A
female
age
41-50,
*inka423
writes:I suffer from depression and anxiety. I regularly talk to my boyfriend and he has been supportive although he does not completley understand. Latley i feel that he is becoming frustrated with my constant " need to talk things through" We are both in our 20's and when we go out i am extreemly insecure and end up making him feel as though he can't go and have fun because he has to look after my feelings. I know he is getting frustrated with me. what can i do to meke him want to support me again and not just see me as a burden? This is making my anxiety and depression worse. [Added from the same user]My jelousy, insecurity and depression are ruining my relationship. I am constantly anxious about where my boyfriend is and who he is with. I feel as though i want him to cheat on me so that i have a reason to feel angry and sorry for myself. Sometimes I will set him up to see if he is lying to me and when i find that he is'nt i feel disapointed instead of relived.I am driving him away with my insecurities. Please Help me!
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female
reader, Deema  +, writes (12 August 2008):
 Glad I was some help to you darling. Like I said, I know its not easy. That condition is shit, but there are ways you can help yourself. Go ahead, read those books its a great way to start. You see what you will realise eventually is that it doesn't matter how much reassurance someone gives you, at the end of the day its your own words that give you the most. You have to strengthen your own inner voice so that it feeds you strong and good messages, not destructive ones. Its a long road, but hey, they wouldn't have written so many books if there weren't so many people suffering, so welcome to the club. It may not be one we want to be in particularly, but its who we are, and guess what - one day you'll be helping other people who are where you are now, cus you'll grow as a result of this,, then you'll reach out to others. Trust me you can get better. Good luck x
A
female
reader, tinka423 +, writes (12 August 2008):
tinka423 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou for your advise deema. I dont feel you were being hard. You make some very good points that i guess i already knew but didnt want to face. Thankyou very much for recomending the books to me. I realy didn't know where to start. This is the first time i have reached out like this. I know I need to sort these things out myself but i am very good at blaming others for my issues and feeling hurt and alone when they cant / dont help me. Hearing this advise from someone not in my imediate circle has realy drove home what needs to be done. Thankyou again.
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A
female
reader, Deema +, writes (10 August 2008):
Well you answered all your own questions right there honey really. You know you're driving him away. This is your problem, not his. Why do you want him to support you, why should he? He's your boyfriend, not your carer. He wants to be with someone he can have fun with, not be a nurse to. Don't think I'm being hard, I have anxiety problems myself. I understand how hard that is too, but you have to help yourself. No one else can. There are some very good books by Claire Weekes - Self Help for your Nerves. There are several of them. Find the one that appeals to you and read it. You need to learn how to deal with these feelings and thoughts. He can't do that for you. If you get on and deal with you and leave him to be him, you'll find he appreciates you a lot more. Good luck.
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