A
female
age
30-35,
*oohmy
writes:A few months ago my ex boyfriend came back into my life. When we ended it, it was on the phone and not much of a conversation. I tried to push him out of my mind and eventually he was gone. That was a little over a year ago. We have been talking for about 6 months or so, but the past few weeks we really got back into talking to each other and hanging out. I feel like I really still love him, but I am engaged..I don't know how to figure out who Im supposed to be with and I feel so lost. Ive made lists of their qualities what i like and dislike, but when Im with my ex all i think about it my ex.When im with my fiance all i think about is my ex and I feel down in the dumps with him. Ive gone round and round in circles trying to figure it out. He does know im supposed to be getting married, and my fiance knows about us talking and how I feel. I just feel this has been dragged out as long as it needs to go, but still cant figure out what im supposed to do. If I am supposed to be with fiance, why did my ex come back into my life and why do I still feel like I care about him? Any advice??
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2010): I hate it when people say, "my ex came back into my life" out of the blue.That, is pure bull. Excuse my language. He initiated a conversation, and you accepted. Why? Maybe he dumped you or you were just bored with your life, but YOU let it happen.What's worse is that your fiance knows how you feel. What more torture could you inflict on someone? Have you considered how your fiance feels in all this? Here is a man that completely and totally loves you, without reservation. He is willing to marry you and if you are still with him has obviously never done you any real wrong. Yet, you feel the need to explain to him, that you aren't sure if you want to marry him because you keep thinking of an ex boyfriend; that you are still talking to. How do you think that makes HIM feel? Stop being so selfish; and make a decision like a grown woman. This EX, is an EX for a reason! He did something or YOU decided you didn't like something for the relationship to end. And now, the excitement or promise of starting up an old flame has you going all crazy.It isn't fair to your fiance to have him "waiting" for you to make a decision, even if he agreed to wait. He would only do that because he LOVES you. Bottom line. Is make a decision. and be prepared to live with it for the rest of your life. Pin your choice on an EX boyfriend that obviously didn't work out the first time;or on your fiance who loves you and is willing to marry you and you agreed to marry before this EX started talking to you again.(Once you make a decision to get your EX out of your life and act on it by not communicating with him at all; you won't THINK about him all the time.)Geezeee. I hate it when people who claim to be in love, still indulge the EX boyfriend/girlfriend
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2010): You don't say why things ended with your ex but one thing is for sure, it's unlikely those reasons have just gone away.
Of course everything is going great with your ex now, he's back looking to hook up again so he's putting across his best side and using his intimate knowledge of you to tell you all the things you want hear and push all your buttons.
You have a lot of history with your ex and him coming back into your life has stirred up those old emotions.
I have to point out to you that what you're doing at the moment is called emotional cheating and it's as bad as the sexual version. You're currently working on rebuilding a relationship with your ex behind your fiancés back.
You have to make a choice and no one else can do it for you but you have to make it soon.
You have to ask yourself whether the relationship you are building with your ex is real or whether it is just posturing in the sense that he is doing his best to win you back and is working hard to do that, whether you think it will continue this way once he has won you back.
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A
female
reader, xanthic +, writes (16 June 2010):
 I personally don't believe in things being 'meant to be', in this case. Your ex is back in your life because you allowed it, simple as that. If you didn't want him to be, you wouldn't have started talking to him again.
You feel like you still care about him because you were once together. Something like that doesn't always go away, especially when he's still in your life and still on your mind. Do your fiance a favour and stop talking to your ex-boyfriend. It's not fair to him to bring old feelings back to the surface with someone else.
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