A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been going out with my boyfriend for 5.5 years, and he recently asked me to move in with him. The problem is, often I don't have a clue where he is and I don't know if that will continue if I live with him.For example, I might try to call him or text him mid afternoon to see how he is (this will be the first contact since the previous day - I don't think we need to be in touch 24/7). I then might not get a reply from him until late morning the following day, where he'll say he went straight from work to the pub with his mates, got drunk, got back at 2/3am and didn't bother charging his phone. This usually happens on weekdays as a few of them work weekends. He makes me feel like a nag for asking him his plans (it's just out of curiosity really - I'm not trying to tell him what to do) but I feel he could at least check in? He doesn't seem to think he should have to tell me anything about his plans, and maybe he shouldn't, but I have a sneaky feeling he will be the same if we live together and he'll just disappear until the early hours without so much as a word. Am I overreacting? Should I only expect him to share his plans with me after we move in? I get a bit embarrassed sometimes when another of the girlfriends comments on a night out they have had and and I know nothing about it.
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female
reader, deirdre  +, writes (7 November 2014):
I couldnt agree more with chigirl. He keeps it this way because thats how he wants the relationship to stay.. And you know something? That is how it will always be with him. Men like that will never change, they see this as normal and they want their relationships to be like this so that they have a free leg.
You have been together over 5 years, of course you have a right to know whats going on. You need to decide for yourself if you can continue to accept this.
A
female
reader, jcsdoe324  +, writes (7 November 2014):
 i have a feeling that things might change once you move in together. when my fiance and i were living separately, there were plenty of times when i didn't have a clue where he was or what he was doing or who he was with or anything. in the same way, there were plenty of times when he knew none of the same things about me.for us, it kind of became a pretty quick habit to figure these things out once we moved in together...especially since at the time, he worked graveyards while i worked during the day, and our schedules were so different that it was a little challenging to find time to spend together. even if you and your boyfriend don't face that issue, though, making it a habit to check up on one another can still easily be accomplished.something you might try if you don't know what he's got planned for after work might be to send him a text and just ask him. try something like, "hey, i was planning on making [insert his favorite food here] for dinner tonight. i was just wondering what your plans are after work so i can make sure that i don't cook it too early."don't be afraid to ask him questions, and don't let him make you feel like you're nagging when you do ask them. simply explain to him that you feel more comfortable knowing where he is, and offer to be completely open with him about your own activities.good luck, and God bless!sarah
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (7 November 2014):
 Girl, been in your shoes. Made to feel like a posessive and controlling nag just for asking to get a heads up about plans! And now Im talking plans like leaving the city... Or going out on town with buddies and the ex, instead of keeping his plans with me, that he didnt bother informing me of because we agreed to meet "later" in the evening, and he thought 2am classified as "later".... Or when we were long distance and he came back to the city without telling me (found out only after he had already been in town for a while..) Phew! That sucked balls.... No, girl, this will not change. You will not be told a darn thing. Thats one of the reason that relationship ended. No information or communication.
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