A
male
age
30-35,
*LamentedxAmourx
writes:Well, as I feared, she broke up with me. She "Could not do this anymore.".She insured that it was nothing I did, she was "having emotional problems and was in a bad place" as she put it. She does not know if we can be together in the future, but she still wanted to be my friend; to talk to me and see me and stuff. She told me she still loved me, and she was sorry for leaving. There was three main things that perturbed me however, and I am not sure what to make of it.1. She just started taking Lithium, her choice, and within a few days she broke up with me. (This happened yesterday at 12pm.) 2. Before she broke up, she said she still loved me. She still wanted to be my friend; talk to me and see me. However, I fear she was only trying to give me peace at mind.3. She was acting odd to begin with; blowing me off on Halloween(now I know why), not telling me what was wrong, me asking if she needed space and she saying that she did not need any, asking her if there was something you would change with our relationship and she said no, her calling the cops after she broke up because she feared I would kill myself, and finally she asked me if I wanted my ring back because I could "Sue her." if she did not ask ... almost as if saying she would not put it past me. I still can not believe it happened. I left her a message saying everything was alright, and when she was comfortable, to let me know if she still wanted to talk to me or not. Then I wrote her a letter, explaining just because this happened, does not mean we could not still have a good thing.Now I am just sitting her in utter shock still. I guess I made her feel suffocated. I told her I did not want her to feel anything bad toward me, and if anything was wrong, I could stop immediately. But everything was fine, just three days ago we were loving each other and she said she felt happy I was there. I know she has to have time and space, so she has time to herself and get everything together. I tried to be there for her, but I guess it was unwanted. We had plans and everything, and now this. I know I did something wrong, or maybe she really could not stand it any longer ... the constant worrying about me, and me asking her what is wrong, and all of that. I just hope she can be happy. As selfish as it sounds, I also hope we can get back together. But everything she said sounded like she was just giving me peace at mind. I do not need peace at mind, I just want to know why she made this decision...I do not know what to do. All I can do is wait, and hope for the best for her. I just feel so empty right now, nothing really matters. I am just holding onto a thread of hope that she might want to talk to me again. I fucked up the best thing that ever happened to me, I always mess-up. I just do not know what to do, or what to feel. It sounds like I am throwing a pity party, but she was the love of my life. I am going to admit that I cried and cried about this. It has settled in, but I am still refusing it. But, at the same time, I know she did this for the best of herself. I want her to be happy, no matter what it takes. I guess I was not the one, and she realized that wile I was focusing on her, when she wanted to be left alone. Now she can be left alone, and I should leave her alone until she talks to me. Even then, I just have to be a friend, and not let emotions get the best of me. But I still love her ... and apparently she still loves me. I just ... feel sick and I hate this. What should I do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2007): First off, your feelings come from your mind, your thoughts, as much as you would like to think you have no control over this, you do.
You need to try and get your mind onto something else, ruminating, dreaming and wallowing in self pity will not bring her back and will only serve to push her farther away, and make you miserable....no one, not even a depressive like her likes to be around someone who is so depressed, cynical, and angry at the world.....you are not a victim, you loved somebody, you are one of the lucky ones! You also have developed an unhealthy co-dependence on this girl, let it go, you do not need someone to feel whole, you need to do some work on yourself first...you are very young, and you have a lot of maturing to do. A lot of your questions are unanswerable, like everyone else in the universe, you have to understand that you do not control others, the fact that you loved her has nothing to do with how she feels or chooses to act, she makes her own choices somewhat independent of you.....realize this and you should feel instantly better, if love is a choice and a decision that we make for ourselves, then it is really about us, not just the other person.....she can't be with you, let her go, she needs to be alone, she has told you she is in a bad place, let her do her own work, and something amazing might happen, when she feels better she may look you up, and by then you hopefully will have moved on...
You don't need advice, you need to get moving, make some friends, damn it, you were able to make her a friend, and you are not alone in the universe, you have to reach out to people and have to BE a friend to have one.
