A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So, here's the deal. For quite while now, I've been dating this really amazing guy. Our relationship is by far the best one I've been in. We have a blast whenever we're together, and we never fight...not saying we agree on eeeverrryything but we handle disagreements very well by talking things through. He's really sweet, and I care for him more than I've ever cared for anyone. His friends and I get along great, so great that they even come to me for advice in their own relationships! Me and him are both incredibly loyal people, and we've discussed the topic of unfaithfulness in relationships on several occasions. Whenever it has been brought up we both agree that we would never be able to do that kind of heartless act; and it really is the truth.He has never said or done anything to make me wonder if he's being unfaithful, and I genuinely trust the guy.Something has been bothering me though, and I believe it's pure paranoia caused by a bad experience with a past relationship. (He inexplicably left me for his ex-girlfriend)And now, I have this constant fear of my boyfriend leaving me for his ex-girlfriend. Before he met me, he was in a serious 5 year relationship with his high school sweetheart, and the reason why they broke up was because she suddenly decided she didn't love him anymore -- which of course crushed him because not only was it unexpected, but he had planned to stay with her for the long run. They have tons of history together as you can probably imagine. They lived together the whole time, so he has some things that belonged to her (mostly old paintings that she painted herself).Before me and him were dating and were just friends, I recall him mentioning that one day we should go blow things up in the desert for random fun (fireworks..etc.....we're both into weird things like that haha) and he said he wanted to burn some old stuff he wanted to get rid of while we're at it. But that was the last I heard of it, because shortly after that was when me and him got to know each other in another level and began dating. We never got to go blow the things up (man this probably sounds so weird..) because we were busy doing other fun activities together. Since then it has been nothing but fun, romantic times. Thing is, sometimes I wonder if the reason why he hasn't gotten rid of the stuff was because he hasn't gotten the chance to, or because he doesn't want to.Me and him are really open and honest with each other on everything, but I have tried to avoid the subject of his ex-girlfriend because I know those were some hard times for him, and who wants to be reminded of bad times right? That's a reason why I haven't asked him about the things... Probably not the only reason though, the other being that I think I'm scared of hearing something I probably don't want to hear.He has told me so many times that he's so glad he found such a nice girl like me, that genuinely loves him faults and all. (and I do!)And same goes from him to me; he loves me for ME and always tries to do anything possible to make me happy. We've discussed our future, and we're both comfortable and excited with the idea of sticking around for the long haul. In other words, everything is perfect in our eyes!Thing is, I am still freaking myself out with the paranoia of him leaving me for his ex! I catch myself being paranoid and try to stop the thoughts, because I know it's silly considering he doesn't even have contact with her - or wants any.I don't know if I'm doing more harm or good in avoiding the subject because I don't want to resurface all the heartbreak...cause I know how it is, I went through it too before. I'm more than willing to help him through the healing process, but I'm not sure if avoiding that subject is the way to do it. So my questions are..Should I be worried that he hasn't gotten rid of those old things?How can I stop myself from feeling so paranoid?Should I try and discuss things about his ex or let him heal by himself?Any advice would be greatly appreciated!
View related questions:
broke up, crush, ex girlfriend, his ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2010): "It's not who you've been with, it's who you end up with that matters. Sometimes the heart doesn't know what it wants until it finds what it's been looking for."
He's with you for a reason. Him having no contact with this ex or wanting to is further vidence all he wants is you.
No worries about old belongings are necessary, I'm sure he's probably been less dramatic and just thrown stuff away. That's an indicator of how truely over it he is, he doesn't make a big deal about getting rid of the stuff just does it. And even if he kept a few things, a gift is a gift. Your guy sounds great, and he wouldn't hold on to it for any other reaso nthan it being a random gift/item in his room that he uses from time to time. If you sepcifically see or know of something from his ex and it truely bothers you, maybe get him the same/a similar item to replace it? But honestly, it sounds like you've got NOTHING to worry about it.
He's in it for you, my dear. You've got a keeper. Let the past be the past. He's with you now, and you should be looking forward to the time you'll be spending together. Dish the doubt. [:
|
