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female
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anonymous
writes: I have been married for 11 years, but have been with my husband approx 15 yrs. He has cheated on me (twice that I know of), and yes I forgave him....well, I stayed with him. We have 3 children and they are the main reason I have stayed as long as I have. Once again he has proven that cannot be trusted. I found some texts messages on his cellphone that I cannot stop thinking about. Things like, "I was thinking about you all night", "miss you", "good luck w/ your new job". She even calls him baby. This is driving me insane. I have put up w/ a lot and can pretend that all is wonderful. I want to find some really "hard truth", before confronting him. However, in saying that, I'm not sure if I really want to know, as I would have to make a decision as to whether I am ready to give up my marriage. I love him so much and this would devastate my children. I have not told anyone, as always, I have learned very well to keep things to myself. My stomach hurts and I'm having headaches daily. When I see him, I want to hit him. he is not a very affectionate person, however the past 4 days he has been really loveable with me and told me last night that he loved me "out of the blue". I think he knows that I may know "something" or he is feeling guilty. Need adice!
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female
reader, crazymarriage  +, writes (2 October 2010):
I am sorry you are going thru this. I am going thru the exact same thing except my husband deletes all his text messages and phone calls. Even his behavior has change and the things he does. When you figure out your anwser please let me know. He has went as far as asking to take me to Vegas to go to a Brothel. Which I think is he way of having a threesome or actually going thru the sex part without me being able to do something about it. I feel your pain.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2009): I understand your anguish in not knowing or being able to prove this. I wish I had some sound advice for you but, I do not simply because I am going through the same thing with my live-in boyfriend. We have both been under a lot of pressure in our separate lives but his behavior toward me has changed drastically to the point I am now ready to be with someone else just to receive affection. He knew I was affectionate when we met and he said he was the same but now I think he lied. Affection just does not leave you. We hardly spend any time together anymore and there is no passion between us. No kissing, hugging, hand-holding, cuddling, and NO sex. He has no sex drive for me anymore. His daughter is coming to live with us soon and I really think he is keeping me around just because he knows I would be a great mom for her. But, he does not touch me anymore. We have not had sex in 5 weeks or more and I have been sleeping on the sofa out of hurt. I am hurting terribly and he does not seem to care at all. I am the type of woman who NEEDS affection and passionate sex and we have not had that in a while. My worst fear is that he is seeing someone else and does not care. There are many signs but, like you, I cannot yet prove it. I want to believe he is innocent but, I have learned through experience that when there is no sex at home, he is getting it somewhere else. ALL men have a sex drive at some point. His seems to be non-existent. There is no way that he could lay next to me and not want to be with me unless there is someone else. I am very frustrated and ready to leave...
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2008): I dont know if your hurting the same as I. Ive been married for 12 years..... Im only 29nyrs old , hes 34. we have 3 children ,11,10,9 back to back. we both have graet careers and I know hes cheating. Our family has the same cell phone plan. he has been going way over his minutes so I called my phone company and found out that he has been talking to a lady he works with every single night (in the middle of the night after1:ooam for 100-200 minutes)come to find out he WORKS WITH HER! so the name programed in his phone is WORK. I made him leave our home, our son is in tears, and all he can say for himself is she is just his friend. I cant beleive this is happening....... we have worked so hard to raise 3 young children at the same time. now they're older...........we have finally saved enough money to spend 3 weeks in Cabo San LUcas in July....with no kids. do i go..do i forgive him...its killing me because without him my family is gone.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2008): u need not to get down with this Guy.don't give him much weight.maintain diffrence i hopw god will help you.you can be in touch on [email address blocked] also
god bless u
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2008): First of all, I'm sorry about all this. I would confront him about the text messages. He is diffidently up to no good. In my experience I have learned that once a man gets away with cheating on you, he WILL do it again, because he can. You deserve so much better.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2007): It's not really my husband, it's my dad, i just found out he's been cheatign on mym mum for 3 months, and well i want tit to stop and that poison to leave my dad and just leave my family ot how we were. my dad does not know that i know, so could you please advise me on what i should do, so that he stops seeign the other woman. thank u
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2007): hi! dear,
i think u need to take some time off him.. get independent .. really stop bothering about get a good job or a good hobby to keep u busy.. as far as kids are concerned i knw they re near ones but now let him play role of urs n u play his.. note tht number.. n call tht female n thank him to take this jerk husband off ur head n start enjoyin.. dnt spoil your health on somethin which is not worth hvin your love.. start lovin your self... and enjoyin... ant it will help u.. go for a walk n make friends go out whn he is home,,,,,
get a grip girl n move on
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A
female
reader, firma2000 +, writes (13 June 2007):
i am 27 year old i been with my boyfriend for 5 years he make me feel okay the only thing that make me feel that he my be cheating on me is because he stay out for 2 or 3 days out of the house for sample he work monday to friday i see him on friday morning before he go to work and i don't see him again until sunday night and that the reason that make me feel that he my have somebody else and than he stay out for days and don't call me for nothing not to check on me and i am 5 month pregnant what can i do?. he always telling me to stop saying that he he cheating on me. please i need someone to tell what can i do.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2007): I can dfinitely relate to what you are going through. I was recently blindsided with the news that my husband may the father of another woman's unborn child. The young lady is only 17 and I was nice to even let her stay not even suspecting myh husband woudl stoop so low. He braggedt to one of my friends and the news hit my earwaves. I feel exactly like you I want to know but then I don't. Just try and get as much concrete evidence as you can because I know it hard to keep pretending but everything have a way of coming out.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2005): You yourself must make a decision that will affect you for the rest of you life, remember if he has cheated once he will do it again... and you only get one chance at life and you can not depend on someone else to make you happy. You must love yourself in order to be loved, we are all worthy of the best quality of life. You need to ask yourself if you are getting the "BEST" by staying in a marrriage like this!!! Coming from a divoced family myself, I just wished that my parents would have serperated sooner so that we did not have to hear that fighting and listening to there unhappiness.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2005): I don't know what your financial situation is, but I was in the same boat. He cheated on me 11 years ago, I forgave him but continued he got the girl pregnant AGAIN, I filed for divorce! If I were you, I'll do the same, he'll never change. The kids will understand.
