A
female
age
51-59,
*zzpolar
writes:It's been 9 mths. I'm in my first long distance relationship and that's one issue. The other is he constantly throws in my face that he need's to be number one- and that means before my 16 yr old son - in my life. He said to me bout 2 mths into it, "I know I can't be number one,can I at least be second best?" Also, I am bipolar and have panic disorder and sometimes get so overwhelmed just trying to get the hell outta the house while in the meantime he is texting me,"did you leave yet"or "don't bother coming over at all if you haven't left yet"mind you this does not make me move any faster,quite the opposite I will either pull over and stare into space for an hr at times cause my whole thrill of getting there diminsh's. And he had some car issues, no ins. and finally got it then his car overheats so he can't come to me. I'm in philly,he's in jersey and with smooth moving traffic it's about a half hr or so. He says his friend is going to fix it but I think he always spends the money on videos-yes he is a big time gamer and I never would've known. Which reminds me I think although he says it doesn't bother him that as far as games,give me an atari paddle and ill kick some but but this whole other world of color and hand and eye coordination,eh it's like chewing gum and walking yadda yadda. And ill be honest as possible, I'm looking for advise so i'm trying to help me and some poor other soul who feels like they have become a disabled taxi cab driver that gets a picken at. And if I don't know how to play I sit and watch him not cause it's what he wants but because it's fun I do enjoy it and he makes the funniest noises and add ins and hey we are spending time together. Gosh this is getting long but bottom line is he is sick of waiting for me and honestly he has bout 3 or 4 friends 2 he just met and he basically is a homebody. I do love him and we have alot in common and then we don't but I mean hey we'd be bored if everything was perfectly agreeable,thats not how life goes. He's always so ready to throw the towel in saying this isn't how relationships go mind you there are married couples who are at their 20th anniversary and are still learning about eachother. Basically please someone going through this,did you make it? Are you with him? Instead of me reminding him all the time that this is what builds a good relationship up and ive heard far more worse or should I say F it,cause it is stressing me something awlful. One other thing, when he was 18 his parents kicked him out to wind up homeless for over a yr and thats gotta be rough,but ive come from a childhood/teenagehood and adulthood of mental,physical and sexul abuse and although the scars remain, I don't self distruct anymore. However I can't imagine me telling my son to get out unless its a tuff love situation,for any religion,guy or all the money in the world,that had to be hard. But I have love in my heart that could wrap around my son and him at a constant non-stop level and it's just a matter of if they both needed me at the same time it would be a decision of why and how serious the need was,ya know? all jokes aside and I need my sense of humor,it's my own prescribed self medicine and it's legal and it's free but I am so,so in need of someone even saying yea I feel you and possibly guide me or tell me to run!!! thankyou i needed to get that out.
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female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (29 August 2010):
 Been in 3 LDRs myself..last one I married. So they can work but mind you both parties have to put in the effort with communication and the travel. Also, everyone knows children come first, but he's acting like that due to the problems from his childhood. Now, you are always the one making the effort on the travel, does he at least give you gas money? I understand car problems but it looks like fixing his car isn't top priority which means neither is coming to see you and what your home life is like. Remember the interstate runs both ways.
You say he's always ready to throw into the towel to the relationship, I'm wondering what effort he has put into this LDR..I don't see any. Frankly, I don't think he's cut out for this relationship due to his issues, lack of motivation and effort. You are the one making the effort, staying motivated even through your panic disorder, and doing your best to put all issues aside. The easiest part about LDRs is the break-up, you don't have to see them because they live far away. This guy isn't worth it, run. Just remember you learned that you can control your disorder and that you are capable of being in a LDR!
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