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female
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*ateheart37
writes: I recently saw an old boyfriend from my teen years after 20 years. He was my first kiss and every summer we would flirt and then I would go back home till the next summer. The last time I saw him, we got caught by his parents having sex. He wrote me a very long love letter the next day which I never read (because of guilt over cheating on my boyfriend) and never saw him again until a funeral a few months ago. I always felt regretful about not reading that letter and the pain I'm sure I caused him by just disappearing. He's always been one of those fond memories but not much more than that, although I know he loved me very much.He's married with kids now(so am I)and when I saw him again we were acting like we did back in the day. He told me that I was his first kiss too, that he would never forget me and that he had met his wife right after me, they dated then she got pregnant (they were very young) so he married her. Anyway, long story short, I felt such an emotional connection to him and now I can't stop thinking of him and I'm so full of regret that I let this wonderful guy who loved me so much get away. I sent a note (very casual, hey great seeing you, blah, blah in case his wife opened it) but I've heard nothing back. I feel it may be he's getting me back (unlikely for him I think), or really that I would just be too much of a temptation or maybe he never got it. I know someone who can get his e-mail address and I just feel compelled to tell him I'm sorry for hurting him and I can't let go of all of these feelings!Why am I feeling so much regret, as well as longing for him after all this time? What can I do? I love my husband but it's starting to effect my relationship.
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female
reader, fateheart37 +, writes (4 December 2005):
Thank you for the comforting responses. I do love my husband but things are stale (romantic bubble baths don't feel like the answer) and I have been feeling very lonely. My mind tells me that I am sugar coating the past but the way he responded to seeing me is heartbreaking. I guess I'm feeling sad that I will never again feel that excitement and passion of a new love and having him look at me like the girl who got away made me feel desirable and alive again. Oh well, I guess that I just have to face the fact that it's the way things go and try to feel happiness somehow.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2005): After reading your story I couldnt help but think how is your relationship now? could it be you are drawn to the man you kissed because it was exciting and made you feel alive? maybe you could focus your energies on bringing that feeling into your marriage, then I am pretty sure that you wouldn't feel like that anymore - and talk to your husband about it (like the person before said) perhaps he is also missing some excitement?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2005): This relationship was over twenty years ago. You need to let go. You both have separate lives. Don't ruin what you have got. Count your blessings and stay faithful to your husband. You are a married woman and he is a married man and believe me there is never a justification for cheating. So get your mind straightened out and pursue this affair no further. Would you really want to lose what you now have.Tell your husband the truth because honesty is very important.All the best and please make the right decosion.
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A
male
reader, Risky_Endeavor +, writes (3 December 2005):
There are two seperate issues here, one is your marriage, why are or aren't you happy with it. Do you sit and compare the two relationships. Why, what is it about the past that seems so much more attractive than the present. You said you were young and you and your first kiss were flirty and hung out in the summer, how deep was the relationship? How many resposibilities did you have back then? They say affairs are the crack of romance, because you never get to know someone quite well enough to move them from the fantasy world to the real one. Infatuation, no resposibility, careless days of young love is the way that most relationships are, in the beginning, but that also fades into a world of hustle and bustle. Good love is the kind that is there for you each day, proves itself over and over again under the pressure of everyday life, and doesnt quit. Your past is just that, dont be fooled into candy coating it and making it into more than its worth for the sake of escape from your current relationship. I am not a expert, far from it, but i would stick to the man you married, its human nature to want what you dont have, dont give into that feeling. Good Luck.
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