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female
reader, mainoku +, writes (26 October 2005):
Am touched by your story, having forgiven him for 2 counts maybe he is now taking you for granted he believe you can still forgive which is not wrong if your heart tells you so but what you have to consider most is you married for yourself and your happiness is equally important dont sacrifice youself for anything else
Get a I dont mean something dirty but anything clean attend parties, go out with firrends have fun have a drink treat yourself to lunch even alone and let him know you are enjoying yourself , with not being ther he will feel jealousy and start to be with you more and more and that way you will build the affection again take caution though because if not properly taken this might create more time for him and the girlfriend.
If u decide to forgive him again dont make it look desparate or dont act as if you have no option and dont show him that its so easy to forgive and get over it .Dont do any thing that will make him feel like a little god he will do more mistakes expecting to be (worshiped)forgiven
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2005): It must be hell for you right now, but pushing it aside will not help. Think about yourself for a change start doing things to make yourself stronger, like treating yourself, go out with your friends, even if you dont feel like it. I have been in your position, and believe fight fire with fire works. You may get your life in order and will show him your not sitting waiting for him. Then it will be your decision about the future and not HIS. Dont give up on yourself, you can do it. please believe that. good luck x
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reader, I Dont Lie +, writes (29 September 2005):
 Cheated twice on you and is probably on his third streak. Hmm, not a very clean record I would have to say. He is ever so lucky to have someone like yourself to be by his side, to forgive him of his cheating on you this many times..there are many out there who wouldve walked out on him a long time ago. Right, what Im about to tell you will not be pretty but it will be good on yourself. I honestly doubt that your husband will ever change, unless you hit him with the hard facts. You have to show him you're not afraid of him and you dont rely on him to breathe, so to speak!! Im sure your children will understand what you're going through. If you really do love him, who am I to say you should not!! But what I really think you should do is to let him know you've had enough of his shit and wont take anymore nonscence from him. Leave if you can and are strong enough!! Hes really not worth your time. Most of the time, cheating is like an addiction. But to be fair, there are some repeating offenders who do manage to change!! Basically, it just depends on how much you're willing to take from him but in my opinion, I would suggest you leave and find yourself someone who really cares. They are out there, trust me!! Good luck!!
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A
male
reader, grasshopper +, writes (29 September 2005):
Do you really want to know? Common sense would say of course you do, remove emotion from the equation. You have a contract of trust and commitment with this man, even more so when children are involved. You deserve to know, and either way, you are going to be hurt more than you are likely to be hurting now. But what would you prefer? Waste away the years keeping your head in the sand breeding distrust and insecurity? Or to have a short sharp burst now, and get it over with so you can both move on in which ever direction you decide is appropriate.
Confront him. It'll probably be acrimonious if you loose control, so you have to remain mentally strong and determined to keep any confrontation under your terms. Don't be sweet talked around; be cynical (but reasonable) about his story. If he gets irate, leave the room. If he denies it, then provide your evidence. But, don't through everything into the fire at once. You want an honest and frank explanation of what has been going on, and no lying-through-omission as well.
From this point on, it is up to you. There will be reasons why he cheats, and it will take some talking to get to the real reasons – there is a good chance he doesn’t quite know why himself. They will probably hurt, but you’re in control here. As for his unexpected signs of affection, after 15 years now, you will have become his safety blanket. When something goes wrong outside of your home, he will return. It’s probably guilt. It’s probably over with this other woman. But this is where assumptions are being made, and now is the time to get to the truth rather than to hypothesize about what’s going on.
Take care and good luck.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2005): Confront him about what you know. Get his reaction. You deserve to know. He's done it twice on you and I'm amazed that you allowed it to happen at all to you. Sure, you've been with him a long time, but think about if it's truly worth it. I know it's difficult because you two have 3 kids together, but for your sake, I would end it if it's true. You deserve someone who treats you the right way. Of course he's going to say that he loves you out of the blue. Why- because he knows that what he's doing or have done is wrong. You must find out if he has done anything already. Don't let him press your buttons. Would you be miserable for the rest of your life, questioning his honesty and your relationship just for the sake of your three kids? You can do better.
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