A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I met a married man in my local pub a couple of years ago. We struck up an instant, flirty friendship and that continued for ages. Just recently things have progressed and we have had sex. I don't ring or text him and we never arrange to meet, it is just grabbed moments. Stupidly, i love him. I have no idea why, he is older than me, dresses younger than he is and is just not my type. I have no idea what i am doing, or what i am hoping to achieve. What is really bugging me though is that i have no idea what is going on in his head. He says he loves his wife, they have been married 30 years, he knows that what he is doing is wrong but he still comes back for more. How do i move on from this? I am veering from not caring to bursting into tears. thanks for taking the time to read.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, cindy 15 +, writes (5 September 2010):
 i knnow its hard that yu have this pain inyour chest now but you will move on all it takes is will power and another guy
good luck
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2010): Just MOVE ON. It takes willpower, not everyone has that and certainly no one can give you theirs.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2010): I know it's not easy, and the first few weeks and months will be really hard but, cut all contact, with him. You have slipped into being his bit on the side, that's not what you want, he's not even your type.
Finish it and keep yourself busy you will get over him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2010): Hi and thanks for your replies. You are right, i am lonely. I have 4 children and i have been single for a long time. i don't want him to leave his wife, i think i just want to mean something to someone. I want him to want me. Does that make any sense? A mutual friend is now getting suspicious, i don't know what he thinks is going on but he has hinted that he has heard us talking. If this becomes public knowledge i will be shunned, which is probably no more than i deserve. I had told myself that i would stay away and just get him out of my system. I can go weeks without seeing him or speaking to him and then it all kicks off again. I hate that i have fallen for the most unsuitable bloke ever, but i can't seem to say no.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (29 August 2010):
 It's easier to move on when you think about the negative things about him. He's too old, he cheats, he's not your type, he can't control his urges, he has no clue how to fix things in his marriage, he has no guts to end it, etc.
Then replace your thoughts with what qualities you want in the next man you find.
You may feel that you need to hang on to him because society makes it seem like it's the men and women ratio works against women as if there aren't enough men to go around. You just need to meet more men, get to know them better before getting too physical.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2010): I am in a similar position as you are, only that I'm still in the friendship stage not sex but b/c he's long distance and far away.
But, I've been feeling the same way. I wat to escape from it and like a drug I can. I think we need to do something or it will eat us up. I'm trying to go out more and meet new people so by doing this I can find a guy with whom I can forget about him. I'm not contact him that much now and with time I'm starting to feel like he's fading away, but not 100%. In your case, I would move away from him and try to start something new and get rid of those demons.
if we don't do something nobody will and we'll end up having their children and all alone on the way :-( Good luck to you. A hug!
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