A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi,Everything started one year ago. This guy and I got extremely close and I honestly thought he felt the same as I did. We slept together during all this time but he started to be more and more distant. It was clear for every one that he didn't had feelings for me but I was blind. Once I opened my eyes I started to think that time apart would be the solution. But I was weak and I never stick seriously on it.He didn't act as a friend either, at least on my eyes but I do not know if my friendship expectations were mixed with my romantic feelings. But reality is that he is never there when something happens, never asks and never shares.Last week we went out and we drunk way too much, we slept together and I blew everything out of proportion. I was very mean and I told him: for me you are my f*ck buddy, nothing more. He said that he does not want me to contact him anymore, that I am crazy and he needs to think if this is appealing to him.I deeply regret but there is no point in apologizing. We do not need more drama. But I miss my friend and I know he will never contact me again.I do not know if there is something I could do. I do not want to be clingy but I really regret. I was just hurt and sad and disappointed. I didn't feel he values me as an important person in his life and I spent one year being perfect and I could not take it anymore. Maybe he thinks I didn't have any right to feel this way but it is not only my fault.Thanks for reading this. I feel like an idiot.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2011): At the risk of being a jerk, I don't see how this whole thing is anyone else's fault but yours. It's not your partner's fault that you asked for a FWB and then expected something else after a while. Some people will argue that a guy in a FWB must expect feelings from the woman sooner or later. I don't agree. That's not the agreement. If the agreement is going to be "there will be no expectations for a while but later on I will develop feelings" then a lot fewer men would agree to the FWB in the first place.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2011): It's not your fault. I think it's impossible not to have some kind of feelings after all that time. Yes, the way you told him wasn't exactly appropriate but it happened.
You say you know he will never contact you again but he might after the dust has settled. Don't be too hard on yourself. It's probably a good thing that your FWB thing ended, even if it ended badly, because you obviously have feelings for this guy but they weren't being returned and that's an extremely painful thing.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (28 May 2011):
 You can not control the feelings and actions of other people, and neither can other people control you. You may have the magical thinking that because you remain cool and distant and therefore a guy should start chasing you and caring about you. Well, there is a theory to that but it doesn't mean every guy would respond well to this formula. You shouldn't feel hurt because he doesn't value you. When you value yourself it won't matter if 10 guys value you or no one values you.
I know self love is what everybody needs to work on but if he doesn't have the sensitivity to realize why you are hurt then he is not the right one for you. Maybe now he realizes you fell for him. He might be thinking you should have told him earlier so the hurt won't drag so long. At that moment you were very emotional but right now he probably feels bad that it had to end that way.
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