A
male
reader, xLamentedxAmourx +, writes (30 October 2007):
xLamentedxAmourx is verified as being by the original poster of the question For the last two days I have dreamed of her, and she is all the seems to be on my mind. I have not stopped waring the hoody she gave back to me, and it smells just like her. When I try to close my eyes, I see her face. When I look into a mirror, I see her face, not mine. When I sit down, or even walking around, I see her face looking all upset and her saying "I can not do this anymore." "I love you, and still want to be your friend and talk to you and see you still." "I do not know if we can get back together in the future." "Do you want your ring back? I have to ask, because if I don't I could get sued." I still have the eye liner that she gave me, and I still have her ring. I am waring the belt she gave me, I never took it of when she gave it to me all those months ago. When I lay down, I remember laying with her and snuggling. When I smoke, I remember smoking with her. I keep remembering all the times we were happy together, and wondering why it ended. When I open the fridge, I remember when she opened the fridge to get me something to drink. Rice? Coffee? Tea? Organic food? The color red? Cuts I got from moving their air conditioner? Scratches and bite marks that have scared up from when she scratched or bit me? Her report on my computer? A Picture she drew me? I love you, on the back of my wallet? The tape on the end of her belt? She told me to do that if it started tearing. A wristband from when we spent all day together at a hayride? The phone ? Words that she says? Certain songs? Blood? (We both were Renfields) It all fucking reminds me of her! My shoes? I remember them laying on her floor, and then we sat down and watched a movie together, cuddled during. My watch? She tried it on one day, and I remember that clearly. My hair? She loved my hair! These pants? I wore them when I went out with her, and when she broke up with me. I go for a walk? I remember the times I took her up to the store and we drank monsters. I go to my hanging out spot? I took her there, and she wrote something on the fucking jungle gym. Any type of movie? I remember when I watched movies with her, and we kissed and shit... I can not stand the thought of her being with someone else, and I can not take this because she has not even called me to be my friend. I just do not get how I loved her so much, and treated her so good, that she would leave me? I went over it time and time again and I can not find a reason why she left me. I have been told I will never know the answer, but I can not put my mind at ease without knowing why. If I ask her it might upset her, but she is the one who came to my house to say "Hi." on a Sunday morning, broke up with me because "I can not handle it anymore." and "I am in a bad place, and can not be committed ." "It is not you, it is me." "I still want to be your friend, to see you and talk to you." and all this other bullshit. She did not handle that very well, not even telling me why she had to break up. I do not even thing there was a fucking reason! Maybe she just got bored? I mean, I was her first everything after all. I just want her back so bad! I love her. She said she loved me to and still wanted to be my friend, but I suppose that was her giving me "Peace at mind." I wrote her a note, and left a message the day we broke up, or rather, the day she dumped me. We had plans for the future, even for the next weekend! Halloween! gone.... I just do not get it, and everything reminds me of her. Nothing else mattered but her, and now that she is gone, I am alone. I have no one. No one at all. It is "My Black Dahlia" by "Hollywood Undead" all over again. I need some help, please give me advise.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2007): Well, I am sorry that you both are bipolar, but I don't think that makes you great for each other, perhaps you can understand each other's condition, but two people that have the same challenges are not the best match....I think it is best to be with someone more your opposite in tempermant so you complement, not compete.
I am sorry too, that you feel you can't turn to family and don't have any friends....your family most likely will forgive you for being difficult, that is what family does, and perhaps you could benefit from forgiving them if you can.....I think if you are really feeling bad, you might talk to your doctor and make sure your meds are doing the right thing for you, or if you are off your meds, please start taking them as they will make you feel more even keeled and you will be gaining a different perspective because of that.
Age has everything to do with it when you are only 15, relationships are not supposed to last at this age, you have a lot of growing to do and learning about yourself, you don't want to stifle someone elses growth or your own by being too possessive and controlling and professing undying love.....it is not the right time in your life for that.....I know it hurts, but you will be fine! Just get your mind on other things by getting out and getting busy...sounds simple but it works, stop dwelling on this, it was not your fault, it is what it is, young romance that is now time to cherish as a soon to be memory.
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male
reader, xLamentedxAmourx +, writes (29 October 2007):
xLamentedxAmourx is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNo, I am 15 years old. However, I am not really a kid. I mean, I look like a kid and all, and I do admit my maturity is not on its high, but this relationship was special. I feel as if I added to the problem though, and it could have been avoided if I would have treated to the situation differently.She is bi-polar, but so am I. I mean, we were great for each other. It was not until she started taking Lithium that she considered breaking up with me. But I guess that is just my mind find excuses. That is my exact point too, she is not a friend to herself. So why can she not at least take me back as a friend? All of this still feels like bullshit to me. I hate it still. Do you even know what you are talking about? Why must age be taken into consideration? She told me she liked me, and then the relationship built up from there. I have always givin her opertunatys to tell me if anything was wrong. She never did, and I knew there was. I never expected her to leave me. I know myself, and I care for those who care for me. Now that she might not care for me, I still love her. You can never juge a book from it's cover, or when it was copyrighted (Metafore for age.). But I always made sure she felt worthy of it, and she made sure I felt worthy of it. I know she is doing things for herself now, I just wanted to know what I should do in the meantime. If being her friend, and maybe having a relationship later is good. I just worry, because she is too smoking hot to not get hit on... and if she does go out with someone else, what the fuck do I think then?I hate people, so I do not have any friends, I only had her. Family? Stay away from them, plus they do not care anyway. I have been more than an asshole to them. Again, I must of added to it somewere down the line. I am just still wishing it were a dream and it never happend. I can not seem to get over it at all. Then again, this happend yesterday. So today is her first day without worrying about me. Maybe I should just give up ... I love her but I did not want her to feel like that... I just do not know.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2007): I am a little perplexed, it says your age is 13-15....why so serious if you are still a kid? I am going to go on the assumption that the age is more early 20's?So she broke up with you, and now you are berating yourself that you f'd it up and that you always mess up, you don't always do anything do you?Your girlfriend told you she has emotional problems, if she is on lithium, she has more than that she has a serious personality disorder like bipolor or borderline personality....both of which are permanent parts of her makeup and can only be treated, not cured....life with a girl like this in my opinion is a little bit of hell especially when combined with immaturity, as she becomes more experienced at dealing with her emotional and mental prroblems and gets treatment, she may be capable of a relationship, but right now she is not even a friend to herself.You really need to let this go, she is not the love of your life, you have barely begun "life" and you will meet other soul mates out there, and you most likely are making poor choices in your selection of a partner due to your young age and not really knowing yourself well, and knowing what you want and what makes you happy.Love is a choice a decision, not just a feeling.....she has to choose to BE worthy of love, it really is not about you or anything you did, she is not capable of making that decision, so you need to respect that and let her get on with it....it is her work to do, not your job to fix.Take care and gather the support of your friends and family around you.
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