A
male
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hi,I am a 19-year-old Briton in need of some advice. Recently I got back in contact with an old crush of mine after having not spoken to each other in just over three years.We didn't meet in person until a month or two of having messaged each other on Facebook. When we did we hit it off almost instantly and ennjoyed our brief time together. We kept in contact very frequently, where she had admitted to having relationship difficulties with her then-boyfriend (call him N).We met for a second time, perhaps even better than the first and even ended up with an awkward kiss. It's only three years on, with the cringeworthy emotions wrapped around it, we both didn't know what we wanted at the time. Especially given that she lives in Bedford and I in London.She also admitted to having had sex with N and falling pregnant on a drunken night. At the time we had developed very strong feelings for each other, so of course the news was both heart-breaking and untimely, given our academic priorities back then.For another five months or so we stayed in contact. I gave her advice and remained as a support line. She was in need of a friend. I eventually broke off contact with her in order for us to both focus on our priorities and not get caught up in a whirlwind of confused emotions.In the three years that we didn't talk, I went on from college to university, she became a stay-at-home mother with her current boyfriend (B). They have been together for two years.Now that I have started talking to her again, we have messaged each other every single day since. We're planning to meet in a few weeks' time. Although this, I do still hold strong feelings for her, and tinges of regret for having taken so long. But otherwise, it has worked out very well for her.What I'm asking for is advice on what to do. I still love her. She wants to stay close, but of course not close enough to be together given her current situation. I wish her all the best for the future, but I still have all of these emotions for her. The answer seems oblivious but I'm just curious.Apologies for the long post,Anon
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2014): Honeypie,
OP here. You're right. It pains me, but you're right. I want to believe otherwise but the way that you have reasoned it makes much better sense.
Although, when we do meet in person I will have to refrain from becoming emotionally attached. By that I mean, I'll have to back off and set the ground rules.
Sigh. This is very hard, but very much for the best.
Thanks.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (7 November 2014):
 My advice?
LEARN that when you TOUCH a red hot poker you will BURN yourself. And if you do it over and over.. you need your head examined.
She had a BF when you first met (which SHOULD have made you BACK OFF) yet you didn't. SHE was TWO TIMING her BF with you. YOU were a distraction for her. The "fantasy". If you had been MORE to her, she would have LEFT the BF. She wouldn't have had unprotected sex with him and made a child. The fact that she made it sound like they WEREN'T intimate and the sex/pregnancy ONLY happened because they were drunk? Seems like a pile of horse dung.
Yet, you stuck it out being her shoulder to cry on and the guy who would NOT question her actions, just "support" her. Until I guess you realized that it did NOTHING good for either of you to stay in touch.
So present day. SHE is a "stuck-at-home-mom" with a newer model BF and now she has you "back", so she can TWOTIME yet another guy.
And yes, YOU TWO are cheating on her BF together. EMOTIONAL AFFAIR is what SHE is having with you. You are her escapism from the "boring" day-to-day life.
But again....... she is TOYING with your emotions. She is STAYING put with the newer BF and playing a game of "lovestruck" with you.
She isn't your friend, and you aren't hers. And she ISN'T going to leave this newer BF for you.
So where does that leave you? It leave you in love with the idea of a girl you CAN NOT have.
And let's say down the line the newer BF leaves her or she leaves him... You two start to date, HOW LONG do you think it will be, before she starts getting bored and go look for another "fantasy white knight" to cheat on YOU with?
It's not at all romantic or a "tragic" love story. It's about a selfish girl wanting constant attention and adoration. And she doesn't CARE if it hurts others. Her BF OR you. And you are a sucker for thinking she is worth all this trouble and heartache.
Sorry, if that is kind of blunt, but that's how I see it. No point in sugarcoating it.
You can add sprinkles or glitter to a dog turd, but it will still only BE a pile of poo. (basically, you can dress this up as much as you like, but it is what it is. Cheating)
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