A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I find it really hard to talk to people that I know are older than me. It's not like just not knowing what to say, its more than that.I get red, hot and sweat buckets. I can never make eye contact. It only ever really happnes with people I know are older than me, people in the year above at school, espcially older boys. I don't know why. I just get really anxious and worried. It's okay if they are older but in my year, or I don't know how old they are. It's just people in the year above at my school. It's so embarrasing, I feel like it's pulling my freindships away, you know?Alot of my freinds are friends with people in the year above and I find it really difficult to be with them.Help! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2010): This is verrrryyy common so don't beat yourself up about it. I think that you may have some anxiety problems. You have to assure yourself that you have nothing to fear and try to look at the persons lips when you are talking to them. You can glance every few seconds up to their eyes but you do not need to lock glances and hold it. Slowly build up eye contact until you feel safe and comfortable. I think the suggestion to imagine them in their underwear is great as you can be less serious about the whole thing. The aim is to get to a point where you can converse with people and not even think about eye contact. It will just come naturally. Good luck xx
A
female
reader, Midge +, writes (28 April 2010):
 Sounds to me like you have an inferiority complex. Its actually more common than you think! People who have an inferiority complex have all those symptoms. They are fine with people who they feel are their equal, but anyone who they consider above them, they freak!
The worst part is that people that dont know much about it think that telling you to relax and calm down will solve the problem, but its more than that. You need something to take your mind off the fact that, yes they are older, yes they have more experience than you, but, you are equal. Remember experience and age isnt everything!!!
Something someone told me to do when I was younger. Before you just walk up to them, look at them, think of them in their underwear. Think of the boys wearing boxers and a womans nightdress, something silly, but something really funny. It doesnt always work, but its worth a try! I used to think of the boys wearing high heels, a womans knickers and bra. It used to make me laugh and to start with, I couldnt actually keep a straight face when talking to them, but eventually you learn to think of it without laughing. If they ask you why you are laughing, just tell them that you just heard a funny joke, or something daft like that. They are normally fine with that!
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A
female
reader, ladyjaye +, writes (28 April 2010):
 its all about confidence... a lot of people feel intimidated by people that are older than themselves... just be yourself! try to join in the conversation by responding to what your friends say and smile be approachable they will probably speak to you first... take an interst follow your friends lead until you are comfortable to talk to them first... and tell your friends how you feel im sure they will understand... dont be afraid this will pass soon you will be comfortable jus relax!!! hope that helps you! gud luck!
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