A
female
age
,
*aryB
writes:My ex and I have been split up for 7 mths. after 7 yrs. together. We were engaged when he ended it. He basically left me for someone else although, they were not involved until after he broke it off with me. 3 mths. later they became engaged which devastated me even further. Yes, we had our ups and downs but, nothing we couldn't of worked out if he had given it a chance. My ex has always had a tendency to run from his problems instead of working towards a solution. Even though I should probably hate him for what he did I have never stopped loving him although, I have not contacted him since finding out about her. During these 7 mths. apart my ex has been seen several times driving by my house which I can only conclude is to check up on me.There is no other reason to be driving in my neighborhood-his job and gf are on the other side of town and I am secluded from stores,etc. To be honest I have allowed myself to have hope that he is doing this because he still has feelings for me and maybe regrets his hasty decisions. Anyways, I am writing because I heard through the grapevine that they had split up for a little over a wk. but, was not told the specifics. I once again allowed myself to hope that maybe he would make some effort to contact me during that time but, that of course never happened. Now two days ago I heard they were back together again. What I need to know is am I wasting my time thinking that their relationship doesn't have a prayer and he will someday want to try to work things out with me? If they are having troubles so soon is that an indication that they will not last or am I fooling myself? I know I shouldn't care what they are doing but, like I have stated I still love him and I need to know that there is no future chance for us so I can move on. Your insight would be appreciated.
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engaged, move on, my ex, split up Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2010): Mary...check out www.gettingpastyourpast.com. Good luck!
A
female
reader, MaryB +, writes (6 December 2010):
MaryB is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI thank everyone for your answers & you are all right. I do need to move forward somehow & stop obsessing! It's going to be a long hard struggle for me to do that but, I need to find a way. My biggest mistake is the fact that I allowed myself to make him my whole world for 7 yrs. & am kind of lost as to what to do next. Thought I had my future all figured out-guess not!
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2010): I don't think you are foolish to think he might regret his decision someday. It was very hasty. Haste makes waste. He very well might. However, you are not being fair to yourself to sit around and wait for that to happen. Who knows when that will be? It may take years for that realisation. Furthermore, who is to say he will try to get back with you? Alot of people regret alot of things and look for redemption in many ways, but it doesn't necessarily turn into a reconciliation. I certainly admire your strength. It takes alot of courage to stay strong and remain dignified when you are dealt these cards. You have alot to feel proud of in yourself.
Seven years is a long time and I understand your pain and loss. I think you are doing a great job handling it. I don't know what source is feeding you this information about him but sometimes it is best not to know what is going on day to day. The big picture is that he left you for another woman. It doesn't matter if they had a tiff one day or he happened to drive through your neighborhood another day. And? It doesn't matter. It makes no difference, all this information is doing to you is keeping you in a state of suspension where you are waiting for something that might or might not happen. You have to live for today. Not for what if or what could be. I think it would benefit you to stop being informed about his daily whereabouts.
Look he may come back someday. Either way you NEED to move on. Right now you have hit the pause buttton on your life and you need to regain your purpose and your momentum at the moment without him by your side.
It is ok to grieve the loss. It is ok to not want to go out. To reminisce, cry, ponder, be alone. It is ok to miss him and the times you spent. All of that is normal and ok. However, it is not ok to assume or expect that he might come back. The reality is HE LEFT. He's gone. You need to accept that and deal with that reality right now. Who is to say what will happen tomorrow? Tomorrow's another day. But it is not tomorrow, it is today. And as of today he is not with you nor plans to be with you. You need to accept that. Deal with it now. You have to be realistic. That's the only way to move forward.
My ex boyfriend and I broke up four years ago. I loved him dearly. I continued loving him for years after the break up. But I knew it was over. I knew he wouldn't come back (not anytime soon) he had moved on. I loved him dearly but I knew I had to move on too. It was only natural and realistic. You need to do the same.
I hope my advice helps and wish you all the best.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2010): Here's what's going on with you: Your ex is living his life, and you are not living yours. You're living in the past, assigning significance to insignificant occurrences (he drives by your house...so that must mean he loves you??? really???). You need to start moving on, otherwise you will be stuck in the tar pit of the past. I can guarantee you that your ex doesn't sit around thinking about you. He's with someone else! You are investing your time and energy in a relationship that doesn't even exist! Think about that. Is that a good use of your time? Stop caring about what he's doing or who he is with. It doesn't matter. Keep repeating that to yourself. And ask yourself this: would you want to get back together with this guy who you seemingly can't trust as far as you can throw him? He screwed you over once in a huge way, and now you are hoping to lay your hands on the hot stove once again? What is it about the first lesson that you did not understand? Honey, you need to stop doing this to yourself and start living your life. Your self-esteem has taken a hit (understandably). But you are prolonging your misery by focusing on his life and not yours. I'm sure there are plenty of guys out there who would love to have you. Get out there and start living YOUR life. Forget about whatshisname. He's busy treating other women like crap and I can guarantee you that you are nary a thought in his mind.
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reader, QuirkLady +, writes (5 December 2010):
 You're still not over him, which is pretty natural after such a long relationship. Just take care of yourself. You can move on without him, if you really want to. If it's meant to be he will come back, and if not you may soon meet someone else and not care about him anymore.
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