A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:my partner had an affair a year and a half ago.He acts like it was nothing..i have had serious trouble 'getting-over it'. Thing is i am convinced he is at it again...no particlar reason other than 2 main signs that were there the last time and i never realised..HE is extra attentive ..wants sex more...and is taking better care of apearance!am i cracking up?
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female
reader, LauraE  +, writes (18 July 2007):
Hi,
Unfortunately, if the same signs are there again, then you are probably right. Most of us are a lot more predictable than we realize, so our partners can spot changes a mile away. I don’t find it at all surprising that you found it hard to get over the previous affair. “treating it like nothing” is not the way to win back trust from your partner. He didn’t have a right to forgiveness and trust, he had to earn it back – this is the pay back for hurting someone. It suggests that he thinks “little affairs” are the norm and that you shouldn’t be making a fuss about it. The only way for you to be sure is to confront him of course. If you know him well, you will know if he is lying to you.
A
male
reader, NuVu  +, writes (17 July 2007):
I don't see how relationships like this can healthily survive. He might be cheating or he might not, but the real problem is that you don't trust him anymore. Trust is a fundamental building block of any relationship and without it a relationship is always going to fail or be in constant turmoil.
If you don't think you can trust him, you need to walk away it.
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A
female
reader, butterfly12  +, writes (17 July 2007):
Confront him. If you have the feeling that he is not telling you the truth, maybe you have to do some investigations.
If what you think is right, that he is cheating, just DUMP him. You deserved better than that. Get a MAN, not a jerk! Good luck!
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A
female
reader, YummyMummy +, writes (17 July 2007):
 Confront him and ask or you will only drive yourself mad. Our instincts are normally pretty right and you must believe strongly he's up to no good again. If he's acting how he did the last time then I would definetly try and find out the truth.
xxxxxxx
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (17 July 2007):
Did you give him an ultimatum last time you found out he was cheating? he must have promised not to do it again to make you forgive him?...and did things improve for you both?...Have these sudden signs happened very quickly and recently?...if so I agree with flower girl, go with your gut. If your wrong, I am sure he owes you some forgiveness after what he did the first time.
Save yourself Hunny.
Good Luck
Aunty Em x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2007): Hi darling
No your not cracking up, the trust has been broken and you cant get that back overnight or even ever...
Can you talk with him I wouldnt have thought he would be honest anyway as it happened before...But you dont say as a couple how you got through this only that he acts as if its nothing... My question would be why are you still there apart from you love him, he obviously has no respect for you... My love are you not worth more than to be lied to cheated on and left feeling alone and not knowing if this is happening again... I WOULD SAY YES VERY MUCH MORE....
YOU TAKE CARE LOTS OF LOVE AND PRAYERS MANDY XXXXXXXXXX
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A
female
reader, flower girl +, writes (17 July 2007):
 I would say you have to go with your gut instinct on this one.
If these are the signs you got last time then i suppose it could be a possibility.
Take care.xx.
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