A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My bf of 5 years broke up with me a month ago as we had argued and things got slighlty physical and the police had been involved. As they had taken him away to diffuse the situation he now blames me for the ordeal at the cell (he was kept in a cell overnight) and he was upset that his dad had to pick him up from the station. He said he didnt want to try to make us work anymore but he hoped we could be friends. At first I tried really hard to make things work but he wouldnt answer my texts or calls if it was to do with getting back together. As being away from him was so unbearable i told him that I was willing to be friends. So we started hanging out and we would have a great time. One night as were hanging out i stupidly tried to flirt with him and tell him how much i missed kissing and holding him then I decided to ask him straight up if he still loved me. He told me that i shouldnt think about us getting back together and that he wasnt in love with me. I felt so heartbroken when i heard this that in a text that night i told him i didnt love him too. He text back asking why i had tried to seduce him. Was it because I was feeling horny or if Iwas using sexual blackmail to get us back together. I told him not to worry any longer as i no longer wanted him back. He asked if he could come round for a quickie and i said yes becasue I really did miss that part of our relationshipeven though i was angry and hurting. We slept together that night and the next day he told me that we were both free agents but we still enjoy being friends and hanging out. If one of us met someone then natually we would drfit aprt but that was something we both did not forsee happening soon so we should keep to being friends who had sex. we have been meeting up regualrly and last sat he had come round at 2pm and stayed till 3am the next day. The thing was we spent most of the time playing console games and watchng films instead of sex. We both felt really happy and relaxed and halfway through the day he went to a barbeque but came back early as he said he liked hanging out with me more.Im feeling really confused. He has told me that we're both friends who have sex with each other as we feel really comfortable with each other but when he comes round even for a few mins or leaves he always hugs and kisses me before he leaves and looks like he misses me. He still thinks i dont love him anymore and dont want to get back together but i do. I just dont want to risk losing him completely. What should i do? we both get on so well without the stress of being in a relationship but i cant imagine being with anyone else but him and i think he feels the same way as he said he wasnt interested in dating any other girls. I want him back so badly but so far hanging out and making out seems more like a relationship than not seeing him ever again if i tell him i still love him and have feelnigs for him
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, pashanoodle  +, writes (1 July 2008):
 This 'relationship' you describe now may feel great - you're still getting a part of him and for now that's keeping you content...however, this won't be the case for long! Sooner or later you're going to come to your senses and realise you deserve more than to be his 'sex' on the side - then you will try to put more demands on him, ask for more, make threats you can't follow through on - but he has made it very clear you aren't going to get what it is you need/want/deserve...love, commitment, partnership. This situation will eat you up, your confidence and self esteem will be affected and you run the risk of winding up with "issues" that will effect future relationships.
It may be hard but you need to end things - I don't even think friendship is advisable now...you'll be stronger and happier in the long run!
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