A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been dating a guy for awhile now. The relationship started off kind of rocky, as he was an alcoholic. We fought about this for a long time, but he promised that after his birthday he would stop drinking. I didn't completely believe him, but I just went with it. I was out of town due to a family issue and he was out of town to see his family for his birthday. I came home the next day and he had called me on my way to tell me that his birthday was terrible. He had gotten VERY drunk on his birthday, and he told me the things he could remember (like somebody knocking on his door in the morning to make sure he was still alive..).I felt terrible for him, and so after work I was going to go see him. I didn't want to go without calling first. So I called. He didn't answer.After a few hours I called again, and he still didn't answer. A couple hours later I was very worried so I called, no answer, and went over to his place to check on him. Luckily the door was unlocked and I was able to get in right away. However I walked in to find not a dead boyfriend, but him having sex with one of my coworkers (he was still VERY drunk).I was very upset to say the least. He had apologized over and over, but I didn't know what to do. I gave it a few days of him begging and apologizing, and asking me to take him back. I wanted to believe him - that he really loves me more than anything. In fact, he was very open and honest with me when I talked about it with him. He even told me about another girl that he had cheated with when he was drunk and I was out of town.After I considered his seemingly genuine words and the fact that he told me about this, I took him back - under the conditions that it wouldn't happen again and he'd stop drinking.It has been 5 months since this whole ordeal happened, and he hasn't had a single drink. I'm very proud, and things have been going very well - until the past 2 weeks. Lately, I'm beginning to wonder if he's cheating on me again. He still tells me that he loves me, but he's always gettting messages from this girl that works at his favorite coffee shop near where he works. She texts him all the time, and I've seen her name come up on his phone multiple times.When I ask about it casually, he becomes very defensive, which is probably natural, but I'm starting to worry. He cheated on me before and we were together practically every day and night, except when we were at work. This hasn't changed.Last night, (this is bad and I know it, but I am making my self sick with worry) I decided to sneak to his phone and see what they were talking about. To my surprise, her name and all of their messages had been deleted from his phone... However I did see a phone call that he had made at 11:05 pm to a number from the town where the girl lives.Does this mean he is at it again? I really love him, and if it's nothing, I don't want to ruin our relationship, but I am so worried. I don't want to be cheated on again. I told him that if he ever thinks about cheating, to just break it off with me and be mature. Right now, I don't know what's going on. I think it's suspicious that he would just delete their conversations and then call her. What do you all think?Should I break up with him? Should I wait and see if I walk in on him having sex with another girl? I am a mess and just don't know what to do. Any advice would be very helpful.
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alcoholic, at work, cheated on me, co-worker, drunk, sex with another, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (28 May 2011):
 It seems like he is always addicted to some underground activity. If you stopped his drinking and cheating then he would find something else to fuel his addiction. He is getting something out of texting the girl. Even if nothing happens between them you can't control what goes on in his mind. You never mentioned anything good about the relationship so the only good is that he doesn't repeat the same mistake again. Which is not good enough. Very few people would agree to his actions but if what he does makes him happy then you have to let him be, set him free and find a new guy that suits your needs.
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