 2011):
 If this behavior is bothering you tell him so and tell him to stop. If it keeps up after that tell him that you will interpret this as harassment and go to the boss. If it still doesn't stop, go to your manager and inform the manager of what is going on and how it makes you feel (and don't forget to use the word "harassment"). It usually stops at this point...and the manager does need to seek you out and inform you of what steps were taken and if that brings satisfaction. If it goes to the boss, document the conversation (as the boss is likely to do as well) if it doesn't stop at this point you can file harassment charges against the company. Even though this thing takes place during lunch, the company can still be liable. Also ask these women if they would be willing to help you if you go to the manager about this. I hope this helps and keep us updated.
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