A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend of 18 months and I were very close and discussing marriage. Then he got a new job and had to move to another town. We continued in a LDR but it's not the same. Recently he asked me for pictures of himself where he's alone on the photo. When I asked why he said it's to give to his family but I suspect he wants them to start internet dating again. I know he met lots of women on the net, or dated many of them for a few months at a time, and he was quite promiscuous. He likes having people around and doesn't like being alone. How do I know what's true without either insulting him or getting made a fool of if I wait until he tells me there's someone else? I trusted him well enough when we lived together. Am I just being paranoid? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (10 March 2011):
 If he asked you for a photo he intends to use for online dating I'd question his intelligence. The easy way to find out is by contacting his family and giving them the pictures of him directly. Just call them and say "I found some pictures of (insert name) where he's alone, as you wanted. Should I send them in the mail or drop them off at your home? And do you mind me asking what they are for, Im just curious?"
Base the rest on the response you get.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2011): It could be due to the fear of losing him. Human mind is very complicated and very unstable. No person is good or bad for his/her entire life. People change. Some change less while others change drastically. You should know your boyfriend well enough to understand him and know his thoughts. Your fear may turn true or otherwise may break an otherwise true relation. Just try to keep in close touch with him and try to find out yourself. But dont let anything cloud your decision.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2011): Long distance relationships are NEVER easy. Unfortunately, you have no way of knowing what he's going to do with these photographs.Can I suggest a little ploy? Why not send him photographs with the two of you in them? Afterall, I'm sure his family would be delighted to see the two of you in the photographs ... if he comes back to you again asking for photographs of him alone, then I'd definitely ask him a few more innocent questions like:What size of photo do you want?Do you want a head shot only?Do you want a full face-on photo?What are your family going to be doing with the photos? Are they for a special occasion?If he wanted photos of himself alone why wouldn't he just go to a photo booth, then you'd know nothing about it? So, perhaps he's telling you the truth. You are obviously aware of his internet-dating history and his promiscuity - by the way, did the two of you meet by internet-dating?Knowing his history it is natural that you are concerned - don't beat yourself up about it.Hope you get to the bottom of it and that the answer gives you peace.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2011): He has every right to ask for pictures that have him in it (either alone, or with other people). It doesn't really matter why, and it's only going to look really petty if you refuse.
If you really don't trust his answers, then the two of you have a problem in your relationship that you need to discuss. Suggest a trip so you two can be together (even long-distance relationships need the occasional physical closeness). Maybe video-chat more often.
But here's a question: If he was going to start internet dating, would he need the photos you have? Couldn't he have just taken some new ones and spared himself the hassle?
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